I wanted to spend forever with you.
I guess I didn’t realize how much
I already intertwined our forever
Into my life
Until I had to spend my nights alone
Trying to create a future
With the leftover pieces of my life
That Weren’t touched by you.

Someone once told me
where do I see myself in the next 10 years
and I told them
that I'll either become a billionaire
covered with riches and thousands of dollars
mesmerized by other ****** wealthy people
or
become a member of a random cult
mesmerized by a theory that a snob has put inside my head
and covered with a "good outcome " and "safety from the cruel society "

lately i have been feeling dread
it's like a hammer crushing my head
perhaps, i''m better off dead
my, my, when was the last time i felt glad?

perhaps i am ill, physically or mentally
or maybe i simply want to be freed
from the pressures of being 24
from the weariness of the future, unsure

maybe it's the drinking that's killing me
maybe it's the loneliness
the abject failure to comprehend
her beauty in that sundress

all those years ago,
or the advice my dad gave me
before i graduated college

life seems so absurd now
my friends feel so distant
and love makes me feel sorrow

time, hell of a thing.

I chased life

I chased dreams
I chased hopes

I chased pleasures
I chased desires
Across clear streams
And through bright forests

I lived for the future
I lived in the past
In that I denied the present

I lived on what I will be tomorrow
I lived on what I was yesterday
In that I rejected who I am today

I lived on what I will have
I lived on what I had

In all I forgot to be grateful
For all that I am

It never served me
But fed my ego
Fed my mind
Fed my emotions
Fed my insecurities
Fed my fears
Fed the notion I was not enough

I have been driven by others
I have been driven by life
I have been driven by everything around me

Now I choose to be
Driven by Theïkós
Now I choose to be
Guided by Illahi

Now I choose to allow
The soul to speak
Now I choose to allow
The soul to lead

I no longer want what they have

I no longer want to become what they are
I no longer want to become what I am not

I am no longer attached to my past
I am no longer attached to my future

I am no longer attached to the known
As I seek to find myself in the unknown

Their parameters
Are no longer my measure of success
Their labels
Are no longer my self-identity
Their conditions
No longer form my reality
Their successes
No longer dictate my purpose

Now
Infinite possibilities
Infinite opportunities
Infinite blessings
Open
I accept myself

Thank you for being here!
By NwK

How many more days to pass?
Days that has been infected
by the guilt ridden
heart of mine.

How many more fortnights to pass?
How many more teardrops to fall
and wrong words to strike
until the day i thrive?

How many more disappointed sighs
and displeased faces
until the blurry future
reveals itself?

How much time did i loose
drooping away,
dreading the consequences
of my failed deeds?

Vague lies that i told myself
to ease my conscience
coming back to me
to torment my dreams.

I pity the girl that ones
avidly awaited
a blissful time ahead
without actually earning it.

Muffled screams of my past
echoing from deep down
yearning to break free
from my rotten core.

A life all to myself
and people that care
still the person i turned out to be
is not the person i wanted to be.

All the aimless days
pushed forward
all for that one moment
that will reveal what i want.

But what if that day never comes?

Red rivers send shivers that leave me aquiver
In my bed- what I said would get to her head and
Bite marks grow dark as the greedy soul harks
On my words as the birds sing unheard.

It's morning, not mourning the time we had lost.
It's now dawn, the night's gone for that was the cost
That we paid, for love made it all worth the ending
Of day- for I say on the next we'll be fending.

The love is still there but the lust in the air
Is gone from this place as rest shows its face
And when we sleep past noon, the sun as our moon,
I'll pull her close tightly, cause I love her.
And I'll wait for you idly, my lover.