once had a boyfriend

well was he technically that?

me thinks not

me thinks he just wanted to *** into
ma pants

and a few other assorted boys used this
same line

how they would complain
entangled in the car
hot breath heaving
long deep kisses
bodies writhing
on summer nights
and cold winter ones too

always squirming away
from curiously demanding
hands

after the zipper
between the thighs

warm delicious sensations...

But WAIT....

what will they say tomorrow?

so.... squirming away
never giving in
to the passion arising
high as the sky

frustrated...
these boys
would complain
like a little boy
not getting their new toy

YOU are giving me
BLUE *****

really?  is that really
a condition?
or are you just pulling my
proverbial leg?

and REALLY
it is MY fault?

me thinks not...

in any event
one day it came
to say

well... if you aren't
acquainted with your
right hand
perhaps now is the
time

and if you want a little
variety
use your left

and if you are feeling particularly
frisky
try them both
for the *******!

it worked perfectly for ME
for them
well
i didn't wait
around too
long to
SEE....

It’s only a necklace.
It shouldn’t mean much at all,
yet it holds everything I can never have,
it’s all I can do not to fall.

I’m gripping onto the shadows—
to the person he left behind.
Trying to remember his voice, his smile,
to make a picture inside my mind.

Is it strange to hate someone you never knew,
yet love them all the same?
I cannot tell if this is the truth,
or if my head is playing games.

The photographs of his kids and loving wife
make me wonder if he was ever there at all,
or if he was just a ghost of self-made fiction—
the unknown will become my downfall.

The truth is, he has so many others now.
A family to call home.
So why can’t I just let it go,
and go back to my own?

It’s just one silly gift.
It shouldn’t mean so much to me.
But without remembering who I was,
how do I know who I’m supposed to be?

It's not your fault if he doesn't say hi as you walk by.
It's not your fault if she doesn't seem to know you exist.
But it's not their fault either.
It's not your fault if you feel too much or nothing at all.
And if it gets bad, there's nothing wrong with curling up in a ball.
We all need an escape.
This is an important one.
It is NOT your fault if you get addicted to the drugs or the drink.
It's not your fault if you get so stressed, you can't eat, sleep, or think. It's not your fault
Because bad things, confusion, sadness, stress, loss, anger...it happens to everyone. It's not a choice.

The words roll-off
your tongue
like you've been
practising
in front of a mirror

Don't attempt
to humour me

Somehow I
want you
to wear my skin,
try it on
see how it
feels

But at the
same time I
don't wish
such a thing
on my worst enemy

Your jokes
always hit home

You told
each one
with a straight face
how was I
supposed to know
whether you
meant it or
not

You find it
frustrating just
being my guardian
imagine the torment
I go through each
and every day
trapped in this
skin of mine

You can't blame
Him,
so you blame
me

It's
sickening

Youth isn't
an excuse
it's a scapegoat

Please let me be, and grow up