Breathing out a cotton candy cloud,
Vaping to slowly **** myself.
It's subtle,
Plus I always smell good.
Sliding my thumb across my blade to bring a bit of sharpness back to this dull dull life.
Chewing my lips until they're bruised and bleeding.
Laying back in the tub as the water slowly slowly slowly covers my face.
Sitting up gasping for breath.
I know I'm bi.
My dad will **** me when he finds out his baby girls kissed another girl.
Oh well.
Laying in the snow until my senses burn,
Clarity.
Staying up all night just to make myself feel alive.
Spiraling spiraling spiraling.
Out of control.

I hope one day it’s just a memory and not an activity.

In my veins, my blood runs free, but it's secretly still trapped inside me.

Inside my veins,I can feel it boil,silently screaming to be saved, to breath  fresh air in a different way.

A simple razor will make it.

The adrenaline I feel replaces all the bad.

It makes it all,in a twisted way, good for a minute.

The blood keeps on coming.

My hearts pounds against my chest, constantly afraid of being caught.

It feels like a drug.

A drug that lasts short periods of time, but is satisfying.

You think yourself to death,
and your soul does not rest in the long nigth ahead of you.
Every single mistake you made seems to be heavier than expected. They seem to have a life of their own, two arms and two legs. They wear your face and tell you how to be nice, judging every step you take.

You hurt yourself until the sight of blood breaks the spell. You scratch your skin until you're back to being yourself, leaving the home you built for when the storm punches back, alone.

You burn yourself in lack of air. The heavy smell of burning flash is your worst nightmare, but you cannot control your mind, so you have to hold on to what's real and pray for redemption.

Days pass without mercy. Self harming becomes your way to survive through the week, since you start feeling numb.  You start getting getting used to the smell,the broken walls that sorround you, the alternative universe you're living in.

At some point. everything becomes amazingly clear, however, when you see the sunlight for the first time after days, weeks or months of pure darkness, the sun sets and you go back to being the strange person you know the most...

Surrounded by people
yet nobody cares.
Voices thundering
but no one's there.

Do this, do that,
conform to our views.
Bow down, submit,
it's ok to be used.

Drink your liquor
try to run from the pain
Make it worse
and drown in the rain.

Ignite your bud,
mind light and floating.
Indulge in sweets,
ignore the bloating.

Slice your skin,
unveil the mask.
Enjoy relief
which never lasts.

A scarlet flower on his wrist,
His vision starts to cloud with mist,
He's slipping down the cold, wet floor,
No strength to hold him up no more;

he smiles even through the pain,
The shower turned on, dripping like rain,
Nothing left to keep him sane,
His blood spreading as a scarlet stain;

He dimly hears his favorite song,
The desire to live not anymore so strong,
He wants to disappear and fade,
Like a blossom in a glade;

The pain's slowly leaving him,
Nothing left but a shell on the floor,
His soul reaches out toward the bright light,
He's finally happy, happy in flight