Maybe in all my attempts to get ahold of you
I'll finally get ahold of myself

in a world of blue and purple, I bled for the shade of red
in a world of blue and purple, I made everything black
what I touch dies, and my love always lacks
amber was the fire of your heart, and gray was my vision
hurt was what I inflicted in it, I learned from the bests so I had precision
your fire burned out when my lies kicked in
my vision cleared only when your eyes died within
pale was the color of my skin but warmer with your kiss
rose were my lips but cold my half truths, I brought shame into this
drinks in the glasses, but everything else was spilled
flowers bloomed, and flowers were killed
spring was the dawn, but I made leaves fall down

spring was the dawn, but fall was the season
I was the reason I was the reason
frost was the color, and what came after the storm
cold was the outside, but your hands used to make it warm

mauve was the world before I even drowned in my crimson blood sea
teal was my heart just like the skies before I made your sun sink

in a world of blue and purple, you made everything heal
in a world of blue and purple, you bled for my sake
your touch nourished, while all I did caused heartache
you made it four seasons while I was stuck in one
fall was the season, but spring was the dawn
lilac was the sunset before indigo bled into the day
night was moonless, and stars kept fading away
scarlet was the fire I set in your heart
ashes, what was left, and smokes clouded a new start
tears flowed in, and salt streams burned all the roots
died all the emerald lands, we had to call truce
spring was the dawn, rain pouring down

spring was the dawn, but fall the season
I was the reason I was the reason
drought was what came after the sapphire seas dried
cracked were my lips, after your ruby flames died

violet was the world before I even drained myself of my carmine blood
teal was my heart just like the seas that used to flood.

Sighing memories washing over me in the flow of a deep
blue sea, — my skin glimmers with the love of the sun, but its
affection is too overwhelming; my tears cascade, transforming every
ground beneath my feet, into an ocean the moment I step outside.

Please don’t crash into me as if I were an unguarded entrance –
the outside world hammered at the door of my heart, demanding to
be let in by any open conversation — but it takes more time for me
to open up.

Those open scars, raw and untended, are like emotional
whirlpools, dragging me down into the abyss of pain and sorrow.

blue in purple is the sadness of hurt
the bruises on our soul we can not avert
red in purple is the beauty of hearts
the love it takes to tear it apart
purple resided in us all
the walls we built swallowed us whole
loneliness became an old friend to embrace
the love we were given to spread was erased

the blank canvas of your heart was rainbow
blinded by your wounds, black is all you know
you were rainbow and I was blue
bled into every shade of you
seven colors, I ruined them all
you were perfectly fine behind your high walls
I had to go and climb to the top
reach for you, and now I can't stop

I just wanted to hold your hands and sink in your kiss
but your heart keeps me out when you reminisce
deeper into the grave we go as the day passes by
the past only stops bothering you when you're ready to say goodbye
"Your rock-bottom is when you decide to stop digging."
a life without your heartbeat is barely living
you keep showing me a life without you by my side
tell me you hate me, don't keep saying your hands are tied

sailors don't complain when seas are raging with storms
you got to love roses with their thorns
I'd tell you I love you if I knew you'd say it back
but I know that my world would turn back to black
so I'll keep being every shade of blue in your sky
every circle that the world makes, I'll be passing by
just open your eyes to see all the hues
live happily, I'll be your blue's

when I look at you, I know I'll never be yours
we're happy not together, so I have no remorse
a piece of my heart will always beat for your smile
everything hurts, but you make it worthwhile
loving me has always been hard, you're not to blame
there's no need to dwell in past, look at future's frame
fates failed me yet again, our stars didn't align
but to see you beam, that's my eternal sunshine.

I've been to the crushing
place.
It smells of death, and
spider mums.
Daisy chains dropped
when the music died.
The lake is murky now.
Clowns roam the street,
looking for carnivals
and meat.
Silly boys still believe
in love and dreams, and
girls that like opera and
giving head.
This world is strange, and
Picasso walks the lonely
avenues, feeding
seagulls' peanuts and paint.
No one blames him.
It's his blue period.
All the while,
an old bent man plays
the guitar.
He smells like camels,
and hope.

it was either during middle school or junior high school
honestly, I can't remember
my English teacher told us to write a poem
didn't matter if it was long as a railroad station
or short as a pathway shortcut
"Just write" she said
she gives me a piece of paper and pencil
and told me a few examples that I can use for my first poem
but one example sparked my interest
"You can write about your favorite color" she said
so, with that in mind I start to begin writing
I wrote about the color blue
and things that have that color in it:
the sky
ocean waves
blueberry muffins
blue jays
sadness and sorrow
depression and numbness
the pain of being found guilty
the feeling of emptiness
being left alone
and showing signs of loneliness

I went on and on until my fragile hand started to cramp
but when I reached the end of my poem
I realized something very peculiar
blue wasn't my favorite color
yet I had presented blue in a way far more than just a “primary” color
When I submitted it to my teacher
she said that she loved it and gave me a good grade
later, when I got my paper back
I reread it a few times
crumbled it up to a ball
and chucked it into the nearest trash can
hoping that no one would find it

I do not hate growing older
I hate the failure's reminder
Turning into another number
No achievements to remember
My twenties are almost over
My childhood still need closure