i let him read my poetry
as he flipped through the pages,
i hoped
he wouldn't recognize
the ones i wrote about him

there was a boy
who was nothing but ink
he would speak
and words would

f
            a
l
            l

out from his mouth
words that nobody wanted to hear
because he said too much
people don't want to know him
anymore

wake up
dread life
get out of bed
dread life
try to (and fail to) eat breakfast
dread life
go to school
dread life
try to eat lunch (and fail, obviously)
dread life
school play rehearsals
dread life
dance and sing on the sides
dread life
enjoy your unimportant role
dread life
mess up your lines
dread life
go home
dread life
argue with parents
dread life
tell them i don't want to go to a hospital
dread life
go cry
dread life
do homework
dread life
eat a couple bites of dinner
dread life
and go to bed
dread life
and repeat it all over again
the very next day.

i hold my skin down
and scrape deep
i muffle my screams
into the pillow on which i sleep

the blood beads up
in an orderly line
then starts to drip
this will be the last time...

you remind me of so many things
fresh rain on gravel
flowers in the summer and spring
the stars at dawn
happiness
joy
love
because
they were all
gone too soon.
i miss you
i miss you so much

giving up on this life, eating less food i'm going on strike. i hold the knife, i want to take my life. the cuts on my wrists don't hurt no more, but they start to when my mom opens the door. i **** in my stomach so that nobody sees, leave me alone, please. my heart has stopped pumping, stopped thumping, blood is clumping and i can't do this anymore. losing hope, i don't want to cope, wash my mouth with soap because i told you way too much. my teeth are rotting, my vision is spotting, no bunny is hopping and the world just isn't the same anymore. i don't trust you after you pushed me to the floor. but every single time, i come begging, begging for more, knocking on your door, asking your mom if you can play. i'm no longer welcome with my friends, i can't seem to follow the trends. i'm giving up, tbh.

You don’t know what it's like
To try
And try
And try
With no results

You don’t know what it's like
To cry
And cry
And cry
Tears full of salt

You don’t know what it's like
To die
And die
And die
Every second you're alive

You don’t know what it's like
To lie
And lie
And lie
But nothing
Will ever
Ever
Ever
Get better.

"she said she was too busy"
she hates you. you should just back off.
"he said he doesn't have that many friends"
he wants you to be a better friend, you aren't there for him.
"they are tired"
i shouldn't have texted them that late, they probably hate me now and want me to leave-
"stop.
this isn't real
my brain is making **** up."
but what if i'm not...?
"oh..."