Every feel like you're stuck but it doesn't seem like you're in a rut
like you're comfortable but your head constantly zones out
it's weird trying to describe what occurs in my mind

I can be absentminded but I tend to find it's where my favorite writings come from, when my head is in that liquid void so stock up on daydreams like a loaded gun

Head games from a dead brain
It's sole goal, it seems, is to drive itself insane
My memory gets fuzzy
And when I get nervous or forget something my nerves get all buzzy

Head games that I'm losing against myself
You'd think I'd ***** myself to science to achieve wealth
But if a frontal lobe can't be relied on, then can a medical professional?
It ***** because though I try to work around my own problems, my brain puts the bullet in my legs

I went into work today,

straight away this boy wanted to play,

it brought a smile to my face,

I had only just walked into the place.

You need to get dressed first young man,

then we can make a plan.

So I helped him take a shower,

it only took us an hour.

He put on his favourite top,

and down the corridor he hopped.

Next thing he was lying on the floor,

he wasn't having fun any more.

I went and spoke to him to keep him carm,

I told him to tell it to go away, then it couldn't do him no harm.

his eyes finally focused on me,

and a little smile I could see.

Come on champ you wanted to play,

we can't do that if here we stay.

so he got to his feet,

whilst I thought of something as a treat.

how about we make a den?

then your can invite in your friends.

can we stay in for a snack?

I'm sure I can make some lunch packs.

We were just finishing the finally touch,

but today we weren't having much luck.

My little friend started to shake,

it made my heart ache.

This time it went on abit long,

and all his energy was gone.

so I helped him to bed

and got someone to give him some meds.

Just laying there so still,

I hated to see him so ill.

but a few hours later on

he was sitting up, singing a song.

I hated that I had to go home,

but I knew he wouldn't be alone.

just before I left,

this is what he said,

I'm sorry we didn't get to finish the game,

my illness is such a pain.

maybe another day,

longer ill be able to play.

This boy is amazing you see,

I don't thing I could be so strong if it happened to me.

He seizures are every day,

but not once have I heard him say.

That he isn't happy,

or that he's feeling ******,

he lives life to the full,

and gives everything he does he's all.

I'm scared to go to sleep,

incase tonight my end I meet.

Why is it always just before bed,

that things start happening in my head?

I can feel it coming,

my head starts humming,

but it never gives me time,

to call out or give a sign.

if I'm lucky and someone is there,

I feel happier because I know they care.

you see, I can still hear everything that is said,

even though other things are going on in my head.

I wish they would find a cure,

then I wouldn't have to worry any more.

Then I could go out and play,

knowing I would be seizure free everyday.

Is this what depression feels like?
Is depression something you can feel like
or is it just       as is?
I'm not hungry and I'm always tired
and I can't pinpoint it.
Everything is barreling down on top of me
and I can't surface for a even minute of air.
I quit my job.
Drowning and collapsing
I feel like the world around me is getting smaller
and I only have
so much time to do so many things
but I can't      there's nothing
and yet           there's everything all at once.
Help me.
Guide me.
Show me the light
so I can run towards it      full speed
and never return.

oh hey.. I'm sorry.
did I forget myself again?
**** my brain, letting me down again
All the synapses and nerve endings
bending at the slightest form of stress
I guess what my own mind can do to me
is unfortunately crazy to even myself
it's uncompromising, uncontrollable,
it's a constant demon on my back
I don't hear the voices up there
but I swear my brain can be
my own worst enemy

my heart isn't too helpful either
getting attracted and attached to people who wouldn't think twice about spraying me in the eye with either
it's seems like my mind don't have logic
or better yet it's a disorder that's neurologic