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2016
You're hurt.
You might not have registered it, but he hurt you.
Many more people will hurt you in the same way.
They will make you feel worthless and replaceable, but you will find friends who stay.

2017
For the first time
You’re mourning for someone you never got to know.
Your mother is hurting—
You feel everything but you won’t understand until till you’re older.

2018
You love him,
But not in the way you think you do.
It won’t stop you from writing letters and holding his hand.
You'll spend many nights humiliated by your actions
And the next six years running away.

2019
You’ll understand sacrifice before you understand suicide,
And realise that everyone becomes orphans
And feel guilt for not paying rent to your parents.
You are not a burden.

2020
You feel trapped and scared
Feeling your fear rise along with the numbers.
But the storm will pass and it will be nothing but a common flu.

2022
For the first 6 months you’ll say your goodbyes
Then you’ll start public school in the middle of the year
You’ll learn profanities you had previously been sheltered from
Papers will pile on your shoulders and you will scream and sob as your soul is shredded over and over again.
You will learn of self harm. You will learn of insomnia.

2023
You will finally be able to name classmates
And race against the boys in PE. You will become class monitor.
You will have demons who shriek lies but also friends who will cover your ears to protect you.
You will wake up everyday with the knowledge that the death of your class is coming.
You telling stories, and stopped writing them too
You will finally talk to him about your mistakes 6 years ago, and leave the scout group in his hands

2024
You will watch as the group chat falls apart.
With you tearing yourself to try and keep the rotting bonds together.
You will tear your throat open screaming, because no one understand why at it's like to feel everything through the screen.
You will try to replace them with your new class, only to be let down again and again.
You will start to write all the hurt in rhymes, spilling your blood over the paper.
You will finally understand suicide, and why people want to die
You will also realise that a friend tried to jump two years ago, and you knew nothing about it.
You will find a find a friend willing to be the harmony to your melody, even if both of you tend to miscommunicate

2025
You've will meet will want to leave school, but also want to stay
You've will meet wonderful people on this website
Listen to their stories; cry for them, fear for them, pray for them
Want to know them better but still be too scared to do so
You will be insecure and distance yourself from friends.
You'll be scared to hurt them.
You’ll hold back because you feel like you’re too much. Don’t go silent.
But the year isn't over yet, so you've got time
If I could write a note to each year’s version of myself

For those who actually read the whole thing you have no idea how much that means to me. Thank you, I appreciate you so much <3
Vida Apr 25
The devil is beautiful
That's the point
No one wants to be ugly
Beautiful does not equate inherent goodness
Lucifer was god's favorite
so beautiful
so perfect
Vain
He fell
The devil is.
So beautiful.
you can't help but follow him
Track him with your eyes
Fall into his gaze
Actions be ****** because
God is hard
God is divine, a being you can't look at for fear you'll never look back away
God is the type of divinity that strikes feat in nations
The devil is easy
Comfortable
Conventional
Convenient
Do I really want to be beautiful?
Vida Mar 30
I've only recently been able to admit to the idea that I am depressed
No
A person with depression
I know I have things
I have a history
I think in my head an attempt isn't depression
Just a bad decision

Symptoms of depression include
• Irritability
• Difficulty concentrating
• Lack of energy
• insomnia or excessive sleeping

Obviously I don't have those
I'm not irritable I'm probably just hungry
I haven't been able to concentrate my whole life. Why start now
I'm a teenager of course i'm tired
It's not sleeping excessively I just like naps

Its that **** phone
If your room weren't such a mess
Get out more
Socialize
There's light at the end of the-

Shut up

Two years ago I tried to end my life
Downed a bottle of pain meds and a canister of albuteral
All to wake up with just a sore throat
It didn't work so here I am again
Against my own worse judgements
Too tired to try again so I'm just gonna go to sleep

So now I'm going to sleep
tomorrow I will remember how to be happy.
And then by 2pm I'll forget again
Completing the circle
I currently only have two followers on HePo
With the amount of views, my poems are getting Please help a girl out and follow me 🙏🏾
Vida Mar 30
I don't think the world would comprehend what I mean when I say I have intuitive thoughts.
When I say I think about grabbing a knife from the cupboard and
I'm not gonna finish that one
The thoughts bleed from my head.
I look like carrie
Obscene words cover me from top to bottom
Next time you get in the shower you should water board yourself
Put a fork in the microwave and watch it explode in your face
Get ready in the morning with a nice ice bath for your face, just use boiling water
Clip your nails, clean off. Keep cutting.
You should shave until there's nothing left
Bleed
Cut
Bleed
But those intrinsive thoughts aren't silly and funny
So i'm gonna stick to
You should eat that whole jar of nutella
Obviously this isnt one of my best but how do you get through a rough patch. You write
Vida Mar 28
I've never been in love but I can imagine it
Matching fits, talking bout cats n ****
Be my man ill be your *****
Ride or die
When I'm with you we'll fly
Superman, cheer for you in the stands
Here for you till the end
My man will be perfect
Absolutely no flaws he'll have it all
Speed dial no need to call
Cause my man will have it all
Cause my man
My man
I haven't met you yet and I know you'll be perfect
Because in the ocean of my dreams I see you surfing
I'm learning
That everything i do is leading up to you
And everything you do and see is for the moment you meet me
Don't that just make you cheese
The duo we'll be
whole world to see
My man and me
I'm still not in love, B is amazing and honestly the best him I could ever know but I like the quiet of nothing. This was also meant to have a beat so someone rap it
Vida Mar 28
When words fail what's left?
Song?
My praises singing
Hands?
I gesture, paint worlds with my movements
When words fail do we write?
Put my pen to paper and let the words spread like watercolor
Words
speech, are all I know
Silence is a foreign language to me
When words fail I have little left.
So I pray my words do not fail.
Because words are mine.
kn Mar 17
Monday rush, the world spins fast,
But my heart with you always last.
So take a breath, my sweetest honey one,
The day will pass, the night will come.

When the world feels tough to face,
Just know I’m always your safe place.
In my arms, you’ll always see,
My love is yours—eternally.
kn Mar 15
Hug me tight until
I can smell you,
Comforting as blissful blue,
Days have passed; you’ve no clue,
How much I longed for you.

The warmth of your
arms wrapped around me,
Those hazelnut eyes -
I could only see,
Soft hands intertwined
with mine,
I wouldn’t trade for
billions of dime.
16.03.25 (0219)
thoughts running wild
kn Mar 14
The world is better
with you in it.
You don’t have to do
anything extraordinary to
deserve love—you are enough
just as you are.
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