I sit on the bed
with my dog sleeping near
Her breathing uneven
then soft and sincere

Then scruffy and staggered  
and rough in her throat
Then even and smooth
a whisper calm note

Tiny little grunts
in rapid succession
A toss and a turn
punctuate each expression

Of what does she dream
my dear little Twister
Romps in the park
with her golden haired sister?

Sensing things we can't see
And the things we won't hear
And loving us despite
all our faults and our fear


How much do I love her?
well that’s quite hard to say
But I'm quite terrified
of her going away

Where else can you find love
that lives just for you
Panting and happy
when you come into view?

When they speak of devotion
it’s of this that gods speak
That gloried validation
we desperately seek

And she’s here everyday
rain, sleet or snow
In unspoken commitment
to go where I go

How unworthy am I
of this ritual caring
That greets me with glee
just for appearing

So much love for so little
does not seem quite fair
But she gives me her all
without bother or care

Oh doggie dearest doggie
promise we'll play forever
For we’re bound by a love
that no god can sever.

Pain. The pain I feel in my chest is blinding. The hurt I feel knowing that I’ll never get to see you again. The sadness that creeps up and down my body like waves in the ocean. The flashing of memories and moments I wish I could revisit. When I first held you in my lap, to chasing you across the yard. I wish you were here. Please come back. My Abby girl. You were my best friend. I took care of you, treated you like the princess you were. The pain in my chest will never lessen. My family can move but I can’t. They didn’t know you like I did. I knew your time was coming. I knew. But for some reason, I couldn’t accept it. I was in denial. You couldn't leave me. What hurts me the most is that I couldn’t say goodbye to you in person. I couldn’t tell you how much of a good girl you were. I hope that you're happy where you are. I hope that you’re not in pain and I hope that maybe someday, I’ll see you again.

The loss of friend
Is overbearing,
Is
Overwhelming
The loss of my dog-
is...
just the same.
Knowing death,
And accepting death;
Are annoyingly,
Two very different
And hard things to do.
The loss of a life is...
astonishing
To say the least.
To say the most-
I'd have to accept death,
And I still can't accept the fact my dog is gone
Fear is a dangerous thing.
But it motivates like hell
Just
Sometimes
Not quick enough to make a difference.
There's nothing I can tell myself.
No poem I could write.
No philosophical answer.
To make this better than it is.
This is about as bad as it gets.
We'll see if I make it out.
If I WANT to make it out.