I don't know how to whine or cry about it.
It feels like misery.
Something I deserve, something I don't deserve.

I don't know;
Is it all the sins of being hopelessly romantic? -
That the one time I find myself the ideal mate,
I lose her; for my sins. I blame my sins.
My wasteful sins.

I've wasted many-a-hearts.
Unrequited.
Not interested.
Really.

There she was. I was standing in front of a mirror.
Alone. There she was.
In a dress, long hair, a smile, tantalizing lips;
my personality, my interests, my views; a recluse - we.

Yet, alone in front of this mirror, it was She I saw.
Not I.
Her. I saw her.
She was me. I was her. We were I.
At least in the sense - in my sense - we were I.
I saw myself in her. I saw us in her. I saw her in us.
It was confusing; Aren't opposites suppose to attract?
Yet, there I was, attracted to the female version of my own mirror image.
She was refreshing. I had been alone. I am alone.
There she was, an image of me. I want to be alone with her.
I wanted.

Thing is;
Love is a minor - always childish - always unrequited.
Everything I saw was everything that never presented itself to her.
I found myself caught in an deceitful delusion.
I conformed myself into a conforming.
She was the idea that was not an idea - but became THE idea.
I saw perfect in her. Perfect in everything that was not perfect.
I saw love in everything that was not loveable.
I saw time in everything that was not worth my time.
I saw us in everything that was not us. It was never us.
She - I, trapped in a delusion.

I saw everything I wanted, but love is a minor - childish.
Everything I want was for someone else to have.
She was for someone else to have. Someone else has her.

And I;
I am alone.
I have no 'her'.
No She.

So many thoughts firing shots to the dome.
None random. I've had these feelings all along.
Dealing with them all alone.
To you, another sad love song.
To me, they are the reasons why I am.
The one you claim to know but barely understand.
So halt in the judgement,
your kind so easily seems to pass
I'm 10 steps ahead of the petty
Traps laid for snakes in the grass.
I'm on that ***.
Whippin it around the curves
Unbothered by life swerves
Thinking you know what's best for me, you got the nerve.

He thought about his goals all too often
Sometimes he drove right by them
He never seemed to know where he was
Except his dreams that always waited for him

Nothing mattered as long as he believed
He had faith that his desires were worthwhile
It was the life that he decided to live for himself
But he couldn’t decide if it was a foot or a mile

He finally realized accepting reality was life
Trying to impress strangers could never last
The people that he knew always felt left out
He won not by winning but by accepting his past

Ignoring his mistakes sustained him for years
Pretending to be different is easier than it seems
But he decided he measured with the wrong cup
Loving a woman was harder than chasing dreams

Listening to light as it arrives from the deepest past,
   only to be stricken by the dark,
   as it passed the last mile
Seeing voices bound by etchings on a tombstone,
   only to be silenced by memories,
   that forgot how to smile
Touching wind storms demanding audience with me now,
   only to be shepherded into balloons,
   that can only float and beguile
Climbing waves of torrent driven by images of sparkling sands
   only to be reminded once again,
   of the futility of living in exile

he walks alone; faking a smile
deep within are pairs of agonies
grief, distraught; but still he smiles
walking down the pavement, he stops
turning around are unfriendly friends
they wave at him; camouflaging a smile
he looks away and continues

He has moved thus far, still no one
he hears the birds chipping; the cats crying and water falling
the queen of the night's flower arouse him; bringing him to a rush of impulse and pleasure, but still he wanders

they have stabbed him twice; his closest pals
they set him up; they slander him behind the scene and still rush to.him with cold hands
he has decided to stay firm; a man of his own- to walk through the valley alone; A Beautiful Loner.

I feel like an opened book with various huge words that no one understands.
Here I am telling you exactly how I feel but you completely ignore it because the words I chose was the truth.
Flooding me with the I love you's and the good memories that you thought would change my mind-my feeling remains the same
I wish you could just leave it at our goodbyes instead of making me seem so cold .