I'm not going to tell all my friends I'm suicidal
and I'm not going to send three texts to every contact I have every day

I don't need to make plans with them
I'm fine with the socialization I get from school

I'm not suicidal because of things at school
my problems stem from home

Dad is almost never home
just because his job makes him have to work far away doesn't mean he can't call

Meena needs to get off my ***
every single tiny ******* thing she feels the need to point out
and not to mention the fat shaming

And just because Lali has ADHD doesn't mean she can be a *****
she can't tell me nobody likes me and I have no friends because she's angry
I'm no psychologist
but I don't think ADHD works like that

And you need to get off my *** when it comes to grades
I made it into the school musical
I have a pretty big role
And band
I might ask for a solo
but you wouldn't care about my intrests would you
no... all it is is school, school, school, and grades with you

and maybe
yeah
most of my friends from my favorite friend group are going through a tough time
but you know what
I get more support there
than I do at home

so no
I'm not lonely
i'm... neglected, I guess

I am useless,
Clueless,
Naive
And foolish.

I am a child
Of chance.
A night of romance.

I am an early-morning
Call,
A surprise to all,

Aren't I, mother?

One that can use no tool.
A waste to the teacher,
Within a school.

Aren't I, father?

A child
'Out of control'.
Seemingly 'too old'
To be consoled.

But alas,
You wish for connection.
How should I know of it?

I am prone to rejection.

Subjection,
To your own mistake.
A choice you made.

The icing on the cake.

But now I am far
Away from your pain.
For I live in worth,

As you live in shame.

The road is long,
But I run
Faster than the sun.

I leave a note
On my bed.
Minds fill with dread,
Questions asked;

'Is she dead?'.

No mommy,
But I do not wish
To come home.

I feel too alone.

The road is long,
But I run
In the blink of an eye.

But where does it lead?
To peace?
Shall I run back
And cease?

No.
I shall run more,
Leave the others to scorn,

So mommy knows
My heart is torn.

But now
The road comes to end.
Sirens,
They fill my head.

They run with me.
Those men.
Chasing me
For fun and glee.

But they finally catch up,
They sound much louder.

For I see mommy,
Looking quite sour.

She brought me home
Near the morning hour.

I lie in a daze,
My mind is a haze.
I wake up in bed,
With the sound of rain.

But today's the day
I do it again.

Just because
We are bound by blood,
Does not mean
We breed the same love.

We do not share
The same view,
Or see eye-to-eye.
You ponder in confusion,
Always wondering why.

Allow me to explain
These words of pain.

We do not
Share a connection,
We are not bound by the heart.

We are torn and broken,
Millions of miles apart.

We are fluent in fighting,
Storms and lightning,
Arising,
As we crash and burn.

And we turn.

Face the opposite direction,
Lost connection,
As we accept the truth.

Mother,
Bloodline is bound,
But I
Am far from you.

How do we clash
so harsh
and yet sparse
but it lasts
anger blush
as we laugh

You were the first man to leave,
Sometimes I feel anger and confusion,
Knowing you had far more important things to do than to stay for the birth of your daughter.
You came around again, spent time with me, but you acted like I was a burden so you left again. You have a habit of leaving and this 9 year old little girl didn’t know why, all she wanted was her Daddy, someone that’s supposed to protect and love her.
Yeah, you had your issues and another mans family is paying the price for that, but now you’re paying the price for it all.
You’ve become a better man, keeping in touch, but often I ask myself if you’re just bored or lonely or when you get out, are you going to run back to your old ways or are you running back to your daughter, only you know that, but I’ll always love you.