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Bella Isaacs Jan 13
I went home today, straight after work
Because your curtains were closed
And although I didn't struggle with the quirk
Of thinking "But maybe..." (not really), hosed
Down with sobriety, I wondered at the darkness,
The loneliness, the determination (nose to grindstone,
Nose to grindstone), and with less than sharpness
I went home, nearly straight after work, and left you alone
And I left memories of another girl somewhere -
Possibly in your curtains - but you wouldn't care
To know that I no longer think, "I couldn't look him in the face" -
I now ask if I will be able to look at myself, in no one's place.
SpiritHeart67 Jul 2023
If we are to take
full responsibility
for all of our
choices
and actions
then that means
that the things
that we do
stand alone,
in and of
themselves.

It doesn't matter who did what
or
what was happening
around us,
in the moment.
When we are
truly responsible
and accountable,
we do not look
to others actions
or choices
as an excuse
to justify our own.

To accept
Personal
Responsibility
is to take
Accountability
for our own Choices,
first and foremost.

Don't expect
your neighbor
to pick his
dogs **** up
off your lawn
when you
are knee deep
in the horse
manure
you just dumped
in his front yard.

Vancouver Bay, viewed out the front
window, as out the back door,
the snowcapped Olympics loom..
A beautiful ocean breeze  here
in Port Angeles.. and amazing
warmth,  in the sun.

Hours long visits with my Mother
yesterday and today.. and then us
finding a long lost cousin  on
ancestry .  com  when we get  back
to the house. Pictures of dad there
when he was young before the war.
Stories and memories  from Mom
about before  and after, everything
went bad.

And pictures, pictures, pictures
of before it went bad..

      but none after.

I feel the distance  of the memories
but not the pain. I hold Momma close
within the knowledge  that nothing
whatsoever  has a hold on me. Elaine
is serving meals and catering to
our mother in her Rainman-like
attempt, to keep all her pain at bay;

    She is flesh of my flesh..
    blood.. of my blood.
    There with me  from the beginning--

    amidst the horrors  far beyond
    a child's innocent vocabulary
    to describe.

Back home she opens up
ancestry . com again  as Harlan talks
about his adoption  and attempt at
reconnection with his blood family,
once he finds out who they are.  Few
even want to acknowledge his  existence.

   The distant cousin of ours
   wants to tell Elaine about Dad
  right after the war.

After she responds, I **** on her
leg and then wave another, directly her way.
She's trying  to keep from laughing
as she fakes throwing up.

   I **** on her one more time
   just to show her who's boss..

She's like a machine  in her need
to take care of Mom. We take pictures
when again,  back over there..
I keep messing the timer up
on my phone's camera,
I think Mom wants to be left alone.

I don't think Mom ever
wants to be left alone.

She straight-arms me when I try
to help her up from the table.
I step back,  
but don't take it personally.
Back on the couch..  she's
she's cranky now, because the
current New York times  arrived
with a tear. She opens up the
business section and I tell her
Warren Buffett is my new boss.
She's very pleased with his ownership
of our company, and then immerses
herself into her newspaper.

   Elaine says its time to go.

She will ask Elaine again tomorrow
morning if I was really here..  or
was it her imagination. I will show
her again tomorrow that I am very
real. There have been horrors  beyond
description. There are years and years
and years,  of my letting go.

Back at the house, I sit on the front
steps and stare out at the bay.
Victoria Island is beautiful.
The Olympic Mountains are breathtaking.
Time with Harlan and Elaine  as the
sun goes down. I wave a **** one more time,  
her way.. for good measure.  
She brings me Rocky Road ice cream  
because she remembers its my favorite.
I muster up one more **** her way
before heading off to bed.

She comments about my strength.

Back down in the guestroom,
you are on top of me--
your beautiful thighs  straddling my hips..
You've been working out, beautiful girl
that firm ***..  feeling so incredible
in my hands..
You ease your beautiful, warm wet
slowly..  down on to me
in your desire to  bring about
   for each of us..
   the most beautiful,  deep release.

You kiss me deeply,  as our bodies  writhe
in deep ******--
Beautiful ****,  to my chest
as I pulse the warmth  of my *****
deeply,   in to you..

"This is the death  of all death, beautiful girl"..
I whisper into your weary spirit
as your beautiful *****..  gushes deeply
all over my warm, pulsing  flesh.


..And suddenly  we are *******
in the warm,  pouring rain--

https://www.pornhub.com/view_lala-la-la-lala-la



       You are overcoming, beautiful girl.

                         ~xoxoxo~


..and I have become addicted as ****.
https://youtu.be/2M-2BFS6Jxc

xo
xavier thomas Apr 2023
Future Wife-

~forgive me. forgive for
not waiting on you like I was supposed to during ***.
I allowed my hormones & flesh
give the best of what
truly belongs to only you, to them.

forgive me- I was
still developing
into a new man
from a damage soul
under numerous baggage,
carrying their faults into mine.

forgive me- cause it’s about **** time
you came my way
after all these years
just waiting. ~
Greyisntwell Feb 2023
The Knot-The Noose

Withering like the leaves on the tree
Falling down to the ground they too
Thought they were to be free.

I climb through the hurt
I run through the dirt
A deep breath in
I scream, you won't win!

Three knots tied together like a noose
One knot for the mind
One knot for the body
One knot for the soul

Dissembling, letting them go
Of those things that influenced me so.
No longer have their hold
The noose of hatred let's me go.
It's grasp no longer there.

A deep breath in
I scream, is this what it's like to finally win?

As within
So without
These walls are crumbling
I believe in myself
That there is no doubt.
I recently wrote this, I'm very proud of it.
You of youth or what you have left of it
speak out for who can hold the unaccounted accountable and take action upon your dreams and aspirations for it is only you who holds the torch that can light the path before you for the possibility of not only reaching your dream but putting your light of a dream on display for all to see who's to say dreams can't come true when somehow you dream like you do
Ryan Seth Cole Apr 2022
I hurried up to the window. It was all the way down stairs. The exhaust was at crescendo. By the time I arrived, you were not there. The exhaust fumes that plumed had left a trail in the air. It was cold that morning, I had walked out to the driveway in my underwear.

I came back inside and put some clothes on and tried to move on with my day. But it wasn’t that easy once the argument was there. Any task I would do would compose in the background like the noise of the county fair. Any stranger could become a target should my fuse were to despair.

I try to have more control than that but this morning I did not care. I made everyone around me; suffer with me at the cost of what you bared. It was your fault in the grief we shared  but I won’t admit it. Plus, you don’t care. You hurt me and now I hold the world hostage. Give me my heart back or I will.

I already lost it. And at what point is the damage I received Justified by the pain I inflict upon others? At what point do I look in the mirror and find the fault upon me?
Well if you have read this far you can already see.

-RSC
Self infliction and escalation we pay to hurry our death.
I S A A C Nov 2021
I feel stupid I feel dumb
I won but what
did I really win, you are so childish
had to cut the strings, can no longer cradle it
you are a baby, so immature
you are such an actor, improve king
scratch that you are such a clown
a king would have a crown
but you cannot face what you were born to be
rather keep yourself like an oath, just to not rock the boat
but I cannot be your baby only in the moonlight
in daylight, you are scared to touch me
it rubs me the wrong way, you love me the wrong way
I pictured us as more but you pictured me as decor
a vessel for your fantasy, a trophy nothing more
then you block me on everything because I won’t allow you to keep vanishing
encore encore, but you are still so unsure
fix yourself, please
maturing can be a breeze
when you take accountability
Big Virge Sep 2021
So Where Does The Blame Lie... ?!?

When It Comes To Lives...
That Are... Marginalised... ?!?

And By This I Mean...
Those In POVERTY... !!!

Is It Down To THEM... ?!?

Or Corrupt Systems...
And Their Negligence... ?!?

Is It Fair To Suggest...
That World Governments...
Could Really CARE LESS...
About Those Who They Know...
That They CAN'T CONTROL...
Like REBELLIOUS Souls...
With Dark Skin Tones... ?!?

Or Those White Folks...
Who Just Won’t Do...
As They Are Told... !!!

Because There Are A Few...
Don’t Get It Confused... !!!

Which Leads Me To...
The Question of WHO...
Can Really Be Blamed...
For Creating Slaves...
And Race Hate Today... !?!

Should The Blame Be Placed...
On... Colonial Names... ?!?

Are They The ONLY Ones...
To Have Employed Chains...
In Foreign Kingdoms...
That They Now Dominate... ?!?

Or Can Blame Be Aimed...
At Those Who Gained...
From Slavery Trades...

Who Sold Their Souls...
By SELLING THEIR OWN... !!!

Who Should Be ASHAMED...
of Claiming... PAY...
Instead of Protecting...
Those From Their Race... !!!

Should Blame Be Injected...
Into This Debate... ?!?

Or Just Be REJECTED...
As Being... INSANE... ?!?

Are TRAITOROUS Ways...
NOT WORTHY of BLAME... !?!

Or Can ANY Race CLAIM...
That They’re FREE of MISTAKES...
And Have Always Embraced...

Behaviour That’s HUMANE... !?!

You See Blame Is Used...
Much Like A Ruse...
To Keep People Confused...
And Devoid of TRUTH... !!!

So WHO Can We Blame...
For Societal Pain...
In The World Today...

Or Should That Be WHAT... ?!?

Like... CORONA Strains...
And Vaccine Campaigns...

Can We Blame The CHINESE... ?!?

You See Blame DEFAMES...
And Sometimes DECEIVES... !!!

If What You Believe...
Is A... FALLACY... !!!

However LIES Can Be Blamed...
When The Truth Is Displaced...
For LIARS To GAIN...
And AVOID Being RESTRAINED... !!!

The Blame Game Is Played...
By... Political Names...
Pretty Much EVERYDAY... !!!

It’s A Crying Shame...
To See How They INFLATE...
Problems of The State... !!!

Like This Sudden Need...
For Us All To VACCINATE... !?!

Because As I’ve Read Today...
There’s Apparently Now...
A... MEXICAN WAVE...
Taking Centre Stage... !!!

Like It Did In The Days...
of Those World Cup Games... !!!

Now Of Course That’s A JOKE... !!!

But Blame Can Invoke...
Lots of Dubious Quotes...
That Can Leave People BROKE... !!!

If You’re Blamed For ****...
Or Exporting *******...
ALL OVER THE PLACE... !!!

It Can Start Campaigns...
And Can RUIN Your Name... !!!

If What You’re Blamed For...
Starts An Online War...

Like We See Nowadays...

So Where Does The Blame Lie...
For These Online Crimes...
That Have Lead To SUICIDES...
And A LOT More That’s VILE... !!!

With Those Running Websites... ?!?

Or Big Tech Companies... ???

Who Really DON'T Seem...
To Be Too Worried...
About ABUSES Seen...
On Internet Screens... ???

Can We Simply Blame GREED...
And A LUST For MONEY...
As The Reasons For...
What Many DEPLORE... !!!

From Online ****...
To Things Now Bought...
From Online Stores... !!!

NO ACCOUNTABILITY...
Seems To Be Where Blame...
Is Now Being... AIMED... !!!

When Online Companies...
Face The Type of Complaints...
That Say That They’re Playing...
Some DANGEROUS Games...
With Peoples’ Brains...
Just To... Get Paid... !!!

It’s The Same Ol’ Same...

Blame's ALL OVER The Place... !!!
EXCEPT... Perhaps...
Where It REALLY SHOULD BE... ?!?

Because What Is FACT...
Is That People NEED...
To Take A STEP BACK...
And Look At THEMSELVES... !!!

Instead of Laying Blame...
With... EVERYONE ELSE... !!!

Because The Bottom Line...
When It Comes To Our Lives...
Is That Choices We Make...
Are What Really DEFINE...

The Answer To...
This Question of Mine...

That’s Simply Asking This...

“ Where The Blame Really Lies “
Not such an easy question to face, or to, TRUTHFULLY Answer !
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