Generic poetry
And a Father who left me

Generic photography
And a Mother who I believe loves me

Fake friends, expensive brands,
Shots of ***** on the kitchen floor
After fumbling around,
Trying to forget about the day that almost killed me.

But how can you die, before being born?
Sometimes I imagine myself trying to commit suicide in the womb,
On the 8th month my Mother was pregnant with me,
The man who never sat me on his shoulders,
Never made my family breakfast,
And never brought me in to 'Bring your Child to Work Day',
walked out of the door and carried with him all the could-haves of my childhood.

Silent panic attacks,
No one validates,
Because they are silent
And not screaming for help
The way my eyes do.

Meltdowns after medicine,
Throwing up,
Being too loud and too proud,
Never seeing past the bedroom door
Because the days were just too much for me to absorb.

Not knowing how to be grateful,
Because all I see is dusk
And dark
And fear
And no light I've ever known.

As I watch the water in this glass
Sitting still on the coffee table
I think back to that day on the lake
When the water stood still
And the sun sank on fire
On the rocky beach where we sat
I, in my sundress,
You, in your board shorts and sliders
Which now makes me smile
With disgust at my youthful naivety
And sorrow for your advantageous attitude
That I know has gotten you in dark places
As I watch the unwavering solidity
Of the mahogany table
And its stains and grains and knots
I am reminded of
That long cold winter when the power
Was nonexistent for almost a week
And the snowbanks raised above
My front door
And how devastated you were that you could not visit
I consider myself lucky for those days
As I stare at these bruised wrists
Full of memories and unfortunate mishaps
I can't help but to be moved
And scared at the possibility of relapsing
Into that dark wormhole of depression
Seemingly impossible to escape
As I stare at this glass full of water
Still as stone on my table
I feel a single tear roll down my throat
For I am flooded with memories
And feelings galore
This glass of motionless water
Floods me with life

From the depths of my harshly
Used heart I sincerely thank you for
Caring in that unattainable way you did
Knowing just who I wanted to be

You always managed to remind me who I should be with
Obstinancy and
U*ndying fervor that left me behind

It's
hard
    to watch
        as
time
     simply

*disappears.