I remember that day
And everything that I felt for you
And everything we wanted to do

I remember the feeling of your hands
On my body
Roaming my mind and my soul
As you caressed my skin

I remember the feeling of your cracked lips
On mine
As we connected
And it felt as if
We were one

I remember the way you looked at me
And how I would duck and shy away
Afraid to let you know
What your gaze did to me

But you knew full well the affect
That you had on my body
My mind
And my soul

I don't regret
The soft carresing touch
The blade to my throat
When I tried to disobey
The way you would choke me
With the hands that
Touched my soul

I don't regret
The teasing for hours
Then when you left me devoured
And after you showered me with the warmth
Of the love you had to give
As you helped me wash myself
Along with you
Under the warm water
Connected still to your body

I remember falling asleep
In your arms
Completely at peace
Until I woke up
And once I left I knew
You had given too much of you
And thats the last I felt
Of your hands roaming my body

But
I don't for a second
Regret
You

I dont wanna turn 18
I don't wanna watch
As all my dreams
Fade and fall
Into the dark

I don't wanna turn 18
Because i know
That once I do
I have to deal with everything
And even more
With the thought of losing
You

I know that once I turn 18
Everything that is easy
Is gonna become
So much
Harder

I have to apply
To get money
Just to survive

I have to beg my mom
To pay
For me to get help
Cuz otherwise
I'm stuck here for life
With no one
To take care
Of me

I have to deal
With the possibility
That I can't receive help
Or funds
And I just become stuck

And i have to deal
With the thought
That if you leave too
I'll become lost
And gross
Because I can't even shower
Or go out anywhere
If you do

If i do receive the supports
That i need
I have to apply
For so many things

A service dog
Money cuz i cant get a job
A careworker
And a friend or two
Because nobody simply
Just wants to be friends
With you when you're this broken

I don't wanna turn 18
Even though
There's more things I
Have access to

Sure I can now
Buy ****
And alcohol
And consume it legally
But I might fall on those
As addictions
Not once in awhile
Supplements
For fun

I'm spending my birthday with
YOU
And I'm happy to
Because I'm happy with
The things we do

But I fear
That may be
The last day
You see me smile
Or even breath
And if I survive
It may be awhile
Before I can truly
Say
That I'm
ALIVE

Graphic poem*

It is late as I wait for you
to walk through the door.
I am a temptress,
dressed to impress.
My hair flows
in gentle golden waves,
as I dare to lay here
anticipating his reaction
in all my vulnerable beauty,
My bared porcelain skin
kissed by black lace and bows.

I smile as my eyes meet his,
the spark, too hot to ignore.
I see my ravenous conquest.
Tearing at his clothing,
My fingers dragging over
his skin so warm,
bearing his masculinity
he draws near
aroused by my alluring distraction.

Undeniable his passionate duty.
Explosions begin
provoked by desire
and eagerly exposed.
I want to cry out,
there is no taming his flame.
I am blown away by his divinity.
I beg and I plead,
but he takes his time
devouring every inch
of my femininity.

Rhythmic euphoria
consumes my senses
whilst dancing between linen
he takes control.
We two lovers entwined
in this game of seduction
and a never ending desire
to scream his name.

©️Lizzie Bevis

roaming the streets up late at night,
we kept walking even if its dark.
just followed what feels right,
even if we didn't know where to go.

i remember we're laughing
romanticizing the years,
falling in love and getting drunk,
now im 18 and im terrified.

uncertain about the future
as we long for summer to come back
spent our time distracting ourselves
because we can't be kids again

You realize, as you’re sitting on your bed, holding the phone you begged your mommy to buy just months ago, that 18 is so far from 17. 17 was so beautiful; with youth in all its glory and the future just seemed so out of grasp. And yet, you grow and while growing, you make friends that you share your secrets to when dawn peeks, you make decisions that could change your life unknowingly and you fall in love, a love that’s raw and free, a love you can only have at 17. But somehow at 18, you lose the friends through petty fights and those shared secrets were now secrets for strangers, you make the wrong decisions because they were different from the decisions you once made at 17, and you fall out of love, a love you thought would last forever because of empty promises you made when everything seemed possible. 18 is beautiful too, you realize, because you can do all the things you did at 17, but not the way you did at 17. At 18, you make friends and you don’t share your secrets at the wee hours of the night but you share your goals, your passions and funky music you heard on the radio that plays during the late afternoon drives. At 18, you make decisions you never did at 17. It’s scary at first, but you’re no longer 17 and at 18, things are different, you’re more mature and you hold yourself with confidence and you stand up for the decisions you make. At 18, you fall in love again, but not with a boy that reeks of mud and barely has ****** hair, instead, you fall in love with yourself. You fall in love with your stomach that’s not flat, you fall in love with your dainty fingers and you fall in love with the life you created that you never really loved at 17. The phone in your hand dings, it’s a message from a friend you thought you lost at 17: ‘happy birthday.’ The screen blackens because you know you can reply later because when you’re 18, 19 seems so far away.