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Suzanne Penn Feb 2021
My older eyes
have been searching lately
through the crowds of people tearing up
My city

I understand
protesting
Hell...
I have protested a bit myself

I understand...
pushing hard
personally
I hate to be ignored

I myself have experienced
quite a bit of
prejudice myself
most of my life

And before anyone pops off
and tries to tell. me thats its different
and trivializes
my experiences

Consider this...
I identify as a an old (60)
Fat (long before it was trendy)
Gay (came out same year as AIDS)

My whole life has centered around
alternative lifestyles
that have not r will or ethical

I have never been able to blend
keep any kind of filter on my opinions
nor conform to authorities
just because...

All that being said...
you should also know
That I am loyal to a fault
and a fixer, maker, creator...

My belief system
is simple
I believe in Good and Bad
and Right and Wrong

occasionally, it becomes necessary
to cross over to the Bad and Wrong side
but as soon as possible return
to where you belong

I believe we are all born
knowing the difference
and how a person handles that
defines them

I have spent most of my life
helping those
who were considered "less than"
by the powers that be

my first real epiphany in life
taught me that fear
was the greatest motivating factor
in most peoples bad behaviour

my second one taught me
that manners , wit, persistence and patience
could head off 95% of those behaviours

my third was a difficult one
it made me quit using the wrongs done to me
as excuses for milking a situation
instead of processing thro them

When I gave birth
I knew innately
that my child was my one chance
to build a person as I believed they should be

That last thing I was going to do
was install "untruths"
pertaining to our behaviors
or perceived inherent rights

You see, moving so much taught me
that facts can change
but truth  is always the same
Yet, perspective is everything  

Now as I was saying
my old eyes
have been searchin the crowds...
And listening to the storylines

Unfortunately...
the majority are near misses
right ideas
wrong techniques

For instance...
how does one bring about
equality and inclusion
by separating and  blaming

I understand the anger
remember Gay bashing
was (is) a daily danger
yes Black lives matter
but so do all the others

I love my hometown Portland
a beautiful diverse conglomeration
of geeks, tweeks and freaks
with a sprinkling of weirdos ,wackos
and tightly wound wikinuts
add to that a high tolerance
for  the" to each his own"
school of thought

Micro beers and green ****
have fueled grand discussions
and deep conspiracy theories
but we haven"t decided yet

So  if you have the wear with all
to riot violently and demand attention
why is it that when you finally do
have the  worlds attention
why do you not make your point?

And clean up after your selves!
you trashed my home town
and scared the locals into submission
just to say nothing ,
walk away undramatically
and leave my home trashed in your wake

I've thought long and hard
and watched in the wings
for the golden hour to emerge
and have concluded this:

The time is right
The issues are right
The places are right
the leaders have yet to fully develop

it not enough
to see the problems
we must be able to visualize the solutions
and put down  the need to be right
while picking up the need to do right

Take the descriptive language
out of the for front
quit insisting we revisit old wounds
let them heal
All lives matter...period

Also make the rules
we are expected to abide be universal
in no ones world should it be ok
to **** some one because they don"t stop
when you tell them to and if you do **** someone
expect to pay dearly for it,

Just like when we were kids...
just because you can beat someone
doesn"t make you right
it makes you a bully

And finally one last item..
equalize leadership ideals!
Money does not make a hero
courage to stand up for rights does

Re-think our priorities... please!
Quit instilling  $$$$ as a value or ethic
it is merely a vehicle in which we travel
the actual destination is the goal
(ps)-( hint) it's much less fun alone

Keep in mind ... your manners
will get you further
than your mouth ever will
but what we need to be thinking about is  when the dust settles and we arrived at our destination
will we like  the place and people that are here too?

One last epiphany to mention
remember the pendulum
once things are stirred up and more easily rearranged
clean up the mess and set things down in a place that allows them to become common place.
because really our ultimate goal is to become a non-issue
Only when the issues are not even brought up
will it be successful
he"s not a gay man across the street
he just a man
only when we become willing
to be bland and "just another"
will we approach  balance
and  ultimate nirvana
Just an old gals personal opinion after a lifetime of fighting the good fight
Suzanne Penn May 2015
It is the times..
when there are too many thoughts
and the words
are jumbled on an exit ramp
waiting to get out
times...when words
just don;t work...
times when I need someone
who knows me well
to be there
and keep me safe
from myself
and my self destructive paterens
until I can move past it
and the words
start to trickle
and then flow
You may never know
how much I needed you
right then...
We may never know
what is it you saved me from...
but you did...
and I am thankful
and I can say so
now that words
again flow.
Suzanne Penn Mar 2015
I can feel the changes...
all around me.
Subtle in some,
drastic in others
...but none are left untouched.

I am kicking and screaming,
attempting to hold on to
... ghosts...
of those that once were
my foundation.

Even the closest...
Have unfamiliar sides emerging.
How silly of me....
to refuse to move too.
How arrogant,
to believe
that I would not be left behind
or made a fool
by holding on...

I am uncomfortable...
floating randomly...,
with no purpose...,
no destination...,
no sense of "home"
Suzanne Penn Feb 2015
I need to smell you...
Hold you..
Listen to you ...
With my hands
I want to **** your mind
And taste our memories..
.in my soul
I want to slap you on the ***
take the back of you hair
press any disbelief right out of you
I want to love you so hard
that I see that moment
when you totally let go...
As you stare deeply into my eyes
...and then eat chocolate.!
Suzanne Penn Oct 2014
"Elegance is the only beauty that never fades....  -Audrey Hepburn

I beg to differ...
there are many beauties.....
such as...
the intensely knowing glance
of someone who has known you... intrinsically...
The glance that let's you know
that there are things deep inside of you,
that have never changed.
It's the look that identifies
the links in your histories,
and that reveal your very core.
The look that says I still see you...
with acceptance and understanding...
That fleeting momentary look ...
whether seen throughout a lifetime.
... or a lifetime ago....
That look, acknowledges a basic truth of who you really are.
Acknowledges, that you are truly known...outside of yourself.
It transcends decades
and inspires
both fear and awe in me....
and I think that is beautiful!
What about you?
What moments do you live for?
What is your "never fading beauty?"
Suzanne Penn Sep 2014
The concept of enough
had been buzzing
around my head lately.
Who is enough? What is enough?
Where is enough?
When is enough….well…enough?
I puzzled indirectly, wondering…asking
…scheming … pleading …demanding ….enough
Enough time? Enough love?
Enough money? Enough Beer?
Well enough…never is.  
There is NEVER enough!  
Enough said!
Suzanne Penn Sep 2014
That tragic moment
when I finally settle down
and realize...
I am upset over the idea
of our relationship ending...
rather than the suffocation  of it.
We both had become
tired and lazy
and selfish with our
understanding
and withholding...everything
resenting...everything
It had been way too long...
since we kissed...
circumstances...
were extraordinarily difficult
from the very beginning...
never really letting up for very long
and they took a heavy toll...
eventually we each
spun inward
unable to communicate
without offences.
So...
We each began letting go
insecurities ran rampant
it became too hard too hold on
so we let go...
a little bit at a time
first, of our desire
then
our ability to believe.
..in Us
and  what we had
was special to be real.
No one got what they wanted
No one is solely to blame
To  me...
that is the true tragedy..
what we could have...
should have been
That is where
my true sadness lies.
jammed between
the should haves and could haves
I hope we each
find our comforts.
I wished SO much...
Believed so hard...
That someday I would find you...
That when I did
I didn't see all the cracks...
Now it seems
the search begins again...
I am left to find
someone like you.
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