Alien, you remain a mystery to me.
You carve upon my retinas with your ideas,
your friendless habits abduct my days.
You phrase my nightmares and phase through
my eyelashes, lasting a dawn with nothing more than
gibbous eyelids, over-ambitious? No. My heart is not nutritious,
fixing this isn't by contributing to the addiction, inflicting
absence as a base to what I do; how I think. Why are
you always at the edge of when I
blink?
---------

I'm a poignant addict. Mapless, speckled floors
and uneasy voices are all I find. I'm vulnerable with the
concerning looks, and I promised I'd tell the truth this time.
Yet helplessness reached me, and hopelessly seized me, how
good can my breath be, if all it does is burn me? Words hurt
my heart, and convinced me it shouldn't be beating. The same
old ceiling won't see me sleeping. How good can life be, if it
wants to **** me?

Affable laughs glide on his throat,
they believe he's fine even if he won't.
Timidly shaking, he's achingly happy,
draining himself just to descend to the concrete,
he eternally casts his eyes with a sapphire glow.

Leave him on the sidewalk,
they move on; but he's not.
Marigold grows from his chest,
but all they see is Narcissus,
he lived very little; though it felt like a lot.

Orange was his heart,
watered from the counterparts.
Puddled with the anguish,
eventually it vanished,
I know it's quite bazaar;

but honestly,
that's his better days
by far--

We grab our blades,
and go to war.
You cut me up,
and I cut you more.
I beat your arms,
while you flood my head.
**** out your words,
and I drown instead.
Yet you've no bruises,
mine are as dim as night.
They say it's just darkness,
but they can't see your eyes.
You mutate reality,
and I only help.
"Can I get better?"
I say; and, farewell--

I provoke my demons, demonstrating
ways they can hurt me and invoke them to do so.
Choking them up, one by one, my fingers draped,
my senses blurred, mind emptied of their
nagging, stomach twisting as I realize what I did.
I watch them swirl, I watch them leave,
and I'm left with their staining guilt again.
Do I hold one strength if all I feel is weakness?
These demons want to win, and I always give in.
I pretend I'm in control until it seeps in;
straining my muscles, I failed again.
Constantly invited to events that
feel cathartic, but borderline insanity.
Emotions are high, devotion renewed,
I was used again.
I threw up again.

I'll leave the razor on the floor for you.
There's nothing that could've changed it.
I'm nothing, that's a fact, and I ******* hate it.
I can't be sorry for doing this, it gives me a sense of worth.
A sense of meaning, and that hurts, I'm too far gone now to cease the pain.
Sadness gives me solace, and so do two last cuts, down the middle,
one last time, because scars are not enough.
They were never enough.
Nothing is ever enough for me.
I'm ******* nothing.

Where were you something so deep, so cold?
Trapped in the wishing well of the untold.
Surrounded by meer memories of my past, I am never to see the present.
Why is it for myself I hold all this resentment?
I'm mad at myself, for I am so weak.
Days are passing and breath feels bleak.
I would always play by that wishing well, never knowing what time would tell.
Jump, climb, try to survive..
Although my inner hopes can barely thrive.
Breathe! Breathe, I'm starting to choke..
I miss my home, I'm so alone, falling deeper into onset misery, setting up my life for catastrophes.
Losing, losing! My humanity; I've sunk deep into my own insanity.
Now I have fallen, now I am gone;
now this wishing well is full of my blood.

I want to slip into the ocean and say goodbye peacefully,
this kind of want isn't something unnatural to me.
The waves so surrounding,
**** my heart is pounding..
I just want to be set free.

From the heart of the waters I'll eventually fade,
there's a war in my brain and it's a ******* crusade.
There's only one remedy,
I need the serenity,
Let me go unscathed.

Let me go unaided.
Set me free; fading.
No more violent thoughts, or
all of the battles I've fought for,
let me have what I've always been chasing.

Days awake in unwell sleeping patterns,
Mechanical days are flourishing, I've
Kinda wished everything wasn't so fast;
I kinda wish I wasn't alive.
I was taken away within stabilization,
Carried in the means of unstable air.
Bury me, I scream, reassurance is blared,
I open in the truths of holding no care.
I doted on ideations,
Creating my world wielded in shame.
Crested on my darkest demons,
Resting with every ounce of blame.
My molecules are crying out,
"The world uses broken tools"
If only this world understood me,
And the impulsivity of oncoming abuse.
Inside I am an unkempt person,
And days are passing more than I know.
I gifted your works with my happiness,
And it is now time that I let you go.
I can't forgive you but I can
Forgive myself for loving you.
Goodbye mom

Postpone your worries and follow me through my imagination,
Act upon your wrongs and fall for their sedations.
Progress runs behind protection, projected
As living when death's deeply invested.
Vibrant red always becomes so much deeper.
Everyone tells me I'll heal but I'm not a believer.  
Relief is when I release it all completely,

Repeating history until it kills me.
Hover losses as shadows watch,
Oh the concern as all hope dislodged,
Evenings now tempt you to
Alleviate them for no longer,
Send me away from here forever.