it's a place you don't recognise anymore;
your mind,
the pathways, formerly known
as such and such,
you gave them names yourself,
you assigned tasks,
you decided their fate.
and now it's all different all of a sudden;
and now it's no longer familiar,
like a new suit
you've never once worn.
and you don't know what weapon to choose,
how to protect yourself
in this one-sided war
in your mind.
the trenches,
so dutifully dug out,
all prepared for the day you lose,
are gone,
and you don't recognise this place anymore.

A crippling heaviness
Enters the room
I’m trembling
I break out in a cold sweat
The dolls on the stand
Are securely locked in their case
Their sad eyes watch as he
Inches closure and silent screams
Fill the space.

He whispers violent things
And spits in my face.
I succumb to his lingering words
As I forget how to breathe
I lost my voice
It know belongs to him.

These earthquakes come and go
Awakening the anger within
I drank the poison from the fire of your lies
It burnt, but I kept drinking
Because it's all I've ever known.

Your color turned gray
I struggle to the surface
With an anchor the size of my guilt
Pulling me under the entire way up
So full of life we once were.
When your heart was in the right place
Or so you made me believe.

Sister and mother despair
Building castles in Spain
They take the threshold
May their glory reign
They disappear for awhile
strolling down memory lane
And return only with
Their decaying growing pains
One gave birth to the fire
The other the Descendant of flames.

Things are getting out of hand.
Peace is no where to be found.
I'm tired of contemplating,
And trying to understand,
What can't be comprehended.
My sanity fell into a
Haystack of needles.

In order to reclaim it
I will have to bleed.
There are no easy answers.
Yet answers are what I need.
How can I make amends
When I still don't understand
Who I'm supposed to be?

This story is a difficult one to tell.
Especially when it comes
To telling it well from start to finish.
And in order to do so
I need to remove myself
From this diseased prison cell.
Then maybe I will find
The redemption I long for
And lift this evil spell.

Then maybe I’ll be reborn
From the ashes of myself

I'm a force to be reckoned with
So I don't recommend double crossing me
If you come across me
I’ve been known as the criminal in town
****** for being different and causing mayhem

It is not my desire to watch the world burn
And I’ve tried putting out this fire within me
So I don’t set fire to the world around me
But I don't know how much longer
I can hold it in before my covers blown

The innocents cannot be unpunished
So why are they blamed and
Imprisoned for other people’s actions
There are so many stories to be told
So many victims waiting for the moment
To speak their truth and let the real villains be known

My soul is a lacuna
In these moments of silence
There’s an empty void.
In this river of regret
It’s Hollow dark and cold.

Nothing left but bitter emptiness
I’ll still long for your touch
To hear the sound of your voice
And I don’t want to forget
Or Learn to live with the pain

These demons are relentless
And driving me insane
But If you want the leave
Don’t let me stand in your way

But Please don’t call me a fool
If I ask you stay
Let them think what they want
I don’t care what what they say

I’ll be lost and scared
In the midnight rain
If you go away
You may as well take the sun away

These loose strings that i find no use of
Should i cut them free
Or sew them tighter.
For what’s next i seek no attention to
For what’s hidden, was never meant to see through.
Billions and still counting…
For the absence it was never bothered of,
Unknown reasons the night had howled for.
Forced nightmares out of the dreamy eyes,
The eyes that never could seem any light from,
Or had it even wished to seek any..
After the eclipse it was forced to see through and the new moons it had to weep through.

In through the nose

Straight to the brain

That chemical drip

I attempt to refrain

White of the snow

Sparkle of ice

Set it before me?

Doubt i’d think twice