-closer-
i want to hear your THOUGHTS
-unfiltered-
as your stomach turns to KNOTS
-grit-
your teeth until your jaw ACHES
-spill-
all your secrets when your brain BRAKES
-tears-
holding back but gather SHAMEFULLY
-regret-
those thick strong walls fell so PAINFULLY
-weights-
off your shoulders and now on your HEART
-pieces-
stolen from you like valuable ART
-emotions-
replacing the air you start to DROWN
-overwhelmed-
your body has begun to SHUTDOWN

im just tired
of the ****** consequences that
are just side effects to -life-

and im wondering
does pain really go away
or are we just finding new ways to -hide-

do you notice
that every time they ask if we are okay
we nod our heads as we turn the other -way-

can you hear me
screaming through my glossy eyes
because i can never find the right words to -say-

we grieve that we cant find ourselves//yet are perplexed as to when we actually became lost in the first place

sacrificed my own sanity
to live among humanity
expected humility
i guess that comes with reality
always ending in tragedy
resulting in insanity
forgetting my own identity
what happened to diversity
i guess that i will never see
the product of creativity
escape a safer fantasy
isolated in captivity
no remnants of community
where emotions become a disability
everyone losing touch eternally
only here temporarily

i was told that if i knock on your door
that you would answer with open arms
so i knocked
:no answer:
i knocked again
:no answer:
so i left for a bit
maybe you were busy  
or it just wasnt the right time
when i came back i knocked once again
:no answer:
you had to be there
i knocked until my knuckles got numb
:no answer:
i was told you were always home
my knuckles began to bleed
if you are there standing behind that door
then why dont you answer
:no answer:
cant you hear my cries for help
its raining now
or maybe thats just my eyes
im beginning to doubt that you are even home
am i even at the right place
i begin to pound the door
:no answer:
my arms are starting to feel weak
im on my knees begging
that the door would open
:no answer:
do you even exist
because if you do then what have i done
was i knocking too much
or not enough
too hard
or too quiet
:no answer:
i was determined now
to have you answer the door
days turned into weeks
weeks into months
and months into years
i now knock only once in a while
:no answer:
the knocks became less frequent
i cant remember the last time i knocked
i tried to knock again today
:no answer:

my blood
is like honey on bones
it drips down
like an ice cream cone

everything that we go through
is just a side effect
of what we went through

am i worth your time
maybe
am i a waste of time
maybe
am i isolated and closed off
maybe
am i trying my best
maybe
am i a work-in-progress
maybe
am i able to be fixed
maybe
am i overreacting
maybe
am i tired of going through this
maybe
am i sleepy
maybe
am i just not wanting to face the world
maybe
am i searching for a friend
maybe
am i searching for an end
maybe

but who knows

pigeons are so unappreciated
being the rats of the sky
they overpopulate the park benches
waiting for a crumb food supply

yet if you look at the bigger picture
isnt our species just the same
over populating social networks
waiting for a supply of attention or fame

and i use the word 'species' quite lightly
is human even an appropriate label
because most of us are so inhumane
compared to pigeons we are the unstable

pigeons just want food to live
humans live to want more
yet we are the ones shoo-ing them away
when they are the ones who deserve to be adored

i mean yeah they seem to be everywhere
but take a minute to look around
we are the ones causing the destruction
stuck on this filthy ground

they deserve this earth
and so do you and i
so next time you call any creature filthy remember
you are stuck on the ground as they are in the sky

replacing your alcoholic drink
lighter fluid should do the -trick-
i want you to feel the sting
your words are the lighter
your tongue is the -wick-

w o r d s    and    "phrases"        
they begin to         lose
              their [meaning:]                         and        and
if they are spoh-kun(n.)                  over       over       over     again.
    for  instance  the  "phrase"
hi, how are you    is only   s a i d      to      trIcK
   people  (into) thinking  that they are
actually
interested
       which the   probability of that is   l
                                                                    o                 t
w o r d s    are OVERUSED                      w.            n
            ||overused overused overused||            i
and -not-                                                                  o
     used with !!!caution!!!                         to the   p
         w    h    e    r    e
   they begin to   lose [meaning:]
all i ask? is to d'o'n't'    become the boy who
  //CRIED\     >WOLF<
but instead of a    ^^^^
                                           you used
w o r d s      and     "phrases"

brain is lonely
wanting to just burst out of its shell
and show the world its potential  

brain is scared
what if world denies brains offer
because brain is so confidential

brain wants peace
inside its world wars never end
and words are as powerful as bombs

brain is now numb
all the explosions dull the physical pain
yet brain has forgotten how to feel calm

brain is a convincing actor
always knowing how to play its part
in every passing situation

brain does not like acting
instead brain wants to be fluffy cotton ball
not moist squishy thought deformation

brain wants sleep
to be able to shut off at appropriate times
and have enough energy to even try

brain is sad
never getting enough of anything
and sometimes brain considers to die

accept your personality
except when you dont meet the criteria

accept your body
except if it doesnt look like the photoshopped models

accept your clothing style
except if it doesnt fit into the listed categories

accept your weight
except if its not in the doctors average range chart

accept your loss
except if it starts to bring others down too

accept yourself
except if you dont then i will

see the sun
its light bends around you
like how your fingers and smile do

see the moon
it protects you while you rest
and your dreams say thank you

see the clouds
when you are feeling fatigue
they shade your porcelain skin

see the flowers
as your lungs fill up with its aromas
it makes you instinctively grin

see the wind
its invisible however it can see and feel you
swirling though your silky hair

see the trees
giving you a perfect place to read
and also providing you air

see the mountains
they encourage you to keep climbing
making you feel wanted and precious

see the vines
they wrap around your delicate body
proudly hugging you underground
     breathless

eyes are like constellations; unless you know what you are looking for and looking at, they are just eyes

i live in a nothing realm. where i am temporarily frozen in a state of acceptance. yet not always approving or denying its
     assistance
taking only what i see gets absorbed into the list of unimportant information that rarely gets put to use. never pondering if it will decay or stunt the growth of my
     existence
i stood blank and emotionless. numb to the world around me. i was nonexistent in that parcel of a moment. for i am incapable of anything and everything that is unavailable to me in the now. only struggling
     resistance
it was once brought to my vacant attention to follow through with all of the insignificant. but evaluating the differences in what is and is not can be exhausting. not enabling me to demonstrate
     persistence
i can rarely display the emotions of what is appropriate for that particular time. even if the mandatory rotation of the earth was to choose to delay its turns for just a glimpse moment so that i can at a
     distance

one voice
no noise
why not
no choice

stand tall
still fall
pushed down
feels small

all hate
cant relate
where's love
only debate

needs care
you stare
help me
no fair

i cry
grey sky
you leave
good-bye