I asked for forgiveness, but you pushed me away,
I wanted you to understand that we were both suffering,
but you left your scent on the sheets,
and I would give anything to be in your arms again.

The morning came, but it left me wondering-
How will I fill this void that you left behind?
The day stretches on, promises long
and I'm alone with no one to ease my mind.

I can't bear this loneliness, I miss you so much,
I have no one left to confide in, no tender touch.
I spend my days looking out the window,
Hoping, still hoping, to have you back by my side.

Everything is falling apart, I'm lost for words,
What will become  of me? The silence hurts.
I wait for you as if you'll come home once more,
But the memories haunt me, and I'm still at war.

I wish for time to make them fade away,
But the past won't leave me, and it's here to stay.
I think about you more than words can say-
Sometimes, I hear the sound of your voice, so far away.

The years pass by, and with them I see
How lucky I was to have you next to me.
I'll wait and I'll wait for as long as it takes,
Never stopped loving you - no matter what is makes.

In the darkness of night, I begged you to stay,
And since you've been gone, I've been lost in the grey.
Under my eyelids, your image is clear,
I was meant to love you - this much I hold dear.

It hurt me to hurt you, the pain still stings,
I've never suffered so much for anything,
But I don't want freedom, I don't want to be free
I just want to stay in the business of loving you, endlessly

It’s easier to be mad at you than it is to admit that I miss you.
It’s easier to pretend to hate you than it is to admit that I love you.

I don’t think you’ll leave my mind any time soon.
Genuinely, You are the stars to my moon.
Honestly, I hope you never will; I hope it just gets easier on my heart.
I patiently wait to hear from you still, which honestly sounds really stupid—I swear to God, I’m actually pretty smart.

It may not seem that way because you’ve turned my world upside down.
I promise I don’t typically walk around with a constant frown.

I’m fine, really. I’m just trying to heal.
Most of the time, my brain tries to convince me that you’re not even real.

You see, my brain does this thing where it makes me forget.
You’d think that would be helpful during hard times like this.

And although it can be helpful, it also really hurts.
Because I don’t want to forget you,
Remembering that you exist keeps me from living in the dirt.

Okay, that may be dramatic, but I can’t really help it.
I’ve always had emotions too strong to control, but I’m trying my best to deal with it.

They say it’s a superpower, and I swear I’m trying to believe them.
Because honestly, it mostly feels like a curse, not a hidden gem.

My emotions have always controlled me, so I’m trying my best to learn to control them.
I figure it’s the best way to solve most of my problems.

You see, I am emotional, loving, and kind.
But most people don’t know that because I don’t let them into my mind.

But you? You’re stuck there. Like I said, you live rent-free. But I need to try to move on because I also understand that I need to let you be.

We both have demons that we’re fighting with every day.
Although I wish I could be there to help you fight yours,
I don’t want to stand in your way.

In the way of happiness,
The way of a future with her.
You see, I’d rather you be happy, even if it’s not with me—
Even though you are my clarity while everything else is a blur.

You see, that coping mechanism that I mentioned,
The one about subconsciously forgetting?
Yeah, well no matter how hard I’ve tried to fix it, I can’t; which is extremely frustrating and upsetting. Honestly, mostly I just find it so ******* confusing. I don’t ever have control over it, but I guess my feelings for you are the reason it’s diffusing.

When it comes to you, it’s hard to forget anything you said. When you spoke, it’s like my brain was writing down notes by carving them into my head.

Like, I remember your middle name and that you were born in March.
I even remember the color of your eyes and the way your smile has a slight arch.
You see, you mostly sent me pictures of your smirk, and I think I know why.
You’re busy fighting your demons so much,
Trying your best to forget, even if that means getting high.

So, you can’t genuinely smile much because you’re in so much pain.
I can relate and it makes my heart hurt,
And I wish I could help take it all away.

I could write for hours about you, but I should let my brain rest.
As I mentioned, you’re living rent-free in my head,
And I need to get some energy for tomorrow.
You see, every day I’ve really been failing the “I don’t miss you” test.

And as you mourn the memory of her
I mourn the memory of you

Still,
I imagine a future
where you
and I
exist together

Unfortunately,
I know
we never will

Reminiscing about a love that was in my dreams. A love that was its own chapter. The chapter been over. I’m just re reading it. Hoping for a different outcome.

But it won’t come. It never will.

Home, for me, was never a place;
That comfort and safety aren't tied to a space -
for me it's the people, and emotions they bring:
a hallowed steeple, a hymn to sing.
.
Since you left I've been homeless,
- a wandering wreck -
no refuge nor address,
a stone 'round my neck.
.
My friends have homes,
and I'm a welcome guest,
yet my soul still roams:
a traveler with no quest.
.
And my friends are springs,
fresh, clear, and pure,
but for one who is starving,
water's no cure.
.
I hunger, my love, for your lips on mine,
Heavens above, grant me a sign.
This beaten-down husk, this wretched shell,
A shadow in dusk, for you unwell.
.

Every night, I think about texting you again. But will you reply? Absquatulated. You absquatulated me. You left without saying goodbye.

I ruminated everything. Did I do something wrong? I'm waiting, but I shouldn't be.

Sometimes I think, "I'm glad you let me go, cause I wouldn't." But I realized how many times it happened to me. Those little times felt like a million times.

I wish to the heavens, "I hope he see something that reminds me of us, so that he will know how he broke my heart, so that he will know how it felt when he broke my heart."

I cried for the first time writing on my diary. When I wrote something there, it's just anger. But finally, there's another emotion. I cried when i wrote you in my diary, knowing that nothing ever lasts, and you're one of it.

Maybe at the start, you loved me, but little by little, you'll start to hate me. I still love you, but don't even think of me wanting to see you again. Because everything I loved will fade away.

It always crosses my mind, "Do people only love me cause they couldn't find someone to love?" I knew you would do the same thing, but I still chose you. Atleast you know how I love someone, right?
I feel like, I'm just someone's short happiness. When they get tired of it, they leave it and let it be abandoned.

Don't worry, I'll forget you like you forget me. But I feel like it would take a lot of time to forget everything about you.

I miss you, but I hate the fact that I miss you.

Against all common sense,
you still give me butterflies;
I want to tell you without pretense
how my heart for you sighs.
.
My fingers hover over the phone,
indecisive, nervous, cringing;
Since you left I'm so alone,
a kingdom without a king.
.
Words, my usual weapons of choice,
fail me when it comes to you.
I fear you'll forget my voice,
our nights; move on to someone new.
.
It's hard. It's frustrating,
this near-constant low;
Missing you, contemplating,
screaming into a pillow.
.
And memories, little ones,
just flashes of that high,
Bittersweet firefly-suns
of the days you were nigh.
.
These crumbs of text,
an occasional voice note,
Starving till the next,
Hungering for what you wrote.
.
I need you, I love you so
embarrassingly much,
Your smile, your eyes of doe,
the fire of your touch.
.
And yet it gets caught in my throat,
the selfish begging for your return;
so I just pray, in silence,
as I continue to burn.
.

You find me.
In the church bells of a Hozier song,
the sheets that without you feel wrong,
you bind me.
.
You remind me,
of our sunny morning walks,
of our silly grinning talks,
when you find me.
.
You touch every thought,
my eternal leitmotif;
no such battle fought
as with you, my heart-thief.
.
And I want to write words,
tell you how strongly I yearn,
but my mind sees absurds:
so each letter I burn.
.
And I'm terrified, paralyzed with fear;
I dread your heart will cool,
that you won't love me, my dear -
that I've been but a fool.
.
Chasing dreams, all in vain,
as I wonder who warms your bed;
So far away, across the pain,
racing terrors in my head.
.
An ocean between us, worlds apart,
I crave desperately for your embrace.
Yet still I'm silent, intrepid heart -
a grave of sorrow, sans your grace.
.