those empty spaces between my fingers
never felt so empty
as they did the moment
your fingers left them

to have held your hand was heaven
to have held mine was so pleasant

I’ve never wanted to get a grip
until now that I’ve tasted
the grip of your hand
and I gripped it back

the urge to play with your fingers
rub your palm with my thumb
and caress the top part of your hand
I’ve lived so long without having it done

I just want to bury my face in your neck
Breathe you in
Breathe me out
They're like little speed bumps
Crawling
Sprawled across my body
Slow down
Slow
Slow
No
Stop
Stop
Running your fingers over them
Like they're beautiful
Like I'm beautiful
Elsewhere they're like large print Braille
I'm in love with such painful reminders
Not pain
But the memories
I have a hard time remembe...

Someday you'll see every inch of me
And you'll read between every line
And I will be so ashamed.

You will never know the hatred and the anger behind the ripples you will ever so carelessly run your hands over

I feel a FILTH in my bones.

Oh, my mind,
Be but a flicker of sanity
Leave me be
Leave. Me. Be.

1/5/14

We sat in your car that night
Til three in the morning
And I remember how soft your
Hair between my fingers was
And how your head in my lap
Felt so perfect as we gazed at the stars.

We spoke softly even though
No one was around to hear.
Your voice is always comforting.
And it's funny in a sad sort of way
How I know you don't want me
As badly as I want you

I like you.
like a whole bunch.
I like the way your fingers tap incessantly and the way your voice carries leagues across the blacktop and the way your lips curl up in that goofy smile.
but your heart is not mine and I don't need it I just want your hand to hold mine.
I just want to be yours.