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Sydney Dec 2020
You were a cancer
Unknown
Slowly breaking me down from the inside out
Leaving me much more damaged than imagined

I’m sorry
I won’t do it again
I was wrong
You were right
I will be better
I can be better
The only sentences that were allowed in my vocabulary

As we know, cancer has long lasting effects
And here I am
Still shrinking when I feel like I’ve done something wrong
Preparing myself for hurtful words when I feel like I’ve disappointed someone.

You were a cancer
Unknown
Until you found another to break
Sydney Dec 2020
She was full of life with a hunger for adventure.

Everyday she traveled to the ends of the earth to bring you back all of the happiness that you needed to sooth your racing soul.

But no matter how treacherous the journey, she always persisted, she would never let you down.

But as each day passed, each journey got harder and each time she returned, more exhausted than before and the happiness and joy that she wanted to share with you was never good enough - no matter how hard she tried.

Each song that she showed you, you said wasn’t your taste

Each accomplishment she was proud of, you were less than impressed

Each smile was never quite bright enough

Stomach not flat enough, hair not soft enough, kisses not sweet enough, each blink not quick enough, each breath not shallow enough.

Her mind was never sharp enough to keep up with your greatness.

Because you were royalty, the ruler or all, controller of time. But that is only how you saw yourself. The rest saw you as a crazed puppeteer trying to control the uncontrollable.

Which is quite the feat,
but you cracked the code.

Tell me,
How do you control the uncontrollable?

You break what isn’t meant to be broken until the point of being unfixable. But you fix them and break them like a record on repeat.

Showing them that you are the only one who can fix it, but like god you can take it away

So the girls who dreamt about falling in love walk on eggshells each day as to not **** it up.

To spare themselves from the verbal berating of
“i’m the only one who will ever care”
and the
“no one will ever love you like i do”
and the best of them all
“no matter how hard you try, you are and will never be good enough.”

When a lie is told too many times you believe it to be true.

Forever the ball and chain on the ankle keeping them grounded when the winds of someone new would come by.

Because who wants a girl who is damaged?

The instructions are shredded and in a language I don’t understand.

People come and they go, fixing and tweaking, leaving and taking parts along the way.

Forever a mismatch, an unmatched sock that you just throw out.

But someone, somewhere will help her understand her unreadable instructions
Larissa Frost Dec 2020
Bring out the sage
Pour on the bleach
I’m cleansing my soul
And cleaning my feet
Brushing my tongue
To rid the taste
Of your lies
Stuffing pockets
With the sound
of my cries
Rearrange my life
Clean out my purse
All because of
Your candy cane
Curse.

               -L. Frost
Renae Dec 2020
Remember me?
It wasn't that long ago, was it?
I was so carefree
I would shine like sunlight
staight through the trees
Dance like a rainbow across
the sky
No fear of, "who am I"
I could be anything
No fences hold me
I will travel the world
I will sing from balconies
I will tackle any mountain
I will swim the 7 seas
I am not gone
I remember me.
Larissa Frost Nov 2020
Set the boundaries
Ease the pain
Life will go
Much better they say
Easier said than
Put into place
Cause when I did
His hands rose to
My face.

                    -L.Frost

“They” have never lived
        with a narcissist.
Larissa Frost Nov 2020
You lured me in
With your compliments
And trapped me with
your lies
I could never please you
No matter how I tried
The day we tied
The knot to hell
I saw the evil twist
And some years later
I ran
To escape
Your
      Fist.

                       -L.Frost
el Oct 2020
are you
going to
apologise
for yelling at me
for  no given reason
or
am i just
to suppress the
tears and
are we to
act as if nothing happened?
am i supposed to be
okay?
(C) Elissar Mustapha
31.10.2020
Moonbeam Aug 2020
I was never special, I meant nothing to you
That became clear when you searched for someone new
I gave you my heart and you just took a peek
Pretending you loved me was so ******* weak
You hated how I could read your actions— that I saw through
All the lies and your energy and everything you do
You couldn’t hide, even though you tried
Your ****** behavior, I wouldn’t let slide
You’d gaslight me, and I’d question my perspective
Then I realized I was the only one being reflective
I’ve been here before and I see you’re a narc
I know your games, you can’t hide in the dark
You love bomb in the beginning then you take it away
Everything is a lie, I can’t believe what you say
I thought you were special—someone real
I didn’t realize how well you could fake the way you feel
I fell for it again, when will I ******* learn?
I can’t just give away my heart, it’s something to earn
Pyrrha Jul 2020
Mental and emotional wounds are invisible, but a wound is still felt by those they inflict
Just like a tiny cut, you still feel the pain even if you can't see it
Just like the cancer beneath your flesh and in your brain, it still eats away at you

These are wounds that don't heal or go away if you apply pressure or put a bandaid over
There is no stitch that can put your broken heart and wounded mind back together
You walk with this pain
Feel it in every step and passing look

The goosebumps on your arms
The trembling of your hands
The darkness behind your eyes
The apathy in your voice
You can't see the wound, but sometimes you can see the symtoms

You can't feel the pain another feels
You can't see it but that doesn't mean it isn't there
You can't see a cough or a virus as it courses its way through your body
But that doesn't mean they aren't real

We carry these invisible scars with us
And they never truly go away or fade
Empire Jul 2020
I want to keep you secret
Because when you’re secret,
You’re still mine
And my thoughts are my own
My feelings are real
I’m free
As long as I keep you to myself
As long as you’re secret

As soon as they know
Their opinions will fill my head
A thick, slow fog in my mind
I won’t be able to trust myself
I know they can convince me of anything
They’ll fill my head with themselves
And there won’t be room for me anymore
No room for us
Once again I’ll be a puppet
They’ll pull at all my strings
Because that’s what they do

I want them in my life
But I also want to be in my life

So for a little longer
You’ll remain my secret
Just until I catch my breath
And am ready to fight my mind
I am 20 years old and finally am about to be dating someone. I need to tell my parents at some point especially if I want him to come over, but I don’t trust myself when they’re involved. I just want him to be mine a little longer before they get in my head. I want to make these decisions myself.
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