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Floor Jul 2019
I'm dissociating again
I can't connect with my body
My head's just floating in thin air, tired and at the verge of being psychotic
I can't remember what I did yesterday or the day before
I'm anxious, feel like everyone is watching me
I feel the need to hurt myself or worse for that matter
I made plans to end it again
At night nightmares haunt me
At day I feel like the body I'm in isn't mine
I'm scared to get a psychosis
I'm scared I'll suddenly start to lose my grip on reality
Floor Jul 2019
I can feel myself fading away
I've never been something special
But it's like I'm turning grey while the whole world is full of color
It's like I'm being pushed off
It's weird to explain
But I just feel like I am nothing
Like I can dissappear in a second and no one will notice
I want to end it myself before life does it for me
I'm so scared of living
The few years I had on this earth were **** to say the least
I'm nothing special
I'm nothing
Floor Jul 2019
'You're not good enough!' he said while he placed his hands around my neck
'you'll never be!'
I cried, he lied, I almost died that day
Full of bruises I walked home
Smiled to my parents and told them I fell off my bike the day before that
They believed it, they still think that's the truth
'You *****, never talk to another boy again or I'll **** you! ' he said while he slapped his hand against my cheek
I reacted mild, he got wild, I still was a child that day
Full of red marks I walked home
Smiled to my parents and told them I got in a playful fight with a friend
They believed it, they still think it's the truth
And this went on for a few months
I finally found the strength to get out
But it haunts me every day
Floor Jul 2019
Her parents are drowning in heroine
While she is taking the Ritalin
To calm her mind from all the stress
Because her parents made a mess
So she takes the pills one by one
Until the bottle is completely gone
And closes her eyes one last time
And looks at it as her parents crime
Now she is in a different place
Somewhere between time and space
Her parents are drowning in sadness and hate
While she is walking to heaven's gate
Something I wrote while traveling the other day.
Floor Jul 2019
The urge is getting in my head again
I want to take away the pain
I am the pain
My life is pain
I want to take my life
The voices are getting bad again, the depression is taking over
The urge is bigger and stronger than ever
I'm so ******* scared
I want to let people close to me
I want to tell them
I want it, but the memories and flashbacks are holding me pinned against the floor
I can't tell them
I have to do this alone
I'm not brave enough to keep this fight going
I'm done
Joseph Miller Nov 2017
I am cursed
by those around me
i did not choose
hands that put me down
with their selfish rage
i did not ask to be
a child cursed
again and again
year after year
who could blame me
for the mistakes i've made
before i was born
the pain began
Lee Kelly Jun 2019
As we pass in the corridor
You say it. I have
Heard it a hundred times before
So now I implore
What the **** do
I keep taking this **** for?

Once I called you a friend
Now all I want to see
Is you labelled a fiend
For the world to see
So now I implore
What the **** do
I keep taking this **** for?

Every night I go home
Work on things you
Will never understand as
You focus on making others miserable
So now I implore
What the **** do
I keep taking this **** for?

I open my drawer at night
See my gun and think
How nice it would be
To end it all
So now I implore
What the **** do
I keep taking this **** for?
D A W N Nov 2017
my shoulders are lonely with love and serendipity that control me; i want somebody to hold me but its useless nevertheless the truth is people leave me clueless with the things i do with. and i loved you endless like a paragraph that didnt have a sentence because it didnt have to make sense as long as it was endless; i thought it was perfect. did you shatter when i threw you into the latter. when you said everyone didnt matter except me, did you mean it. and thats not all. you told me sticks and stones wont break my bones, as long as youre there im not alone. you told me my eyes were a reverie leaving you wanting for more. keep in mind i walked to your downpour without a cover. how you told me youll love me like no other-how you used to smother all the love numbers when i thought you werent like the others. you told me actions speak louder than words. how your words cursed me and curtsied everytime you hurt me, stirred me
and i still loved you
endlessly
and if i could
i would take every breath of me
just to prove to you
that i loved you unconditionally
despite the consecutive times youve
tried to  hurt me
UNFINISHED POEM WRITTEN IN 2016  N I JUST FINISHED THIS 3 YEARS LATER I-
IS THIS EVEN A POEM
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