oh another round slicing my pride through a mandelin

grating my heart to a ****** pulp

scraping my dignity under you nails

another shameful episode over nothing.

a time span. minutes.

the lioness reared

the roar hurt your ears and your manhood

emasculated with all the trimmings

I swear you like it.

you never seem to learn.

you should never have shunned your kitten in public.

this mangled kittens got claws

you warned me; and I counter warned you

an thus this pile of heart **** wont pick its self up

I guess its up to me to mend the breakages again

I dont have the time to wait

i have to paint the walls and put a new cornice up.

here take your ******* coffee.

I give up.

gay, bi, pan, trans, weird or queer..
see you on the other side when you've learned to love the precious skin you're in.

I like because I like.
I follow because I really like the potential of your expression.
I don't and wont like to gain a following
I write for me.
I write for you.
You can see it if you want to.
I like and I never unlike because before I like
it has to be worthy.
I never like for likes sake,
I never like to be polite.
I never like it to be done to me
So only like if you would do unto me as I would do unto you;
Follow me as I follow you;
and save emotion and time in not having an action of mine
misconstrued.
Hugss.

I didnt want to talk about it.

it hung there in its ominous entirety devoid of explaination

the sickening welt in my gut peircing the truth into realisation

it is something that could not be unseen, unheard.

as you finally grasped its magnitude gaping wide open incredulously at the shape of it

I looked away.

I blame you.

but I never said a word.

What ever you do
What ever you say
No matter how
It always ends this way
Take yourself for a fool
Take everyone else too!
Leave the reasons
Leave the treasons
The world isn't made easy for people like you
It's designed  for the soulless,
Take pride in your difference keep doing what you do
Take your prize in the heavens
Where it all shines for you
The commander of a fleet of angels
Who break their wings trying to,
save a soul like me a spiritual fool
From an everlasting death.

What use am I?

What shade of complexity could I bring

What understanding would light your mind,

If the torn edges of maybes or what ifs weren't defined?

The swirl of uncertainty wrapping your tongue

sticky mud of insecurity would never water down

What faith would you tread on ground?

Oh What clarity hate affords the messengers target

Face it

without me you would have no purpose

No navigation between left or right

Appreciation is a lost art

A snicker of light

I'm not offended

I am simply aware

But you,

You're stuck with that blank stare.

I'm not sure id find it in your heart
or your eyes.

your soul is something
I could never read

and though my own
lay woven in and out of lies

i expected more from you.
It was a crazy lie invented to occupy my loneliness

and  I almost had myself believing it
but there was one step I was too proud to take

I count myself so lucky
I didn't fumble when you needed me most

the cold in your eyes is what I deserve
but there is no coldness there.

I fumble because I know
it's not what I should still have to run to

And I can't look in there as long as I used too
its so **** hard

because its in my eyes and in my heart
I know you've seen it.

I almost destroyed it
like so many other parts of myself

so  this one thing I hold perfect
in honour of you,

singularly
my ***

though my heart
tore it's self in two.

Struggling to  stay above the meniscus
Stagnant waters breed contempt
No push, no pull, just demands
Oily film clings in colourful swirls mocking as it suffocates
Each breath cut a micron smallker
A slow agonising drawl off a rabid dogs tooth
Stuck in an endless moment
Confined to a predestined conclusion
All forgone
I've given up on the illusion
Come what may
Its not the wait that kills,
I died a while ago
This is something else entirely  
Futile frustration
Living ends soon enough
After life, however,
is another matter.

found my God in your eyes

I found my purpose but your religon made no sense

I still suffer from disobedience

sinfully taking what i need

and ignoring all others

you filled my soul

and I can never pray enough

for your eyes to look upon me with ferver

keep your religion

i hang my hopes on the spiritual,

i want a connection

not a mandate of impossible laws

your designs fail me,

everyone a sin to confess,

i dont want your favour

i want your control.

to elvate above you and find your God in my eyes.

Chop their ****** heads off and I know why!
they are demented and toxic
And none more so than that liar bird
Aptly named by her own insipid title

The clouds I aspire to walk on dissipate with my aspirations of love
fear is temporary pain insignificant
the free fall astoundingly liberating
I fall cloud after cloud
slipped through a rainbow
and landed ******* the thump of reality
and while I was there the sky had fallen with me
and in the darkness a beacon of light pointed to hope
and I sat there watching the light waver and come closer
I saw a million starS clustered together picking up
the shattered specks of light torn down from the hosts of halos
and as I did nothing mesmerized the wave of lights in the beam
washed itself over me and instantly I was caught up in a new day
it had occurred to me that I had become the sun
the light of day opened up and cast out broken dreams and deception
and I saw the relief of freedom wash over the whole
and songs of joy played in my mind
and I knew in that instant I was love
but there were no words that could prove meaning
it was something one knows deep within
that forces with many aeons practice in dampening with the revolution of false truths
but the wordss won’t wont suffice
the light speaks my every conceived an inconceivable thought
without a word.

I let them get in my ear

and they didn't even speak

I let them cut you out of me

And I'm still bleeding and raw

A great deception

The law social of norms

The implied despotism

Of stigma

Of stain

But I am slain

I wear the eternal stain

Because I didn't love you

Like I should have

I Loved him more

It seems I can't get away from my inevitable destruction

I've tried too many times to counterfit my emotions

And I've searched like a blind man drowning

I've put my best foot forward only to find myself running backward

I've laid my best intentions only to find the road to ruin paved with the best of them

I've said a thousand and more times sorry

Only to end up having to say a thousand times more

I've dared to dream my dreams and grasped only thin air

I've allowed myself to be used and abused time and time again

Like some twisted self flagellation

only to find my self unrepentant without even knowing it

I've hidden from the truth only to find it find me

I've doubled down and doubled myself over it

I've built walls to dam up my failings only to find holes in it

always one hole more than any fingers or toes I've got for it

Troubles always seem to find me and worries never leave my mind

I'm not afraid to cry

And here I am still hopeful I've got one more time left  in me, and the will to try

Who knows, one day I'll win the tittle and maybe...

Small minded nasty
Claiming the self victims of hate
Hating on everything
Selfish ****** wanting what's nice and easy
CAnt work hard
Can't give
Don't get in their self absorbed way
Too busy taking and expecting
Grow up and feed someone else's needs for a while
Maybe you'll grow a pair and eventually lean how to use them
For what they were actually intended for.
Chasing your Rainbows is no excuse
***** please!

I missed you.

its as simple as that.
 


the shape of you is but a shadow,

And I found myself jumping through like a *smoke ring hoping to catch you.

but the edges always seem to vanish into thin air...



So im left with nothing

but this simple prayer.



Im sending you love on these wings of hope

to reach you because I missed you.


And its as simple as *that.

Folder: LOVE AND OTHER RELATED *******


I dont feel like listening to pathetic vows pledged forever,

I dont want to hear another ******* line about love

I dont care to be reminded of the beauty and the pain

I dont feel like hoping in you again.

save the sickeningly sweet confessions

save it.

I dont even want to remember your name

Im too **** busy forgetting your face.

What do say when no words can offer comfort?
What do you feel when theres no empathy that could possibly resonate.
What can you do when words freeze at the edges of your lips and dont dare come out because it doesnt begin to cover gape left open.
Might as well plunge to the depths of the abyss.
What can you do?
You hug.

What do you feel when theres no empathy that could possibly resonate?
What do say when no words can offer comfort?
What can you do when words freeze at the edges of your lips and dont dare come out because it doesnt begin to cover gape left open?
They might as well plunge to the depths of the abyss.

What can you do?

You hug.

Nerves suspended on pins.
****** sizzling and crackling up my spine
Along my neck and dancing across shoulders,
Soft peaks strain against cruel frabric hardening to attention;
Warm sweet bulbs of delight flood with aching
sweet trickles of warmth seep out laying a bed of welcome
Thighs echo inviting sentiments laxing open
Hips slide up sensously,
The request resoundingly clear.
Passion's fever lit,
Fed and readied by the slow burn,

And you havent even touched me yet.

From the coals of sacred texts, brought fouth from ancient whispers of a circle of unbroken time, dipping and acendinding its change state, as the one constant in unending continuity. Therein lies a simple truth, corrupted with gentle persuasion.

The state of being, the being of state and status of beings.

There are three main laws for us to pervail and avail here and now, or in past and future possibility. There is one rule that seperates, yet, reconsiles and is master of all truth; ugly or beautiful it renders life in death, death  into life and life into death.

to live evil live to  - live.d.evil

to Evo L ovE to

The cycle that never alters its identity making Its mood known in all forms and states; the All as in the We collective; and as the I; AGAPI, the known mystery of presiding over both and the first of the third.

Go.d  and evil.

Live with the hidden truth in plain sight. Felt  with intense realness,  hidden in semantics of languages  long lost and forgotten,  but none is needed to unless seeking to corrupt the incorruptible what is known and fails in explanation.

For  this very reason,  the logic of AGAPI (love) in all its moods, colours, ugliness and beauty fail to be described. And still, the poets' pride tries in vain to capture the whole.  Ever so often though, glimpses resonate and we can see a temporal portal with the promise of the indescribable known.


Blessingss

When we chance upon loves opportunity, no wonder in the universe could move us from the inevitable pain and sorrow.  We are casually seduced whole heartedly into the spiraling supernova swallowing up everything in our fusion of love.

Other worlds and other ways are suddenly all opened! A connection unable to be lost by the simplest act of acceptance. It clings. It is a forever thing. Good, bad, ugly or beautiful it will never die in us. it is born in us to grow like an infant and thus return to its infancy. It will transpose to fire and ice and a delightful inbetween but it will not fail to stretch your limits or tear them apart and carve a new dependecy or inspired independence.

The world will ne'er understand how the boundaries of love will crush common understanding and prevail through darkness and light, sick depravity and ulitmate compassion. We love this beautiful thing by its very own perameters and inscriptions. Its meaning brings meaning and how tied we are to its presence scraping its essences from cracks and hovering over its residue- we need so much to connect with it again through one path or another.

Our beautiful agapi has an escape like none can ever plan for. And, when I fell into the clutches of this truth, I understood most happily the indemnity was nil and this made it the most beautiful thing of all! I took the leap and I am still falling in a thousand places through a million spaces and an infinite set of times and places. I am completely protected by loving the climb and the fall cloaked in the hope of never understanding...


It all...

if I could want you more I'd burst into droplets of pain
if one look wasn't enough to steal my soul Id have it back again
if you could just be another person in another time in another place
same heart, same soul, same love, same time, same beautiful face
if one touch was enough to steal your soul I'd have it without fear but inevitably it will always come to nothing
because of who we are.

I gave you the last word
the last iota to carefully balance your position on
I left the gaping disparity unaddressed
I smiled pleasantly in the face of your lying pathology
I let your opinion of me ring out unchallenged
I walked out like a lady in high heels and a devil-may-care dress
a warm smile to ease your frozen heart
you creaked for an instant
but true to form,
you certainly ****** that up didn't you?

whirlpools.

thoughts,

ideas about love and other things

you.

me.

everything in between us.

the things I love the things I hate

the things i need.

Im not sure if you are one of them

but im afraid to find out.

lost in the humdrum punctuated by angry swirls

I find something elegant about your redemption

from your graceless fall each time.

so this is love hey

and i struggle to define it in some useful form

its not pretty at all and yet so strangely beautiful.

it seems the more we hang on the more it transcends

I am hoping desperately that it isnt simply a fear

ove the loss of time spent scaping us together each time

or some stupid hope that if we hang in long enough

the fruits of our labours will come.

or is it that you and i are inextricably linked by some chaotic yet ancient force

that stirs these whirlpools into action

that the sound of my name from your lips raises hairs on my neck

and the touch of your hands warms me to my soul

and in your eyes I see home, the very same  one Ive seen you long for

in mine. and the stupid way you think drives me crazy,

but the way you love me is something of time immortal

and I can feel it burning into me

calling me home when Ive forgotten you on my adventures

and a pull so strong so real that it lights my heart almost as bright as my soul

when I see you and you see me in that way we do sometimes

we know its just so exquisitely right the way we connect.

whirlpools.

thoughts. ideas about love and other things.

you.

me.

us.

the air is charged with your messages of love

you miss me, I feel it.

the wind wraps me with your hug

passing on whispers, I hear it.

pain pierces like thunder,

you need me, I know it



the wind stills, no reply

I cant show it,

I fell,

You walked.

I cant come,

but you still call

even though you know it.

Which thousandth time is this,
that  my heart and soul cry out to you?
You have knocked my world senseless yet again.
rendered me incapable, unreachable, unlovable.
I am in the space between life, death and dreams
where I can sit next to you all I want and feel home.
The rage,* quietened by our tenderness,
our tenderness stoked by our synergies aligning
The shape and shadows of our love fall on the wall,
a four armed hypnotic cobra,
two twined into one
an intrinsic vibration,
a holy peace to transcend all eternity;
I could spend forever here...
*-If I wasn't so captivated by his seductive hell.

I have nothing to prove
And much to say
You dont have to listen.
Thats ok.
But don't expect me to stay quiet
And your *******?
I dont have to buy it.
You don't shape my reality
But you inform it
Had a few bubbles of yours i had to burst
But fair is fair
And you may or may not care
Your ******* got old.
And I was never sold
You're too soft and weak
But you growl like a lion when I speak
Acting all shady
And scream like baby
When it looks like thought stress
No, I don't need useless losers with heads of mess
Panic and shake
Fist and take
Grow up cupcake  
Stand up for something real
And stop being fake!
I refuse to leave the future in your hands for Gods sake!
You don't know whether you're coming or going
Left or right or as the winds blowing
So i owe you some advice
Shut the **** up
you useless whining ****.
I wish i may,
I wish i might give you a
Left, right GOODNIGHT!

her eyes sparkled bright
eyes see the truth of lovers
his eyes betray him

captured in your eyes
a searing instant
a thousand millennia and more
converging in that one acceptance
No where to go
acknowledgment of who we are
the sound that crackles through the silence,
surging through our skins
dancing promises of ages
patience, patience wait
love is waiting
in the universe of your eyes
unfailing warmth
deeper colors of pain and joy than ever felt
home in a glance
love in the flicker of eternity
woven though the aether of our souls
the fabric of love,
loose woven quintessence
soul songs meet their harmonies
by an unseen moon
on the corner of forever and never Stream
vivid consciousness resigned to knowing the unknowable
there is no escape
captured in your eyes
there is only time that refuses to go
as it never passes
without the cruelty of spending aeons hostage
In a searing instant
never leaving the constraints of now.

The time is comming
all muslims will be pushed out of their western suburban lives. The mass forced exodus will begin. Pushed out of thier homeland pushed back in and doubled. I see devastation on the massess. There are too many western countries.  Too many peoples to even lay a debt big enough. 140 souls compared to billions,  5000, to billions in all a nothing. 1.2million lost each year to car accidents alone and nothing changes.  Death is inevitable.  Many live it every day. Desensitization to humanity will transform the tender compassion into concrete perceptions of evil. The big business boys will still be big business boys. The poor and the innocent are the only to suffer. When the final division is made
The darkness will win. The peace of Islam completely shattered. For now Islam bleeds as the Christian Matyrs sing hallelujah Jesus is coming! for now is the end of days. The good suffer at the hands of evil as the custom demands and we count each martyr separated by denomination and none wrong. But none right.
Peace must reign as will the truth. We must all stand together in the face of every desperate act. For in the lack of love only the devil wins. The creator so loving watches as we do what we will with our God given free will.

Hold up

Enough of this bird drip

Wipe your nose and look up

Pathetic blind mice play 2 wise sheep

The artificial heart beeps

While yours bleeds

Your blood is coin

A fools folly of *****

Your child sacrificed

Cut to pieces and torn

Yet for the afflictedbstrangers you mourn

For animals you weep

Some to **** some to keep

Scientific lies poison your mind

Call the message fear

Call the message hate

Call the message division

God does not exist

Re-call the message

Re-call the message

Re-call the message

Fall asleep zombie

Fall asleep sheep

The lion sleeps tonight

The red dragon stalks

Green eyed monster

Gives birth to the invisible beast

A burden

Gray matter feeding artificial martyrs

You can do it yourself only you can't

You can be free only youre not

Poked with incessant panic

Prodded with incessant fear

Switch off

Recall the message

Recall the message

Recall the message

We are not saved in this world but the next

Unless...

so the sheets were warm,

you didn't give a ****.

you unwrapped me from the layers roughly without due care

and unsheathed,you grabbed and pulled the last modest garment

that reliquished so easily its hold.

and I know whats coming

strong arms pull me closer

forceful hips manouver

light lips part

warm breath escapes

your low voice whispers

have i told you lately how lovely you are?

oh yes you have but i say nothing,

you continue taking my cue,

I wish I didnt have to work today,

hands gliding down my sides,

face nuzzled gently against firming soft peaks

rough thumbs gently caress the hollows of hips

rising to greet pleasure

a soft kiss on the glistening silk threads

a glance at your watch,

a gingered withdrawal as you announce theres no time,

and the rest is

assured ****** untasted.

Tell the Sun to leave the sky. It is just impossible... If I had you, could I ever want for more? It's just impossible."

I live to forgive you
But i cant bare the stain of your touch
The sweet burn of your lips Will surely melt with my own
Why you have the keys to my soul,My soma, my mind, my hearts desire
Is a heartbreak that no lesson can learn
I left you in the dust when you took my soul
I live only to forgive you
 And let the rest burn
One sweet day maybe
ill give yours back to you,
Forgive me,
I can't bare the stain of your touch.

I havent thought of you all day.

till this second.

I had a lovely time,

the wet pleasant weather sending cool breezxes and light rain

relaxing in bed.

warm body snuggled up tight next to me

everything so beautifully perfect...

till this second.

I am, as a philosopher,  interested in all things and guilty of a charge if  it causing involuntary thoughts leading to indepth discussion and unfathomable parallells, materialises;

But none,  more so than you.
x

nature's awareness
put in a meaningful way
cut by irony.

Well, its been a hell of a week or two

and I dont know how I got through

there were victories and triumphs

I had validation from my friends and my bosses

but there were also many great losses.

other things happened too but I wont share them with you

I got cut by love and other matters this i'll confess,

I bought a tub of yogurt and honey and drowned my cares in creamy sweet mess,

I chucked the physio rules out the window

i was bad but It did some good though

I posted a pic with #nomakeupselfie to raise some dough

I ate nutella with a spoon, and bananas dipped with coconut sugar crowns

then I trained hard for blood ssweat and fears till my body went down.

I ran 100 kms and and went into high gears

I coached an under 9 soccer team for the first time in two years,

it felt great but I felt so unwelcome there though I saved my tears

I thought I killed that beast ages ago but apparently no.

Then the killer love that broke my spirits,

redeemed my soul , it all went missing and i felt at home.

the performances despite a lack of time went well

the raising of scripture in it against bullying was great as well

I ve been to hell and back and now its time to take a breath

write some soul scripts and send them out as well,

in Christ my word for agapi we can do all things

let the light of the world seep into all things!

have a blessed day and remember

everything changes and theres good reason its that way,

because nothing good and bad is here to stay

we just cant maintain those amplified feelings everyday.

we wouldnt be able to appreaciate what each will teach us today

life is interesting to say the least but so much better when challenging yourself

a wo/man against an unknown beast!

hugss SS

What else?

A tangled bundle of glistening threads

No hint of beginning, no end

What one thread looses

another one pulls,

The highways and byways of life

A stellar matrix

Star lit dot to dots

Jumping from one to the next

The riddle is read

But not in the way it is written

The answer is said

But not in the way it was given

Another black hole

Another pull form the inside out

I go there to find you

But by the time I get there

You are all hollowed out

Where did you go?

Where did I find myself?

How did we lose?

What have we found?

Another tussle

A pull of thread

And another journey

Beyond the veil

Dont say I didn't warn you

Sanity hangs by a thread

Only which one?