I am not pure
My shell is cracked and eroded in most places
Many have chiseled me away
And took the remains
The light grows dim on the inside
So dim it's no longer appealing to make a home
I am destined to crumble alone
Much like a puzzle undesired because few or more pieces are gone
I don't place the blame on anyone but my own
I often wonder if there's a another out there with a light inside that's not so bright
I want to see their face
So we can crumble at eachothers feet
Our componants will mix together
And form a beautiful masterpiece

Forever isn't relative

I once was an angel
The galaxy held me close
My star exploded
When i needed it the most
Down to earth i fall
Bones breaking through the atmosphere
To the surface i drop
I go right through
This is not my stop
Things are getting warm
I feel like I'm at home
My demons are present again
Oh how glad i am i made friends with them
I descend further
Where i stop I'll never know
I still hold a piece of your soul
Wherever i go
Hell isn't a fiery hole
You escape it when you're dead
The hell you and i know
Is only present in our heads

Your thoughts are a danger to you and i
They lay bricks in your head making you unable to fly
Building giant tombs in your mind
Making a peaceful place for your dreams to die
I will not allow it this time
Into your head i will go
Gently but effective
I will eat your demons whole
And all the negativity that flows through them
Will become a part of me
I refuse to let them take you down
Not this time
Empty out your hopeless head
And pour it into mine
I'll turn their skulls into bowls to catch the overflow
Tear off their wings and sew them to your back
I want to see you soar
Far away from their attack

I'll cut my own wings off
If it means keeping your soul intact

I hope i meet you soon

Open a floodgate of emotion
The motion of the ocean
Stick your hands through my chest so i can feel the devotion
Pulsing
Twisting
Unfolding
My heart in your hands
Eat it whole so i can feel safe again

Your personal markings are blurry

Mother moon
Father earth
Why have i been cursed since birth
Brother trees
Sister breeze
Why must you mock me when i can't stand on my own two
feet
Because I'm constantly knocking myself down
Internal fist fights in which i slam my own face into the ground
My heart doesn't pound
It has a slow steady beat
Much like an army who has just faced defeat
Its become less of a mind state and more of a disease

Death has made a quiet little cozy home in my head
Sometimes I creep into bed with it
And watch it sleep
Wondering when it will caress my cheek
Begging not to take anything else but me
And so if it decided to return
Id go willingly
I'll float through time and space
Watching everything happen at a speed of light pace
Hopefully my loved ones move on and forget
They don't deserve any type of fear or regret
Ascending through the ozone and into sun



Where do i go from here

Is there love out there for someone like me?
As cliche as a small excerpt like this might be
I can't help but wonder
Will there ever be someone who sees me like lightening and my voice like thunder
Following you around like your own personal little cloud of rain
A muse who understands my pain
Its not easy to believe in someone
This i know
For my past endeavors have told me so
I often fantasize about it
What its like for someone to know my demons in and out
Its a double edged sword
It has to be
For another human to understand
They'd have to be as crazy as me
I want to connect on a level where our fingertips create small worlds
And our bodies create galaxies
Just by simply touching

And then there's nothing

The internal clock winds down another year
Time keeps going by faster i fear
How much longer am i supposed to be here
That's not up for me to decide
Or is it
Who knows anymore
Certainly not me
Counted my birthdays on five year intervals with my fingers and toes
I've ran out
Twenty one years old still so very concerned with what life is about
I'm wasting time
Or am i
Who knows anymore
Am i still in my youth
What little youth i had
You tend to grow up very fast when self loathing thoughts are all you've ever had
Praying to a god to relieve you of always being so sad
Relative to everything that's happened in the past
I cannot release this hot burning coal
Its not as simple as letting things go

Its hard to think about numbness taking away huge chunks of me as a person
It keeps eating away at parts of my internal wiring until there's nothing but bare metal
Depression has somehow become a trend
Id gladly trade places with any of you to feel again
Please
Take this plague from my body
Take the weights off of my soul
I am losing control
I truly ache for anyone who can truly relate to this indifferent identity
I wouldn't wish this sickness upon my worse enemy
My mind screams so loud i expect every last ******* entity on this earth to hear it
Death to anyone who opposes my spirit
Even if its myself
I am past the point of help
My malfunctioned parts collect dust on a shelf
Self inflicted surgery at the time seemed to be the only way to ensure my health
There are pictures hanging everywhere of my body with the face cut out
I find no solace in how i look now
I've broken every mirror in my house
21 years of bad luck no reason to stop now
Encase me in cement and break me across the ground
So i can taste the dirt and get kicked around
One last time