Life in the concrete jungle
So busy
So cluttered
Streets and cars and flashing lights
The chaos makes my head throb
Walking down the bustling street
Something in me begs for a slow stroll
I push the urge back down
It’s not appropriate here
As the workers pace by me
Quickly approaching their destinations
I think about a future like that
And feel disgusted
Though it’s not right
Though it’s not acceptable
I need something different
One step in a new direction
Strolling where the path is not paved
I feel a sense of peace
Though others say no
I say yes
And continue
In the distance
I see a pop of color
Before my brain can even process
My feet move towards it
A flower
The most gorgeous being I had ever seen
Delicate petals gracefully moving in the breeze
Its sweet smell filled my senses with delight
Something about this flower drew me in
Nothing else mattered but this flower
Not the angry businessmen
Not the opinions of others
Just this flower
For the first time in forever
I felt true peace
Once my eyes finally tore away from the exquisite flower
I saw in the distance
Lots of flowers like this one
In a lush green field
I raced towards this field
I tumbled into the soft grass
In the company of the flowers
My smile grew on my face
A laugh escaped my lips
I didn’t need to go back to the city
I didn’t need to pace through the streets
Looking for some office job
I was where I belonged
I could stay in the flower field forever
How amazing!
Though some would call me silly
Though some would say I would find my place in the city eventually
I wouldn’t listen
I couldn’t care
I loved the flowers
And the flowers loved me
I was home at last

Father’s Day is here
A holiday I tend to dread
Scrolling through social media
Seeing so many great fathers
Feeling a bit like an outcast
Father
A stranger to me
Gave me half my DNA
And nothing else
Stepfather
Charmer
Narcissist
Mentally a child
It would feel wrong
To post the sappy picture
Write the sappy caption
Pretend there’s a deep relationship there
Father’s Day
Always unconventional for me
I celebrate my mom
Playing both parental roles
I celebrate my grandpa
Always showing me parent-like love
I celebrate my Heavenly Father
Who loves me more than anyone else
Sure
Father’s Day is isolating
But at least I have someone to love
Someone to celebrate

I hear all the time
People saying to me
“You’re so brave”
Am I?
I don’t feel like I am
People say I’m brave
For facing THEIR fears
Speaking in public
Holding snakes
Being constantly poked with needles
These things aren’t frightening to me
So I don’t feel brave
I hold a lot of fears in my heart
Some more trivial than others
Failure
Heights
Rejection
Bees
My insecurities play into my fears
Holding me back
Keeping me from fully experiencing life
I don’t climb too high
I don’t initiate that conversation
Because I’m afraid
So I don’t feel brave
Somewhere out there
Possibly in an alternate universe
Someone thrives on my fears
Loves to do the things that scare me most
But fears the activities I find commonplace
Are they brave?
Am I brave?

I feel like I’m on one side
Of a glass wall
The rest of my world
Is on the other
We can communicate
If we try really
Really
Hard
It is exhausting
“Why don’t you just break the glass?”
Easier said than done
When the other side
Has all of the tools
“We’ll break the glass for you!”
The rocks you will use
To break the glass
Will break me too
You don’t understand
What it’s like
To be on the other side
Of the glass