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AC 4d
i told you "good night, i love you".
yet
i am not sleeping.

i am listening to the stars sing a song

a note
for every time i have thought of your fair, blush-drunk skin and
sweet, tender soul
melting and mixing with mine at the brush of fabric and shoulders and loud laughter in a space too public.
but i don't care.
i don't think you do either.

it might take four shots of ***** to feel that way again.
but
i only need to see you smile
and i know next morning i'll have a lovestruck hangover
and be changed for the next week.

this is the reason why
we should never, ever get married.
unless
this is simply what no one ever told me about real, raw, love
that hits you like a train
the cargo is sugar
bleeding red roses
and now i don't have to buy twelve at the store for nineteen ninety-nine.
first autumn chill freezing my toes inside my shoes while i wait after knocking at your front door
(we're going to the nice restaurant downtown.)
waking up to a tornado warning at five AM and my first thought is if you're okay,
opening the kitchen windows to the smell of fresh rain and you're texting me pictures of the rainbow.

falling asleep at long last

and at long last dreaming of you.


the stars are singing a song
and in my dream, curled up close next to you

i am singing too.
for the one and only Levi S. i love you so much and pray for the wisdom as often as I can to love you the best I can, by the grace of God, for now
and for eternity
even if it means someday letting you go on earth, or hopefully maybe even spending a true eternity. Who knows? ❤
Nabila Yannis Jul 12
Under my fingers, you shiver
Your fever hasn't subsided

It's been long hours you've lain ill
I am blaming the arrow.
Blaming the war.
Blaming you.

But I have no heart to say all of these,
As I dip a cloth to wipe your skin..
And wish to God that you will be alright..

Your arms..
Tested and strong
Yet covered with scars and fresh wounds..

The further I trace over your skin,
The heavier my breath becomes

My handsome liege..
A weak sigh I never want to let out in your presence, escapes me..

I turned my eyes to our pavilion entrance,
The sun has yet to descend to horizon,
and still the golden ray drapes over us all.

The air is filled with every taste of agitation and suspicious wondering eyes..

Our men have not uttered any words
since they brought you back.
Nor dared to ask,
And I dared not to tell

"It wouldn't have happened had you listened,"
Another protest chimes in my mind

"My lady," a weary, coarse whisper I am familiar with

My heart drops,
My tears rushing its way out..

Relief washes over me.
11:51 07/11 '25
- from one lifetime.
AC Jul 12
blank pages are intimidating.

there, now it's got something in it.

and nothing, nothing feels so scary anymore.
On this beach where lies the memories, tangled in between the sea fairies’ wings and hidden between the algae.

I am sitting on a driftwood bench with the Sun

He told me, “i will hang for a while, you seemed lonely”

“Radiant,” the first thing i said to him.

“Thank you, many people seemed to say otherwise,” he replied.

and for a while i sat on a driftwood bench on this beach.
overlooking the black sand all over us, with equally black water on the beyond.

They seemed to be on my toes, my legs, my arms,

Because when wetness meet the rough, it’s just adhesive.

“You are one to live in denial, aren’t you? ,” i opened another conversation

“Well aren’t you too?,” a quick comeback.

He expected a laugh, he did a good job for a light joke there. Too soon. because what i said next was,

“Yea, it’s easier that way.”

He moved closer, offering warmth I’ve longed for.

“I’ve heard of you from my wife, you used to tell her stories. She looked after you even though you didn’t ask as you pestered her with the stories.”

I pulled my wet black hair to the back of my ears, and looked him in the eyes,

“yea, she heard you, she heard every story.”

The thunder hurling from afar, though gray clouds which once were hanging, started to drift apart.

“Never feel lonely. we’re here for you.”
07/04 25
Strolling
Sauntering
Down the tropical alley

Her eyes are soft, rounded
Hidden well behind her sharp thin shades
Her hair is black and bouncy
Framing her gentle chin
Those lips deep burgundy
In her cone, soft-serve, strawberry
Her tongue licks it over and over,
You wished it was you, secretly
Her dress is airy
Flowy and flowery
Smells like those daisies
Perfect for showcasing her beauty

She’s steady
She’s ready

She’ll make you fall if she may
And she’ll **** for a pay

And her eyes are on you
Behind those shades of blue
Her eyes are on you
In between those strands of hair, blown by the wind,
She will use that Girl Mini, her words will be the last thing you hear, as her muzzle touches your skin,

“Bonne nuit, mon rayon de soleil.”
03/23 2023
Countdown
It’s almost as sure as the apocalypse, or centennial planetary alignments, as old as time and as sure as the sun setting, its rising, it’s within the air, waiting. An ancient curse spelled on us ever since the dawn of the day, ever since our inceptions.

Yet this second, all of that doesn’t matter.
When my pink nail beds, shone under our dimmed, warm, bedroom light.
As my fingers races each others all over the warm surface,
the trails I left on you are beaming, you’re incandescent.
Almost looks like cracked earth’s surface with lava underneath.
The true you peeking through.

And when you sighed the deepest sigh,
I can almost hear primal bellow ripping through,
the hunger, the thirst, the longing, the glistening molten gold,
ready to drench and mold me into one of your statues,
and with your faintest lick from my collar bone to my left earlobe,
in between these sheets and my moan you whisper,
“Nothing is permanent, my baby.“

And I think it’s safe to say that I am about to burst
my bubble. As I burst under you, with my half-closed teary eyes, blurry,
And my longing mouth opened, looking for yours.
And you keep thrusting me even after, spasm-inducing ******,
like running through the rain and got drenched all over,
water is seeping in to my shirt, my undergarments, absorbed in to my pores.
Its coldness is almost deceiving, contradicting itself when warmth appears gradually.
Enveloping me. You’re my hypothermia.
The pain I embrace, the pain I wore with pride, the death I welcome.

Acknowledging our fate is the beauty, of cherishing what we have deeply.
The fear of losing each other is nothing, compared to our rendezvous,
we have endured it again and again, to even notice how hurtful a good-bye is.
I am left in smug, knowing that even though, your touches will forever perish soon,
I would still find you next time.

and as much as I wanted to curse our fate, thinking that we’re ******,
way too deep, the trench of Mariana depth,
the footprints we have left,
breaths we let out,
sounds we made,
dreams we dreamt,
words we've spoken and written down,
all through times,
are all true and I am here because of you.

my love, if forever we need to run from fate that seeks to claim,
and forever we have to endure until there’s not enough to maim,
then I don’t mind,
they better have a good aim.
28/01 – 04/04
2022
About a Muse,
South Tangerang, Banten
AC Jun 19
you, me
sunscreen lines
hot concrete
public pool
wasps clinging to hazy poles supporting scratched-up waterslides
that made us scream:
both the slides
and the wasps
but we always laughed it off
in the end.

when we sit down the sunset will follow.
i hope we do it all over again, tomorrow...
pretzel cup cheese-induced teenage chlorine dreams
the summer i turned fifteen
i thought you
i thought we
were everything
going to the pool today.
Ben Jun 12
Awful things happen
And we are flayed open
Left to bleed dry on the hook of time
But how wonderful
To watch honey bees waltz
From clover flower to clover flower
As we are left to mine an ounce of happiness
From the fetid vein of misery
Calvin Graves May 30
I’ve stood at the edge
of so many beginnings—
just close enough to taste them,
never close enough to stay.
The door always slightly ajar,
never open.
I want to be more than a shadow of almost.

People call me potential,
but never presence.
A promise, not a person.
Their faith feels like fog—
thin and disappearing
the moment I reach for it.
I want to be more than a shadow of almost.

I speak like I know who I am,
but the echo doesn’t agree.
My words crumble in my mouth
before they ever build meaning.
Even my hope sounds rehearsed.
I want to be more than a shadow of almost.

I dream in color,
but live in grayscale.
My hands stretch forward
but always fall short—
of the vision,
of the version
of me I thought I’d be by now.
I want to be more than a shadow of almost.

So I write.
I bleed ink and silence
trying to draw a shape
that feels like truth.
And maybe one day,
I’ll look back
and see I was becoming all along.
I want to be more than a shadow of almost.
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