today I wanna run away.
a backpack full of clothes,
the food I need, and a little cash.
I wish I were 18,
regardless of the adult struggle.
I need to be alone and not be questioned.
climb the mountains,
visit a city.
watch the sunset and the sky turn blue.
Get on top of me without asking.
Talk to me and tell me things I want to hear.
Wear those Adidas pants that show your *** off.
Make me want to show you off.
I told you I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You grabbed me and bit my lip, grabbed my hand and made it wet again with your innocent girl tricks.
I love those girl tricks.
Iv'e never really know what *** with feelings is but you make me want it and you made me call it love.
You know wants up I love how you get it up and put it back down like you own it.
You're making me speak Spanish and ask for god in my language like ****, girl that beautiful hair got me learning new moves and it proves that you just know what to do.
The way my eyes grab on your *** like you just want it to last.
I got this don't you worry I'll make it last just keep throwing back that ***.
For no reason again
Why am I even here
It's 4:40am right now
End it all
End it all
You told me once
to never stop asking
my hundreds of questions
that leave you gasping.
When you looked at me,
eyes tracing your hands--
with a quick grasp
at the drawer of your nightstand.
You asked me a question--
just like my hundreds.
So real and so hot
mouth open, body spread;
"So you’re telling me, somehow
i have to take the most beautiful girl
in my life,
and bruise her thighs?"
A real text I got sent
They just wanna be free of you.
Squash you with what
they believe to be
their superior knowledge.
renting their own pad
with enough cold pizza
to last the winter.
you are made to feel a ******
and don't see what
they're up to.
I may not know much,
but even someone
with an elementary education
can figure that sickness out.
Sara Fielder © June 2019
Ghosts are real,
Monsters are too.
They live inside us.
And sometimes they win.
I'm writing a small poem every day about how I feel or the world around me. This is #18
I awake to a new day
Yet feel unenthusiastic.
Unlike most others, I don't really care
That the new day brings upon a new year.
It just means milestones occur.
Important events. Changes.
My birthday's in 16 days.
Adulthood approaches rapidly, and I'm unprepared.
Am I immature? Am I not ready?
I'm unsure. Yet I remain steadfast.
I'm not ready for this change.
That day will only add pressure on me.
Their expectations are high, I suppose.
"You're going to be a computer engineer." Or something like that.
But I'm…confused. Parts of it I'm not good at.
And I'm left wondering if I even care about that class anymore.
What if I don't want to pursue that?
Will it be a waste of my "talent" or is it just a fleeting interest?
I suppose I could take up writing but…
We all know that's just wishful thinking.
My mind's clouded, uncertainty filling it to the brim.
And as each minute passes, I just count down the days
Until I can talk to her again.
Even if we're far from each other, we'll still be connected.
Just like the days before.
And then, I'll make her smile.
In that moment, I'll forget about my own troubles.
And focus on hers.
Is this a bad thing to do? Probably.
Do I care too much? Perhaps.
Will this help me forget about everything though?
No. It won't. But at least I can be happy.
Even if that's for a few hours a week.
I guess there's a lot going on with me that I refuse to acknowledge.
I'm a fool.