fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself
so maybe that's why i
hide
your identity behind a cloud
of prestigious synonyms and
truthful lies because
i'm scared
of you and
scared for you
and if
i'm not scared then i don't feel
anything
at all (when your fingers are
wrapped around mine
or wrapped around my neck) because
i feel like i'm suffocating, your
skin
used to be on mine but now my
vocal cords have been
snapped, strained, broken,
so maybe your lips
are like electromagnets;
they took away my steel strength
when
you pulled them away;
like tectonic plates evoking
an earthquake in my core, in my mantel,
maybe i am a planet
but you made
me inhabitable;
my atmosphere poisonous,
i am impossible to breathe around yet
you
had the audacity
to sheepishly hold up a second hand
gas mask
and say someone else
will one day finish
project "love"
on a tiny planet
who's name
begins with m
and ends with e

this is the first time I've been able to write about you in a year, and hurts more with every character that I type.
you used to bring me joy and happiness, and now you bring me feelings of sorrow, pain, anxiety and depression. i'm still trying to figure out how that is possible, especially coming from you.
when we were still together, I used to lie awake at 4AM thinking about how much I love you, and how much it would hurt to lose you. i used to dream of owning a beautiful home on the lake with you, and every morning, I could roll over either way and see a beautiful sight.
on my left; a glistening lake
on my right; the love of my life
now, I lie awake at 2AM wondering what went wrong and how much I miss you. quite a transition, isn't it?

The comic convention
has cardboard cutouts of
all of the main characters of
Harry Potter.

Harry,
Ron,
Hermione,
etc.
All motionless in a river of people,
glossy but worn down,
bathed in cold white halogen.

And one by one,
the cosplayers—
the Harrys
Rons
Hermiones,
etc.

Have their pictures taken
with the cutouts,
one cardboard cutout cut out
and replaced with a real human being.

Being human, we
crave companionship,
fear solitude,
crave solitude,
fear companionship.

We try to avoid becoming cardboard
cutouts of ourselves, but sometimes
a retreat into inanimacy
is what the animus needs.

The cosplayers continue to shuffle forward in line
each waiting to pose for a selfie.  Each
politely smiling at the living Harry Potter characters around them,

but not striking up a conversation.

I was packing some snus
when I got up from a snooze
to put a ****
In a boiling vat of hotdog juice.

She was screaming and yelling
as I poured in the salt
and the cops busted my door
as my meal came to a halt.

I said "whats the rush?"
He said "***** hush"
As he sipped very angrily
at his watermelon slush.

I am black
yes very black
so they put me in the back
of their ****** cop van.

I went to jail again
For trying to cook a ****
in a boiling vat of hotdog juice
as I watched espn.

I got out of jail
Cause my drug money was bail
went back home
to see a fresh cooked **** in my garbage pail.

I was so happy
that I took a break to fappy
on my nice leather couch
while my girlfriend was napping.

Today was a good day.
Ice cube agreed.
I smoked all of my ****
and gave into my greed.

***** don't **** my vibe.

Rest in peace to all the brave gryffindors
The courageous ones with hearts that soar
Rest in peace to all the smart ravenclaws
You left this generation in intelligent awe
Rest in peace to all the clever slytherin
without you, many of us wouldn't grin
Rest in peace to all the kind hufflepuff
I know our journey was tough

Avada kedavra to the other sort
Crucio on voldermort
imperious on the non deluxe
Destroy all of the horcrux

Shortlived were the cohorts
That tried to defeat hogwarts

we thank you

Dear Harry,
There's so much I haven't told you yet,
my finger tips are shaking,
my words aren't working,
where should I even commence?

Dear Harry,
I remember each day, each moment with you,
do you too?
I reckon every second we spent together,
the way your shoulders are carved,
how my fingertips fit perfectly in every dent they curved.
how running my fingers through your auburn hair,
made me feel bare.
I counted your bruises, while you guided my fingers
I lay against your skin, it almost made me linger.
You held me in your arms, tight and secure
I knew you remember that, now I'm not sure.
I remember our calls, how could you?
you said 'she' didn't love you back,
I said that wasn't true.

Dear Harry,
It wasn't me, did I do something wrong?
I know she doesn't deserve you,
I thought while staying strong.
Why would you waste your last night with me,
if you didn't care?
I miss you uncontrollably, could you tell?

Harry, don't make me blush,
this never happens
you said you miss me several times,
Am I cold for the absence of replies?

Harry, stop saying these things,
are they even true?
You dressed up today,
was it for me too?

Harry, I'm sorry, I went there that night,
someone else kissed my lips,
they probably tasted your name ignite.

Harryyyy, I'm sooo sorrysy,
I'vee beenm dringking a lottt,
I tohld evheryobe abouszft youpsl,
and how I'd looooovie to kissss you,
I just couldn't stop.

Harry, you were here tonight.
I looked at you, couldn't you notice?
I stayed away from drinking,
I would have caused a ruckus.

Harry, you were the first one,
the first one to wish me a happy birthday,
thanks Harry, you're punctual and perfect.

Harry, I heard about her.
I hope you're happy.
I stayed up until six that day.
I dreamt of you again.

Harry, again I'm so sorry.
I hope you forgive me.
I was distracted today,
happy late birthday.

My beloved Harold, we would have met today.
Do you remember these things?
And how you taught me how to skate?
How my ears won't fit in head phones,
and when my OCD kicks in?
I'm sorry I'm cold, at least I seem to be.
Feelings are tough,
and my heart hides beneath.
You will never read this, so now I'll confess.
I love you Harold,
I do.
I swear.