I fake a smile
And say I'm fine
I hide my scars
And calm my mind
I starve myself
And dry my eyes
I hold it back
And keep it inside

Welcome to my diary.

It's just a tease
It's just a joke
I'm sure that she
Can take much more

'Twas just the cat
'Twas just the diet
'Twas just the meds
That kept her quiet

Help her soul
Her soul is fine
But save her mind
From what's behind

Thunderstorms and razors
Linger in mind
"I'm fat , stupid and weird"
Is what's behind

So the purging came
Like a knight in shining armor
And the freeing of pain
Came running through her veins

And all she ever needed
From all of these madnesses
Was the thought of silence
Being only a cut away

Because It was just your tease
And It was just your joke
That made her think
*Happiness is just a hoax

It's just a tease
*
It's just a *joke

I'm sure her wrists
*
Can take much more

For every *word
that ached her heart
was written in red
within her skin



'Twas just the cat
*
'Twas just the *diet
*
'Twas just the *pills

That kept her silent



Help her soul

Her soul is fine

But save her perception
*
From the *false veracities



A deluge of razors
*
Raid in mind

"I'm fat , naive and eccentric"

Is what's behind



So the *purging came

Like knights in gory battle
Relentlessly ravaging
Shattering the girl from the inside

*

And all she ever felt

Was the *absurdity

Of the gory knights
Ready to slit the thread of life

Blinded by the agonizing relief
She lost her mind to perfection
And ‘twas only then when
*She whimpered in bitter regret

*

Because It was just your *tease
*
And It was just your *joke
*
That emboldened the knights

to make her think *happiness is just a hoax

It's 2 in the morning
And I'm *triggered already
My body is aching
While I stop myself from crying

It's 2 in the morning
And my stomach is grumbling
I want blood, guts, cookies and cakes
I'm gonna puke them anyway

It's 2 in the morning
And I lie awake alone
With no one to hug me
Or tell me I matter

It's 2 in the morning *
And I'm *starting to recall
Every single name I've been called
Just to push me off the ledge

It's 2 in the morning
And I'm painting with a twist
The twist is the fact
That my canvas is my wrist

It's 2 in the morning
And I've written my last words
I'm caught in the loop of paradise
As I tip the chair to fall off

It's 3 in the morning
And my blood is dripping
My parents are crying
While I died smiling

They open up the letter
And they wept as the read:

*Dearest cruelest world,
Look at what you've done
You've crushed my fragile heart
And please don't tell me I'm being selfish
Because everyone wanted me dead
Sure my parents are mournful
But it's because of obligation
Not love
My siblings won't mind
Since they'll just take my possessions
And I'm sure my friends won't bother
Since they've all left me
So at the end of the day
I've done this for I pitied
What could have happened
If I continue to let them hurt me