You're not yourself if you're not alone

"you've gotten bigger."
you say to me
as we eat at the same tree
that we have eaten at since grade 7.

"your hair looks horrible"
you say to me
as we get ready to go
to his party.

"your acne is coming back"
you say to me
as we get ready for prom
and our dates.

and one day
i skip lunch
and you ask why
and i shrug.

and one day
i curl my hair for the first time
and you as why
and i shrug.

and one day
i wear lots of make up
and you ask why
and i shrug.

but that night
i slit my wrist
and swallowed pills
instead of dressing up.

why you might ask?
because i'm horrendous
inapplicable
disgusting.

don't you remember
the days you reminded me?
well here you go.