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M Vogel Oct 15

You are a tremendous overthinker
that's for sure. Taking a person like
you on.. with all your chaos
is no small task.
  In order to do that,
I have to take care of myself..
in order to keep from being
pulled down.. or pulled into
your chaotic whirlwind.
  So I create parameters of protection
through my words sometimes
when we talk.

You are not an easy person to take on.

  There are few people in the world
that are even able to truly take on a person
like you, within any kind of depth.
  That is how chaotically traumatized
the inside of your whole beautiful
body is. And somehow you take it
personally when I try to bring
structure in,.  as though you're three
years old,
  and you take regular grown up talk
  as being some kind of threat.
  But.. you are fragmented  and ripped
to shreds on the inside  by those
who truly brought harm
instead of good when you were little.  
  From that place inside of you, a
anything feels like judgment.
Anything feels like it's trying to control you
or put things inside you.

I know that.. and I still love you

  Loving a person in your condition
requires a certain level of self protection.
It's like I have to tie a
special rope around myself when I
jump into your world..  so I can be
pulled back out.
  For me..
The structure of my own words are that rope.
  It is the only way I can love you deeply
and enter into your absolutely broken world
  Please try to understand..
even though it scares you..

Just how much I need that

  If you are able to do that,
then I think you might even be able
to actually love me.
I did not come to steal,
or control..
  .. or fix

I came to be there for you

within all of your broken chaos



"Today is yesterday when you don't know
how to rebuild the walls
that someone has knocked down..

To tell the truth,
it's hard enough without a lover
who you want to hide your darkness from
so they won't let you down"

https://youtu.be/ZeDZCixQpvo?si=3VvphGSflD3R6D95

😔xoxo
Zywa Nov 2023
Her pious father

locks me up and my girlfriend --


he pulls to the bed.
Poem "Getuienis" ("Testimony", 2016, Ronelda Kamfer)

Collection "Within the walls"
eleanor prince Dec 2022
I'm sorting pictures in the archive box.
Shelved for that day that I kept putting off.
The job's to cull and have less stuff to store,
but spiders lurk and snakes are sliding out.

The photo shouts in raw dismemberment.
A howling wind, the prowl of packs of wolves.

I stare at trembling splinters held so close.
Her daytime Self looks like a sweet old dame.

I hear again the creak as floorboards pause;
my breath is held lest I miss steps that halt,
outside my door in seconds held at bay.

I see the handle
   slowly...
      lower..
         down.

Her strides are swift and next, her perfume's here.
With broken breath, she yields to clawing drives
and throws my bedclothes off like spider webs.

My youth she steals as night groans on and on.
For merchants took her bloom on stormy sea.

I clutch my knife and picture stabbing her;
But I've no strength to do the deed - I'm five.

Her mouth is pushed on lips zipped up and cold.
The bed is torn in tangled bits of knots.
My legs are jammed together- ripped apart.
My pillow's wet as aunty takes her cut.
M Vogel Oct 2021

In time..

You will learn to forgive yourself..
for  all  the reasons  why
  you think you need
  to forgive yourself.

The blame,  and shame
placed in to you
was done  in the most  
horrendously unfair way..
when you were  at  such a
tenderly-young,  
and impressionable age.

It  was  your  v u l n e r a b i l i ty
that was so horribly cashed in on.
The greatest horror of all
was the shame and blame
that you were forced  to carry..

as if it was your own doing..


   It    Was    Not.


No masters or kings
when the ritual begins
There is no sweeter innocence
than our gentle sin
In the madness and soil
of that sad, earthly scene..

Only then I am human,
Only then I am clean..
Oh..  oh Amen,

Amen..  Amen.

Take me to church,
I'll worship like a dog
at the shrine of your lies
I'll tell you my sins
and you can sharpen your knife
Offer me that deathless death

Good God, let me give you my life
https://youtu.be/gorHgNUd1Ys

<3
xo xo
Rew Sep 2021
At first his kisses mere filial pecks
around my ears my cheek and throat
so far removed from those of ***
but soon his eyes began to gloat.

His lithesome weight should comfort me
my only clothes a dressing gown
he squirms this open with brutal knees
same eyes as mine a deep dark brown.

He grasps my hair, eyes open wide,
twin grips of an owner's embrace
he'll make me be his loving bride
my eyes above almost my face.

He cries out Mom! I whisper, son
trembling at our sweet loving fate
belly to belly becoming one
whimpering as he *******.

When he is drowsy at the last
I'll pet him as a mother should
and clean him up from his forceful lust
with my tongue...
A work of fiction.
M Vogel Jul 2021

Insane, jealous wives..
controlling ones
They are everywhere
or at least  they are,
with the men she knows..


So she comforts them
in their affliction,
in a cherub-like  way--
these poor men,

with their  insane,
controlling  girlfriends  and
wives--

crazy, jealous women
that refuse to allow  their men
to talk to her
or be alone in a room, with her

It seems as though  
the world is filled  with
insane,   controlling
jealous women--


at least,  in the lives
of the men  she knows,
there is.

taught  well
at such a tender young age.

the problem is always elsewhere
<3
Chani Goldstein Jan 2021
When nighttime is hit with a winters storm
And I realize I am not alone
When others run for the comfort of light
And I sit calmly and delight
Without the need of a candles warmth
The storm brings the difference
That makes me belong
Attaching me to the rest of the world
This storm we all share
As opposed to my private storm
The storm of my fathers snare
Chani Goldstein Jan 2021
People leave shadows
of themselves
where ever they go,
where ever they've been
in your life.
Sometimes
it's a bad presence
you have to clean.
Sometimes
it's a good presence
you want to keep.
The good is pleasant
to treasure
where ever you go.
The bad is a bad
you need to sever
so you can go.
For some people
there's a lot of
happiness
for others
a lot of grief,
even between children
of the same family.
What you had
they'll want to ignore
so don't go about
measuring yourself
by that penciled
height chart on the door.
Never measure yourself
in anyway
by them,
because
all those sisters or brothers
you had
never woke up
in your skin.
Chani Goldstein Jan 2021
How come a song can rock
But a person not?
How come a crib can rock
But a person not?
Parties rock
Cars rock
But a person should not
rock.
Do not shake.
Do not rock.
Do not shake and rock.
Do not shrock.
Do rocks rock?
Hey mam, this rock rocks.
Bread can be hard as a rock.
Is that a compliment?
No it is not.
I rock!!!
Rocks are strong!
Chani Goldstein Jan 2021
I'm scared
Nighttime falls
The day grows dim
Stars come out
The sun packs it all in
My nervousness rises
Anxiety too
I whisper out loud
"All because of you."
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