When i was fourteen
I learnt how to tie a rope
And practiced on a small string
until i could tie it with my eyes closed

i kept it in my pocket
i placed it in my bag
I played with it when i was lonely
and held it in my hands

Now i'm nineteen
I no longer remember how to tie a rope
But i still keep my small string
In the deep corner of my drawer

Instincts,
they follow me everywhere I go
everything that I do
my instincts always end up seeping through

When I'm at the supermarket
Instincts,
surround me and won't go away
and string me up onto full display

When I'm at school
Instincts,
tunnel my vision and muffle my words
and fearfully shove me into the herd

When I'm at home
I let my Instincts run loose
let them force me into recluse
and continue to self-induce

Instincts climbing all into my head
Instincts all around, widespread
Instincts that live off of self-abuse
Instincts that make me seek solitude in a freshly tied noose.

Today is the day I'll go down in the calendar,
It's the day of my surrender.
The day I wave my little white flag,
the day I give my life back,
the day I kneel down to the enemy
asking them to put an end to me.
I surrender,
I surrender.

This is not a goodnight,
this is a goodbye.
I can’t promise you that you’ll see me again.
Just please know that I love you with all my heart
and I don’t mean to tear you apart.
Please don’t grieve,
instead believe
that I’m exactly where I want to be.
One.
Two.
Three.