isang hawak na di ginusto
nagsimula sa panghihipo
pag iisip mo'y kasing dumi
ng burak sa estero
nalilito natutuliro
magsasalita ba ako?
kapangyarihan mo'y inabuso
ginamit para bumango ang pangalan mo
para maitago mo ang halimaw na nagbigay ng lamat sa buhay ko.

Isang gabi! isang gabi lang!
nadurog ang pagkatao ko.
kinulong mo sa madilim na nakaraan tulad ng pagkulong mo  sa akin
sa madilim at maliit na kwartong iyon
mabilis ang pintig
naririnig bawat kabog ng dibdib
paralisa ang katawan
di makasigaw
tulong! tulong! mga salitang tila naipit
sa aking lalamunan.

halik na di ko ginusto
yakap na di ko hiniling sayo
mga hawak sa aking katawan
nandidiri ako sayo
seksuwal na panghahalay
di ko nararapat pagdaanan

lamat na di malilimutan
lamat na mananatiling parte ng nakaraan
di mo na ko maapektuhan
ang lamat na bigay mo
ang aapakan ko
ang magiging boses ko

para maparating ang mensaheng ito

walang sinuman ang dapat makaranas nito!
walang sinuman ang dapat mabuhay ng may takot mangyari ulit sa kanila ito.
walang babae ang mahahalay base sa kanilang pananamit, kilos o pananalita.

ang lamat na bigay mo,
andito man ito
pero di na ito hadlang
sa muling pag ahon ko.

Hey, is anyone there?
Some messiah to make everything fair..
Help! I need my colourful life back
Just give it even through a prism
Cause i still remember that black cataclysm
So young not even aware
Like a seed plucked without any care
My petite knowledge left him free
Kept doing it on an ungrown tree..
"For christ's sake stop it"
Oh god! make him detain
Cause i want to live my colourful life again
Please before it's too late
Crawling up, my suicidal fate...

Wait, hold on,
what'd you just say?
hold on a sec,
I don't think I heard you,
& anyway
can you repeat that again?
say,
AGAIN my "friend"?
saaaay what!?

You cannot be serious.
Not cool,
I got your "number "

Let me dig the wax out of my ears,
If I think I heard that correctly,
well,
perhaps you better tell
& retell
me just ...one ...more ...time,
paaaleeease, be real
are you.... for REAL?

Ummm no,
don't know how to break this to you
but ain't gonna happen,
maybe you just need to speak up,
am I,
going deaf?
Are you???
I need to write this **** down,
so I can,

BELIEVE it & then I can,
retrieve it,
Not OK, EVER,
Not gonna happen, not NEVER
& it shouldn't either,

If I wanted someone I would let 'em know
No it ain't no kinda striptease girly show
& boy you just gotta go,

My right hand has an really bad itch
& my left eye has a really bad twitch
it ain't I'm a fool
& I ain't no really bad *****
I could be if I'm forced
I could be a REALLY bad witch

Me, cast a spell?
Why I'll never, ever tell,
Hey what's that smell?
Your just ROTTEN
to the core I said I before
soon you'll be forgotten,

I might be right handed,
but the left one demanded,

& right here's a door,
but my left is unlucky
itching is just very, very sucky
no it isn't just ducky,
way way more than simply
ucky yucky
****

A sticky icky sitch,
Grandmother told me
watch the signs
as they will remind,
& I wish she could just hold me
&  if she could just scold me
I'm just very glad she told me
& told me,

You speak of being "professional"
& I most definitely am,
my field of work requires it,
so does life, love & everything valuable,
like poetry,

Except you're not laughing
I'm not either,
no, no, no, not funny
at ALL,
my name isn't "Charlita" either,
you musta gotta a lotta nerve,
boy, you
must got a huge set
of *****
act like a filthy bull
hung like a proverbial horse
( cuz I hear your not )
& of course, of course,
of course,
I hope you like 'em too,
cuz you're gonna maybe need 'em

Cuz' you have ZERO respect for women
for yourself or for others
sorry for how you were raised
musta been a real mother-******
an old used up empty angry trucker
well I ain't no foolish  sucker,

No excuses justify making someone actually fear your crazy & lazy ***,

I ain't no female dog,

I'm a daughter, a Mother
a lovely loving lover,
I gotta couple loving Brothers
I have cousins & a Son,
No I ain't the one,
I'm a Sister, a friend
on whom they all can always depend
and this here voice they will defend,
or give a hand one they gladly lend,
& be with me until the end,
a message of hope to all I send,

So don't look at me that a way
Why don't you hear the words I say
& say & say?
you are such a CREEP,
I don't know at night
I don't know how you ever, ever get good sleep,

A constant loser,
such wicked bad, bad verbal abuser
a drunken, drugged out
& broke-down, low-down,
get outta my town abuser,
in Brooklyn you'd even be worse,
a lowly hooser,
I ain't gonna be your lil' **** poetic muser
perhaps a ride, oh look right here,
here's a waiting empty cruiser,

Thank you dear sweet poet
& betcha didn't even know it,
cuz I didn't get to show it,
take this man right here,
yes him, take him my dear,
a bumpy ride ain't all you gotta fear,

He's the one in the foggy drunken stooper,
I really, really wish,
it was just a silly, silly blooper,
my rugged righteous local Trooper

Saving souls & the defenseless
his job is just so relentless,
imprisonment should not be for all,
so when they get a call
Notta emergency, maybe technically,
still, State Police
-how can I help you?

Especially where I am supposed to feel most comfortable & safe,

Shouldn't feel like your skin is crawling
you don't get to me
you can't,
I'm all done with all the bawling,
but respect & justice
are
for every
ONE of us,

You must love going back to jail
& you're going to have a good long tale
to tell in there so go ahead & share
I really couldn't care, at all
but,
I do,
I couldn't care much more about myself
or about right & wrong
or care any less about you,
what you SEE as fair?

My pen, is poetic justice,
there's a poison in my pen
you should be most terrified
whilst I'll be feelin really ' Zen

Poison darts might be all right for bad animals,
Or ones who just need to be put back into the wild
who act like a completely ignorant adult child,
but you know better than that,
Sometimes I might wanna
put it in a poison apple for someone,
like you,
but no,

I bleed & I bleed,
so go ahead  
& read, read & read
I'm not a tattle,
this is a just a truly poetic need,
just another weary battle,
with theives who believe,
& believe in their unending greed
their very, bad, bad misdeeds
ones we mustn't,
we mustn't trust just words
action SPEAK the

LOUDEST

The Thunder Rolls,

Just write, I hear
behind all the painful memories & fear
that frightened girl in a corner
Everything is heightened,
I tried, I tried to warn her,
like a beautiful storm
but never, ever did I scorn her,

As hearts skip,
hear my battle yip
here's a friendly lil' tip,

She tells how human leopards,
apparently,
don't change their stupid spots
better run she says,
a fire of hell it might be kinda hot,
& an appealing prospect you are most definitely, definitely not,

& Don't worry I'm keeping track
you can act sorta nice at times,
but respect is what you seriously lack
& I'm not taking your targeted attack,

Soooo yeah,
& guess what I got?
Take a stab, go ahead, just give it a shot,
patience she ain't the one I got,
my fired feet are feeling plenty hot,


Just take a wild guess
it ain't a wild hair across my ***,

You got as good a chance at guessing my answer
as understanding my personal boundaries

I have two things actually for you
1 is not a ****** "favor"
or "servicing"
the other is
a real BIG surprise?


ZERO tolerance.

Cherie Nolan

You don't know what it's like
To be violated
To be held against your will
And felt up
And leave bruises
By someone you trusted
By someone you thought cared about you

You don't know what it's like to be used just for your body
By someone you thought cared for more than just nudes
By someone who told you were cute and pretty

You don't know what it's like to tell the person who violated you
What they did to you
And how it made you feel

You don't know what it's like to receive a fake apology
One only to get you to shut up
But as you're telling him your point of view
And as he's pretending to apologize
You could just feel all the "I don't cares" and "will you shut up nows"

You don't know what its like to attempt to leave an uncomfortable situation
Only to be pulled back by the handle on your backpack
Unaware of what is going on
You thought you were leaving

You don't know what it's like to be held up against the body
Of a strong, tall male
Unable to push him away
Unable to squirm out of the situation

You don't know what it's like to be barely able to breathe
Because your face is pressed right up against his side

But of course you knew he was strong
He played hockey and baseball
But you didn't know he was that strong

You don't know what it's like to be violated by someone you thought you could trust, or thought they could protect you.

Let's not mention how you don't know what it's like
To be sitting in class, sharing your homework with another boy
Only to feel his hand on your leg

You don't know what it's like to sit in a room full of students
And have no one notice what is happening
And you've shot a look that says don't do it
Yet he takes that as a look to continue to go up further
Because he thought it would increase tension
But really he made your self-worth decrease

You don't know what it's like to have an unwanted hand go up your skirt
And you thought it was okay to wear a skirt that day
Just like you wore one every other day
Because the Kilt was part of your school uniform
But of course that made your visible legs vulnerable
And it's a good thing that someone else call for his attention
Because you wanted anything but his

And you don't know what it's like to make a scene
Or to tell someone
Because you're not sure if you parents will be more upset
About you talking to boys or that your got yourself into those situations

You don't know what it's like to stay silent
Because you don't want to make matters worse

But it's my body, why would someone think they have access to it?

Because you don't know what it's like to be sexually assaulted

A sudden remembering.
Flashbacks.
I was sick.
Tired.
It was raining.
I needed to rest
at least 15 minutes.
Sat at a table
in the food court.
Zoning out.
Then suddenly,
a memory...
of you sitting
in front of me
uninvited
unwanted.
Whispering words.
I remember the fear
and the annoyance
of feeling threatened
in a public place
without anyone
noticing.
It was always like this.
To the world you were
"Innocent"
Everything fine.
They knew you as jolly
Harmless
Fun.
They didn't hear
the malice,
they didn't taste
the venom
in all the words
you hissed
while smiling
at people
passing by
Pretending
everything's alright.
But it's not.
You were killing me
slowly
silently.
Harsh lashes
from your tongue,
vicious grips,
murmured threats.
They didn't see...
You were poisoning me.
Injecting fear,
Loneliness,
Rejection,
Insecurity
in my bloodstream.
Making me inhale
fumes of your
Judgment
and Hate.
Hiss...
like a snake.
You traitor!
You sneak!
They didn't hear.
They didn't see
what you did to me.
They couldn't
Wouldn't
ever
understand.
They didn't feel
your vice-like grips.
Didn't flinch
when you almost hit [me]
Didn't break
down
fall apart
when you called me
*****
*****
****.
Not good enough.

I TRUSTED YOU.
I trusted you
to love me.
You lied.
I died.

But watch me
Rise.