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I have something within me that I cannot
Bear the burden of of its insinuation.
In the sport-ability of chit-chat I have
Often tried to conquer these thoughts
And with infinite pain I have hazarded
A thousand things hidden within myself.

“Excuse me,’’ I said upon seeing his face
Coming toward me while walking in Central Park.
“Are you who I think you are?’’ I asked.
“I suppose that depends on who you think I am,” he replied.
Not wanting to be made out a fool I asked
“OK, are you best known as JFK?”
“Well not exactly, he was my father,” he said with a smile.

I stuck out my hand like an idiot – but -
He offered his hand and shook mine like a man.
“I can’t believe it,” I said, “You really can
Bump into anyone in the big apple.”
He said that he had to be going, had to finish
His walk and get back to the office.

I asked him if I could tag along, just walk with him.
He said, “Sure.”
He kept a brisk pace, it was a cool day but comfortable.
The leaves were turned, mostly all fallen and
Then I realized that it was November 22nd.
“I’m real sorry about your dad,” I said,

“It broke my heart when I was a child.”
He nodded his head and sort of slowed his pace.
“How old were you?” he asked.
“I was 9”.
“I was 3”, he said looking at the ground.
“Yeah I know,” I said, “Everybody knew.”

He stopped and turned toward me,
Tilted his head to the left and point blank said,
“You know the story about my dad’s assassination
Is all BS don’t you?”
He caught me completely off guard but before I
Could say anything he turned back around and starting

Walking away from me like I had the plague.
I stood in my tracks but after he had gotten about 10 paces
He stopped and turned, “Well, do you want to walk or not?”
I half jogged to catch up with him and when I did
I couldn’t think of anything to say.
“Look I don’t know you and you don’t know me, “ he said
In a rough almost angry voice.
“Can you keep a secret?” he asked.
Still half jogging to keep up with him I answered,
“Sounds like you need someone to talk to.”

He slowed a bit, “I just got confirmation on who killed my dad.”
OK, about this time I’m like you saying a few choice curse words
In my mind – like holy sh…. You know..
“What are you going to do?” I asked.
“Hell I don’t know,” he said, “It’s all circumstantial.”
Coming to a complete stop, “There’s got to be a way that I
Can tell people, let the whole world know that I know who did it.”

He turned to me, “What would you do if you knew who took your dad
Away from you when you were just a baby but if you told anyone about these
Murdering, slime ***** they would most likely **** you too?” he asked.
“I don’t know sir,” I said shrugging my shoulders.
“If I had your money I’d figure out a way though,” I continued.
With a questioning look he asked, “OK, if you had my money what would you do?”

“I don’t know, man,” I said - “Maybe name a building after them or a street
Or something that everyone knew you named.
You know, like a hint or a clue or something.”
His eyes got big, “That’s it,” he said, “By God that’s it.”
He shook my hand again and asked me my name.
And a few short years later he was gone too.

But the name – the name he named his business – there’s your clue

They say that time heals all wounds.  That isn’t always true. Sometimes what is needed to heal some wounds is justice. I hope that someday this particular American wound gets its fully deserved justice. One thing for sure, there can never be any justice,in this instance or any other, without Truth. What is it about JFK Jr. that whispers to me that he is not really gone?
John AD Jan 2018
Tumulo ang aking luha nang makita ang larawan sa nakaraan
Ang Dami na palang nagbago,pansin ko ang mga ngiti nila dito
Makikita mo rin ang mabilis na pagpalit ng imahe nila erpats at ermats
Bata pa sila non at ako wala pang kamuwang-muwang kundi maging masaya

Nakakatuwang nakakalungkot dahil hindi na natin maibabalik ang dati
Panahong kailangan kong matulog ng tanghali para daw lumaki
Napalo pa nga ako dahil sa pagsuway sa kanilang mga sinasabi
Naalala ko pa nga nung binaril ko si erpats ng Baril-barilan na kanyang binili

Nakakamiss ang ganitong mga bagay sa isang lumang larawan
Kahit naibaon na , puno ng alikabok , talagang maalala mo ang dati
Minsan mapapangiti ka nalang na may kasamang luha pero lagi **** tatandaan , masarap balikan ang nakaraan pero mas kailangan natin bigyang pansin ang kasalukuyan.
Memories
John AD Dec 2017
Lying in bed makes me calm,
Hugging my pillows, sweaty palms,
I'm dizzy or drunk, Don't tell mom.
I think people like me are both scared and brave
Suicidal thoughts are always in my head.
I'm not afraid to die nor hurting myself.
But some people think that I'm worthless
They think we are weak because we cant surpass the test.
But most of you people are scared to take a risk.
Look at yourself ,are you afraid of dying,
Then look at me I'm not afraid of dying
I'm just tired of trying and crying.
Are you afraid of dying ? Or afraid and brave  at the same time?
John AD Dec 2017
What a wonderful day , Hearing all the pain from the others
Everytime it think about it, it hurts, feelings are so deep
I wish to become a child again. I miss myself, the moment,
When I was a child seeing my father and mother both love each other,
getting those small things that makes me so happy and not colder,
Just enjoyable days happens as a child that will not happen today

Because today , all the happiest things become confusion
Writing this poem , falling tears , can't find a way or a solution.
Maybe I'm at the breaking point where I don't care about my life anymore,
I just want to end my life , so I can escape from the pain that keeps killing me.

I just want to end this sh*t that makes me more uncomfortable of becoming ME.
Release
John AD Dec 2017
Tomorrow I'm getting older,
Maybe it's worse but I don't care,
Just planning my life to be free,
Smiling every day, lookin' at the trees
Falling leaves, escape from insanity
Been here since 96 , until the day I learned to speak.

I've opened my eyes, mind ,and soul,
In my past , I'm blind from reality
As I am getting older, I learned to observe and seek the society.
Now I'm turning 21 can you see the maturity ,
Or still trapped from anxiety

But I'm happy being myself ,
Because since the day I was born ,
My family is teaching me the way,
To have a good personality.
Tomorrow(Just another day)
John AD Nov 2017
Help me again from this pain,
My heartbeat is beating so fast and
I don't want to feel this way again
My body is shaking and nobody came
No love from others , and my heart always get some stain.

I feel I was in the penitentiary,
Trapped inside a cell,can't find a way to set me free,
I'm alive but I feel I'm dead
Every second of my life I felt I was running in a thread
Those books I read , Still hauntin' my head ,
The Knowledge I received , Is it good or bad?

This panic attacks , Solution is Xanax
Very addictive , but Helps me to relax.
Is this the same way to begin with ?
Or choose "To be Alive or Dead?"
Panic Attack
John AD Nov 2017
Gaano ba kadaling ipagwalang-bahala ang isang bagay?
Iniisip mo parin ba ang kasiyahan,
O hindi mo na namamalayan , ang iyong kapalaran?

Marahil ngayo'y hindi mo pa naiisip ,na
Kinabukasan ngingiti ka parin ba o,
Palihim ka nalang sisilip.

Tignan mo ang kapwa mo kayod-kalabaw buong buhay
Habang ikaw nakaupo ka lang nakaharap sa modernong teknolohiya,
Sinusubuan ng pera at habang buhay ka na yatang magiging buhay maharlika, Ano?

Magmamasid ka nalang ba sa nangyayari?
O iisipin mo nalang ang ginawa mo nung nakaraan,
Malagim na nakaraan na dinadala mo sa kasalukuyan

Hindi puro kasiyahan ang takbo ng buhay ng tao
Kailangan din ng kahirapan,kalungkutan para makamit ang inaasam-asam,
Huwag kang tumunganga kumilos ka , Ano?

Hahanap ka ba ng paraan o ngingitian mo na lamang?
O iaasa mo nalang sa ibang tao , o sa pagod **** mga magulang,
Na nakaupo ka nalang hindi kumikilos naghihintay ng pera ni Juan?
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