Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
I'm sorry.
Twas not my finger that pulled a trigger
Nor was it my signature that sealed the fate
Of an exploding bomb delivering destruction,
Death,
Loss,
Pain,
Suffering.
But I'm still sorry.

My sorry eyes have been blind but always teary,
Guilty,
Helpless,
Longing,
I see your pictures and ache to hold you,
Comfort you,
Soothe you,
Help you.
So sorry.

But I tell myself I need a car,
I need to save,
I need to eat,
I need to think of that trip home,
Christmas presents,
Next weekend,
I need the money but
You need to survive and
I need to wake up and instead of being
Sorry,
I need to be helpful.

We all do.
The world is going mad and we're watching it happen.
The ******* leaves,
Rustling outside,
The skip along the gravel
Making it scuffle
Like footsteps,
Your footsteps,
Teasing me.

Each time the noise
Falls upon my ear
My heart instantaneously
Beats, pounds
In my throat,
Suppressing the
growing lump which I've been
Trying to swallow for hours.

I don't know when you'll be back,
Or if you'll be back at all,
Your body will
But your heart seems to be elsewhere.
I can't deal with fights but I suppose who can? Some of us make it look so easy though...
Something about the woven leather
Reminds me of sandals you once wore,
In the garden enjoying the sun.
Your shorts and that old cotton vest
the one that was probably once white,
but Nanny wasn't around to do your whites anymore,
and so it grew greyer as your hair grew whiter.

The sun's rays danced through the waves of your hair
and into the garden,
Filling it with light, shining down upon plastic flowers planted among coloured stones.
Smells of stale cakes from bargain stalls and the sugar from flat lemonade in murky cups wafted out the back door and clashed with that overpowering cooking smell as you sat in your sun lounger and baked yourself in vegetable oil, cooking your Irish skin to a crisp!

The flower patterns of your walls in the garden and cast iron patio furniture,
The plastic mat that covered the carpet and always managed to trip us,
The halogen heater in the parlour and blanket on your knees,
The clumps of bullseye sweets in your locker and Quality Street tin of empty wrappers,
The damp and stale smells of the kitchen in your care,
The holy pictures and moving Jesus on the stairs,
The bath marbles we loved to play with and how they'd smash upon collision,
And the pink, silk quilt that enveloped your bed,
They're all pieces in the mosaic that illustrates your memory now and they'll never be broken.
I've glued them so tightly together it's as strong as your jaw!
Your jaw, always known to make eyes water when you'd turn during a goodbye kiss on your cheek and crush our noses! Even when we tried to approach with caution! But oh what anyone of us wouldn't give to feel that again, just to say goodbye and think we'd be over to the Bluebell to see you again.

So now I sit and look at the woven leather on my sandals and remember all the details, all the memories that are woven together to make you. Sometimes I wish I could click the heels together.
Bluebell
Bluebell
Bluebell
And be back in that garden, once more.
Just rambling memories that I never want to forget.
Close the door,
Firmly shut,
Hear it click,
Locked away.

Pretend I'm not here,
I'm nowhere,
For I'm not where
I want to be
So
I may as well be nowhere.

I can hear them outside,
Talking,
Laughing,
Love,
Happiness, it's never been so
Heartbreaking.

My heart is filled with joy for them
Yet yearns for the joy I'm missing.
Disappointment consumes me for my eyes
Are not supposed to be green.
Never have I felt so happy for someone
And sorry for myself.
When you're happy for others but feel sorry for yourself, even though you've no reason to because you're truly blessed you just tend to forget! Or choose to focus on the negative.
I took your ticket and
Pondered the number,
When might it be me?
Was a thought that I wondered
But now, as it seems, you want us to
Stay, not move on, just stay
As we are.

I thought I was playing a
Waiting game,
Anticipation of
Life
Linked in a love to be
Blessed.

Dreams of white
Danced round my head
And although I'm still twirling
It seems the music has stopped
And the wait is no more

For there is no other room
No other next level,
The door locked
And you hold the key

I could cry
Drown in tears
Try to swim through the keyhole
But I thought you were my ticket
Thought you'd let me in

I can't fight in the waiting room,
Nor beg you to move through
For if you wanted me, if you wanted to
You'd have taken my ticket and said
"I do too..."
My feet are planted in today,
But
My mind wanders into the past
And yet,
My heart yearns for the future.
You stood behind me, as we watched,
Hands cupping my face
As if they were holding something
So precious.

Your soft touch enveloped me and you leaned in,
Head nestled in my hair,
Kisses decorated my face,
My smiling face.

Your laughter filled my heart,
And all of a sudden I realised that my happiness
was from not the video we were watching but
The person I was watching it with.
Nothing overly ground breaking but a moment I don't ever want to forget.
Next page