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We need to stop for a moment
and take a breath to be able
to return to what we hoped for.

Like remembering childhood
and the ways we learn to grow into adults
even though we never really understand anything that we have been through;
playing football in the field next to the house after school,
or rent a game console set for a weekend night,
or spend the next day watching television cartoons.

Let's remember what memory has given us for the good things in the past
that we may now think of as something we can't get back.

It's true, that never happens again, even if we try,
but the feeling is no longer the same as childhood being put on things
that should now earn an adult title.

Let's laugh in silence at all the fond memories of childhood,
even though now voices of the pain of waking up are trying to come in and dominate.

Let's reminisce,
and lose ourselves
in the hope of the present.
Indonesia, 10th January 2022
Arif Aditya Abyan Nugroho
Odd Odyssey Poet Jan 2022
Show up after work;
with your lips still a ******-
  to my morning kiss.
Walking around the house naked,
  until on the bed,
and clutching your fists.
I never knew the taste of water;
only of your inner's taste
    stuck on my lips.

Run the bath water;
and those sweet bubbles I love.
The sensitive first lick;
    before the bite-
  might cause you to bark.
Tracing with your finger's previous
  territories; your nails once marked.
Not racing myself into you,
  but there's still the thrill of a rush.

Like sweet honey-
dripping down the comb,
that first drop on my tongue;
twists my insides like a door ****.

The taste of you...when you ***,
as I, go down town.
mari Dec 2021
if I sing you Russian melodies
will you cease your hypnotizing?
Mario, oh, my Mario!
you never wanted a real girl,
did you? you see --
you fell in love with a daydream,
but you know I'm not that smart
can't seem to remember my lines
and now my mask is cracking
-- don't look! you'll see me for
exactly who I am, exactly who I'm not
all the imperfections I hid so carefully
for you are spilling out just like my guts
every time you twist the knife with
another lie, another blunt
you scrambled my brains so sweetly!
picked them apart 'til they were yours
well, darling, did I live up to your fantasy?
did things play out the way you'd hoped?
was your muse perfect or did she drop the ball?
I seem to have lost my grip as of late
but admittedly, I'm the only one laughing
you seem bored, shall I entertain?
my jester hat's a little dusty,
my ******* a little rusty
but I can plaster on a smile and dance for you
if that's what your heart is after
and when you're done, I'll dote on you
quietly; I won't get in your way!
after all, you only like the girls who will behave
maybe if I'd worshipped you blindly,
not fought for control of myself
or let my pride block out the brainwashing
we could be happy together forever
but I'm not as bright as you and my heart
just isn't as pure! why am I in school
when I could be barefoot and pregnant for you?
the only gift I have is between my legs,
isn't that what you said in a fit of jealousy?
oh no! I've done it again! I forgot my lines
can't you see? I need you to guide me
I can't make it on my own!
what is it I'm meant to say? tell me,
do you still love me? (hardly!)
Mario, oh, my Mario!
maybe I'm just not fit for the part
this role is much too difficult, so let me sing
-- yes! let me sing! a ballad just for you
or better yet, start the film again
promise this time I'll remember to play along
u don't love me anymore, is it my fault?
Have you ever felt the weight pushing down on your chest?/ how your not enough for a world that still chases a ghost/ I’m alive in a lifeless hell/ moving around in a hollow shell/ complacency never cared for me/ I’m alone in a house that dependency built/

Anxiety is always haunting me/ lie awake each night just so I can breath again/ bury me, I never wanted to leave/ the cycle repeats in my heart so endlessly/

Take this away/ the sign of the times invaded my eyes/ just let go/ a leap of faith has never been answered/ someone save me, I’m burning alive/ I was never the same when darkness arrived/ will you let me go?/

Find me hollowed out/ carving my eulogy straight to the bone/ nothing to cling to when I’m on my own/ / bleeding the veins so I can feel again/ I’m numb to the feeling of agony/ it’s all I’ve ever known/ I can’t overcome these waves/ dragging me down below/ my demons have a hold of me/ pain in every breathe, I can’t control these memories/ I can’t see the light inside of me/
Would love feedback!
When it rains, it ******* pours/ I’ve been here before/ drag me up the shore/ anchored to the ocean floor/ I can’t contain, this tidal wave/ open up the flood gates/ let the levee break/

No time to pray/ god’s been getting in the way/ pushed to the brink/ when there’s nowhere left to sink/ knock down, the barricade/ nowhere to see, no light in the dark/

I’m caught again in the mess I’ve made/ all alone in the eye of the hurricane/ counting waves rolling over me/ can someone save me from this, before I’m swept away by the flood/

Can anybody hear me, I’m not found/ out under the sun for days in this hell/ and what I paid for my sins/ would send most men straight to there end/ when will this end?/ the tide drags me out again and again/

I’ve got a mind like an ocean, an anchor for a heart/ the only peace I’m guaranteed/ is buried underneath/ the rain has caught me now/ will I drown in my sleep?/ there will never be peace, when you’re looking through the clouds/ I’m lost under the surface/

I’m caught again in the mess I’ve made/ all alone in the eye of the hurricane/ counting waves rolling over me/ can someone save me from this, before I’m swept away by the flood/

I’ve got nothing left to say/ when all is lost, and what’s said is said/ The currents killing me/ I’m drowning again/ let the storm come for me/
I would love some feedback!
mari Oct 2021
dancing hazily as he smokes
lazily, blue-lipped Turkish square;
cherry brighter than his love.
fiendishly palming in the dark;
superstition rules his life like
his favorite little white *** lush.
summer died like his bride in
November; consummation in progress.
angel sent by sunbeams and sugar cane;
siren sent silently from some Caribbean island
beckoning him from across the realm.
headshot, sawed-off, ethereal glow.
vows breathed fearfully as fists rained down.
her name's on the tip of his tongue,
but he's so far gone now his memory's grown
fuzzy, though surely he's not forgotten.
how could he forget his one true love?
the one he risked it all for, fought God for;
his most prized possession, his pin-up
queen found in pieces on the streets
of Paradise Valley just past Wyoming,
glittering just outside the *******.
rhinestones like diamonds decorated her flesh,
black eyes from a man who came and left,
tiger stripe bruises from the ones who
could never love her the way he could.
had he dreamt her? or was she real?
were her tears or her blood real?
****** had bonded their souls and as if
by the grace of God her spirit haunted him
spitefully; her apparition found him frightened
in his hide out in the desert and he knew
he had to settle the score, so he headed east
back to the scene of the crime, back to
the city it all began and he begged her
to let his soul rest as he had not let hers.
his girl, his princesa, his Bonnie, his jewel,
the one he had so shamelessly and brutally
left for dead on the side of the road in fresh snow,
laughed viciously at his fearful pleas and
reminded him of all the life she had missed,
all the innocence lost on a drunken whim
because he had no control over the demon
that made itself a bed in his heart or
the weakness he felt when he saw how broke
her heart was over a man who was anyone
but him; and in an instant he had known what to do,
promising her the world as he destroyed
what good she possessed until she was nothing
more than a cold body in the passenger's seat
of his slate grey beater. he knew he would
never be free from visions of her smiling and
singing 'i love you's as he took her life until he
took his. if there really is a God out there,
he's a cruel master, but so too is a lover who
goes rogue when his love's gone up in flames.
daydreams don't equate to reality if u have to force someone to love u
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