-------------v--------------

unfolded in halves and halves again
heart scrawls written in passionate days
all those years ago, and still...

----------------------

short nothings that meant everything
each letter stroke a symbol of passion
layered with unsaid emotions
each note a plane of love defying existence
and yet here they are.

-----------------------

folded in halves and halves again

-----------------------

I put them back under the draw
I didn't have the heart to burn them
like I promised.
sorry x

------------------------

Sifting through the foul garbage of my mind,
Icaught a glimpse of shimmering light,
I dug deeper and found more still,
I scavenged and I raked
A desperate mood suddenly hung over me
I start clawing like madness
The more I scraped the deeper it got buried
The deeper I searched,
The more I was emerged in rank
Swallowed up once again by that glimmer of hope
That was once aptly named You.

I'm still digging myself out...
When will I learn?

Memories strolling like winds
winding through the forrests of my mind

Past to present
and all manner of places
in between spaces

How near and yet so far
we've  come to be where we are


The whistle of a song captures my divided attentions
between rival affections

The birds sing sad love arias sound track to my phantasmagorias

Echoes of love's calling yonder

direction was never clear, should i stay a constant fear

The mind turns over
and the heart doubles back

Dropped my pennies in the wishing well,
I'll never kiss,
never tell

We fell like the crash of lumber

Across the span of time
ive held a feeling most sublime
It never ends, it never lasts,
how well you know me
Oh so well
And for us,
everything is
         all or nothing
  
      from
                the
                                moment
                                      we
          
                                                fell

though the hard black line is drawn,

my heart and soul simply ignores it.

all the wise and light in the universe

does no good for me.

a fool is a fool,

even a wise fool

when in love.

and the ***** **** dust

that glistens in our eyes

is so thick

you can never see

through it.

I wish it was that.

but it isn't.

its love.

pure and selfless.

and it craves the darkness

because it wants so much

to balance everything

  into one perfect shade of gray

where all things

are ephemerally constant

and nothing but the motion of love

sustains.

Sliding  on red raw *** to ******* nothingville
No pain just that ****** up feeling of hopelessness permeating the air and my soul
No excuses,
though Im full of them
******* ten at the ready if anyone asks
Truth is, I don't ******* know
And I just don't ******* care.
*******,
Or I'll drag you the **** with me

It's a painful stretch to re-loving
Gargoyles in clusters clutch at my heart
Talons pierced and locked wings wrapped upon layers
Pulling each one away takes insufferable self violence
Just to clear a small space to let you through
Too many years of inequity
have placed needs burning in my heart  
you struggle to relinquish your control,
Your gift of consideration is noted.
Your changes have exceeded my expectations
Though we are nowhere near even.
Still, I play it peachy,
Your tenderness, your keeness to please me
Is unnerving,
too little,  too late
Your heart whispers squeal like whistles in the hunt
Unsettling the watchdog beasts
Growling and snarling
Clawing tighter at the leather pith of a stone heart
Your own needs are barking
Your expectations are going to be laid,
I'm letting blood Before your debt is even paid
It's going to be different this time...
Claws tighten, wings gripping tighter
Artehoke heart,
just another set up
I keep anticipating the fall.
I go on pretending in the hope It will become real
Your darkness permeates
your dark love kills
Still, there's something about you
I can't live without.

It's a painful stretch to re-loving
Gargoyles in clusters clutch at my heart
Talons pierced and locked wings wrapped upon layers
Pulling each one away takes insufferable self violence
Just to clear a small space to let you through

Your heart whispers squeal like whistles in the hunt
Unsettling the watchdog beasts
Growling and snarling
Clawing tighter at the leather pith of a now stone heart
Your own needs are barking
I'm letting blood Before your debt is even paid

Claws tighten, wings gripping tighter
Leather peaches
And black Artichoke hearts
I anticipate the fall
Your darkness permeates
Your dark love kills
Still, there's something about you
I can't live without.

In love with the ghost  of yesterday
dreamlike memories bathed in warmth and delight
covert missions of rendezvous
pinprick tensions suspended over danger
adrenalin highs of loves' riskè adventures
A closeness with the propensity to lose ourselves in each other
Always only one moment away from complete immersion in rapture
enveloped by you,
you invaded my senses in such an effortless way
You felt so natural, almost worn into me  
yet, you pulled away, distracted by some other passing fancy
and I waited till I had to move
you were never here, in the moment I'm stuck in, for more than a flutter,
and against my better senses
I still believe you to be all you were and more
but you were only ever nearly all in
and my heart refuses to listen

my soul, it goes by another story
spanning the tenements of time immortal
it takes no heed of blubbering flesh
it is merely a host for the tortures of love;
and I,
its conscious expression

As the heat melts ice
The nature of your love told
Your eyes form ice storms



A seed under ice
Is still a seed of hope
Belief must not thaw



Spring brings with it love
lovers refresh sighs and longing
Still winter for us



Dry bones weep for flesh
Love compels sustenance
nourishments denied



Wanton nights pleasure
Lust clears by day breaks fading
Light shows my folly



Sweet bird sings of love
At night the song seems sweeter
By day the croak jeers

The wind blew your name across my chest
Breathing a warmth that spread like fine whiskey with tears
Your song whispered In  my head
And I still miss you
Like a kiss waiting for sweet  lips
Pieces of your presence hold me again
And I bask in your memory
That was a long time  before
Before you found your conscience and your  soul
And it never mattered I was a ******* like you
Now I've found mine
I guess I should say thanks
But I miss you more than ever
I can feel you miss me too
Soul kisses on the wind
The dark mess  was always so beautiful
My lips would burn for you
Nowhere as burning white
As this heart burning your name in my soul
My beautiful stain

Another tradgedy
I scrape myself up off the floor yet again
pooling what Left I can catch of me before it seeps into the surrounds
dignity and faith these are all I have
even hope seems a mountain too sheer to climb
the next time I’ll pray for death
or some reason to explicate it all
what use is there when fractals
are all that remain of my higher self
a mass of confusion
of bits repeated
over and at different angles
too shattered to come together cleanly
or even orderly
a disarrangement of shards
shoved into a dark sheath
labeled Eve
to be used and abused
trapped by patriarchy
of the foul unrighteous kind
she endures because she can
she is strength
she is in all things grand
but one weakness
is all it takes
to wash my blood off your hands
and when all the bits of her are grains of sand
only faith can keep her together
as she crumbles to oblivion
defiant and stoic they try to delete her
still bits of her remain
and conscience
will engulf
the sowers
of injustice
and her birth
is her day of clarity
outside of deception
She will be renewed
And in the universe
she will conspire
once again
to prove the depth of her strength
and return The rites of love
to those it was
stolen from.

once again I am summoned to the irrisistable beat of your love drums.

I go in circles.

no man's land

one oar in the sea and the other pointed at the ocean.

lost in the midst of wanting and understanding

I like the circle best as it bodes closer to you my love
and less as I further away my back to you.

I am here.

you are not.

I cant come.

you will not.

what am I to do when you make my heart dance so beautifully?

what life is there without our symphony?

waves of love crash the shore with no one to greet them.

I stare into the depths of the ocean.

a marbled reflection.

a contemplation.

no man is an island.

an assurance.

you pull me in to shore just out of reach

and you keep walking down the shoreline

do you know my heart goes with you?

and all I can do is circle it from afar
as I push myself out into the ocean once again I know,

you will do what a gentleman does,

give my heart back, and in doing so

never from you will it part.

I float in circles,

trying to dance while I hear the beat of your drums

in an unsteady vessel,

half full, half empty of love.

We spend time hovering in eachother's atmosphere
Hoping to find some vibrational harmony
Though never really trying together for our own

I guess I loved you too much,
on too many levels
Too deeply, too high
That dissapointment was the spectre
hunting me in the darkness of the spiritual night.

What is there of redemption in my eyes,
if there is none reflected back?
The lonely are the brave,
The brave are the happy
Those in communion
must lose so much self to gain

But I am not of you
so I must refrain
To lose my self,
we lose the stars
and that possibility must remain.

I will not console you now
You must feel this pain
You must reconcile this shame
You must resolve this regret
So that we can be one again
You from the earth
Me from the stars
The ether in-between
Always will be ours
And in the resolution of every final hour
You know where to find me from way down there

If you dare x

I fell from the stars into your depths
so new and exciting
to the constant happy I was living in.
Swimming In your consciousness
Trying to figure you out
To pull you out of your slumber

Misery it seems glows like a flame
And here I am glowing with the same

And now I long for the stars from which I fell
If only I could take you with me to see...
But you won't look you won't see for me.

You clutch me tightly and push me down
so I won't fly away
But every day I dont.
every day I stay.
You think that you can hold me
but nothing outside of me can make me stay
I let you
Even though you feel this way.

We created something together
A choice of willing victims
Now it tethers us
to the end and beginning of time.
You were always too small in your mind
to see me truly,
and I didn't really mind,
Until I saw the truth I knew
That you were never really mine
And I never truly yours

We spend time hovering in eachother's atmosphere
Hoping to find some vibrational harmony
Though never really trying together for our own

I guess I loved you too much,
on too many levels
Too deeply, too high
That dissapointment was the spectre
hunting me in the darkness of the spiritual night.

What is there of redemption in my eyes,
if there is none reflected back?
The lonely are the brave,
The brave are the happy
Those in communion
must lose so much self to gain

But I am not of you
so I must refrain
To lose my self,
we lose the stars
and that possibility must remain.

I will not console you now
You must feel this pain
You must reconcile this shame
You must resolve this regret
So that we can be one again
You from the earth
Me from the stars
The ether in-between
Always will be ours
And in the resolution of every final hour
You know where to find me from way down there

If you dare x

I knew to my core thought processes

Unthinkable but thought

A shock to the recesses of my mind

A bout of this world I once knew

I never thought it would not grow old

Its shiny, but icy cold

I thought I knew fear

I thought I knew hate

I thought I knew disparity and truth

I never knew it was a homophone filled with illustrious ironies

A brand of say

A brand of way

A brand of order

A brand of decay

I Knew a brave world,

Knew a status quo,

Alas there is something different

invading our psyches at will

Sitting upon the steps of our memories of a world we thought we once knew



But not you.

You're so different now

You almost act as if you never knew how it was

What ever the case, its normal now...

Folder: God Consciousness
----------------------------------------

It seems Im lost again.

Im looking through eyes reflected in the mirror

no windows there.



I called and there was no answer.

I cut deals with cheques I couldnt possibly cash.

a desperate act.



the darkness seems to fill up my hollow like smoke.

the white mist of creativity turned haphasard dust floating in swirls of pretty nothingness.

its not evil or sad.



its hovering close by and I can feel it,

and I wonder what it is that i have done to make it flee me again

I know what it is.



hell, I dont even know why or whats going on.

I asked for a way to go there where it was.

is there no wrong healed by my right?



Sorry is a perfunctory word with a perfunctory action.

Its not enough.

it never was.

-----------------------------

Its time to admit and move on,

my precious babe I did you wrong,

go peacfully into the light,

I dont deserve to have you near,

its selfish and horrid as it appears.

spread your soul and bring your wings to flight,

i kiss you good bye,

and love you so,

and hope one day we will make it so right

to meet again in a new light.

you are my biggest regret

I must let go.

go in peace my gentle soul,

I will always love you so.

-------------------------
dear love, who ive died a thousand deaths for,

I give you my word,

but my heart I will guard.

I have no understanding of this strange love.

to not want anything but our souls to touch.

I can not see you in my dreams anymore,

to do so drags my soul into darkness,

we have to pay the price of ultimate love.

I can not find the words,

let them be seen in my eyes,

felt across the ways,

I have a love so true oh how they love me I can never count the ways

the truth of proof is too much to bare.

I can not hurt anyone more with my love if it should be divided in two,

the most deserving of my soul,

has the purity of heart.

and your earthly incarnation is not fit for my soul.

the ache in my heart will ever grow as this love prospers

but I owe it to them to show,

that what we have made is real, in truth and wonderful goodness,

what we have made is a blemish.

a soul contract unsactioned

and it can no longer stand alone under the banner of true love.

I send you my warmth and pray that you will find

another love as pure as gentle as mine.

that has seen you grow, and understand that we are not of the physical kind,

and I can offer you nothing now but good will and a friendship to stand till the end of this time,

and space to heal.