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Alexander Low Jun 2019
I am thirteen
    when the mean girls call
me weird—
I do not shave
I do not wear makeup.
I do wear basketball shorts
and messy ponytails.
I am pressured to be her—
Aria.
I shave relentlessly
    for the next two years.

I am fifteen
    full of discomfort
    and anger
breaking my bones like they
    are glass
reckless rage—
all reckless no brave
    depraved of a home
    inside my own skin.

I am fifteen when I
learn what gender dysphoria is.

I am fifteen when I
    realize I am a boy
that I always have and will be
    a boy.

I am fifteen—
putting holes in wall and
    overdosing on advil
like it is a sport
championing my own self demise.

I am fifteen afraid and closeted—
I write my name as
ALEX
on my school assignments
I always change it back
before I turn them in.  

I am fifteen
    convinced everyone loves the girl
I am not
    and will never love me as the boy
I actually am.

I am sixteen crying on the floor
    of a psych ward
    this is my fifth hospitalization
in fourteen months.
Pretending to be her is
killing me.
I choke back tears as I tell
my mom that I am
transgender.
She tells me she loves me,
    and she saw me writing
    ALEX on my papers.

It will take five years
for her to let her daughter go.

I am seventeen when I am shoved
    to the floor in a men's bathroom
    slammed and slurred across the tile—
It will not be until six months into
    Hormone Replacement Therapy
that I use the men's public restroom.
I am eighteen when my moms boyfriend of the
time pulls me aside
and tells me I am making a mistake.
He would wear his mothers dresses and heels,
    hiding in her closet
    all of this is to say
    this is a phase.
When people say that this is a phase—
    I am sixteen
    sobbing on linoleum floors
    covered in cuts
    wanting nothing more than death
    if I have to pretend to be her
    for more than one second longer.

I am nineteen hopeful
    and naive.
Voice cracking and hair sprouting
    I am coming into my own body.
    I have learned that there
    are things much worse than needles.

I am twenty out of the
    ashes of abuse and trauma
    I am finally becoming
    the man I have always been
    meant to be.
Kaiden A Ward May 2019
The deepest depths of our lungs
have been deprived of oxygen
for so long
that we cannot remember what is like
to breathe,
deeply and unhindered by
this binder
as the constriction threatens to
collapse the cavity of our chest.

Willingly, we trade our breath
for the exquisite, piercing pain
that we quickly come to associate with
peace of mind
and freedom
because it means the reflection of our silhouette
finally matches the physique our
dysphoria has been telling us
we should have had
our whole lives.

In time, this addiction festers and
we bind longer and more often as
our bodies grow weaker and
our minds more chaotic until,
despite the destruction,
we cannot bear to take them off
and face the truth
written in our curves.

The pain is at one with us now.
We endure, if only to be able to
run our hands longingly down
our flattened chests
as we wait, hoping that,
one day,
we will finally be able to learn
what it is like to
breathe again.
My first attempt to capture what it is like to bind and my personal experience and thoughts on binding. Everyone's story is different.
Casey May 2019
If I could be He,
I'd grin ear to ear.
I'd laugh with a new voice,
and sing with boisterous cheer.

If I could be He,
I'd dance the night away.
I'd twirl around a girl,
and ask her if she'd stay.

If I could be He,
I'd no longer have to bind.
I'd lay shirtless on the beach,
and leave bottled messages to find.

If I could be He,
which I might never be,
I'd be eternally happy.
And I'd finally be me.
This is a more simplistic way of writing that I don't really do that much but it's fun. I'm afraid that I'll be stuck as "she" my whole life and honestly, that's a terrifying thought. But I know that one day I'll finally be myself. One day. I'm holding out for that.
Casey May 2019
Sing a little song of rain,
to wash away the heartache.
To scrub clean your skin, clench your teeth and take the pain.
"Flush out your mind, it's all fake."

Sing a little song of sun,
to crush your chest into your ribs.
To change your name, lower your head and know that respect can't be won.
"No one will believe you, you're telling fibs."

Sing a little song of wind,
to ride the kites into the sky.
To hang on tight, 'cause this tempest tears silks and requires fears to be tinned.
"Everyone watching from below had waved their goodbye."

I can no longer sing the little songs from my jaws,
my throat is swollen and raw.
The rain has flooded my thoughts,
The sun is what I have become,
From the wind, to a better place I'll be brought.
Hang in there guys :)
CE Apr 2019
to live with a female body;
it would have been fine!
if only that body
happened to be mine
Quinn Apr 2019
The day I was born I was wrapped in a light pink prison
My mother kept me smothered in this shade as I grew up
A life of pigtails and dresses
Of baby dolls and princesses
But I knew it wasn't me.

As I grew up the makeup that stained my face
Burnt like acid
The dresses buried themselves under my skin
Until I wanted to peel myself out of it
Like a tormented butterfly.
The dolls' faces turned into demented demons
The princesses' turned into witches that haunted my nightmares.

The lumps on my chest that grew
Made me want to take a straight razor to them
Whenever I looked down in the shower
My tears would mix with the scalding hot water from the faucet
I wanted to throw up every time I saw my round face in the mirror.

I thought something was wrong with me
Something unnatural
Unhuman
But I'm transgender
I've learned there's nothing wrong with that
I'm human
I'm me
I'm Quinn
Flint Holcomb Apr 2019
A floral mat
Separates me from
The tile floor
I feel anxious despite the peace

The instructor speaks
My heart stops
Because I know
The chest binder can’t hold
Through another downward-facing dog
you shouldn’t really wear a binder when doing yoga but i would rather not exercise that do it without a binder
Flint Holcomb Apr 2019
Heaviness
The weight on my chest
Excessive flesh
A distinctive sign
Separating me
From the other men in the room
sebastian ky Apr 2019
Mamma’s boy
Im a momma’s boy
She calls me her baby girl though
I have two sisters
And im their brother
I was born a princess
And grew up a prince

Im a momma’s boy
She doesn’t understand though
Neither does my dad
They say im their baby girl
But im a momma’s boy

Im a momma’s boy
And momma knows
She calls me girl
And my sadness grows
But her hugs remind me that she cares
and I love her most
and so that is why im momma’s boy
oof tah
sebastian ky Mar 2019
She opens and closes her eyes
She smiles and says I’m fine.
Do you know that’s a lie?

When she cries she doesn’t tell you
You get mad at her for small stuff
and it breaks her heart through and through.

Did you notice her tears…? No?
She wants to tell you
But it kills her to make you worry
So she shuts up and pretends

……did you notice the mistakes………
……no well then let me fix them……

He opens and closes his eyes.
He smiles and says I’m fine.
Do you know that’s a lie?

When he cries he doesn’t tell you
You get mad at him for small stuff
and it breaks his heart through and through.

Did you notice his tears…? No?
he wants to tell you
But it kills him to make you worry
So he shuts up and pretends
                                         -chyanne (kyle) sligo
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