It's never been said out loud.
It's more of a mutual understanding
hanging heavy in the air
I don't want pity, I need clarity
Yes or No.
I cringe at the wait
Will you love me forever or let me go?

I search for anonymity
trying hard to avoid any bright, loud spotlights.
I strive to remain invisible
finding comfort in not being scrutinized too closely.
I struggle not to be found
for I feel such sweet melancholy
at being lost.

We're sitting in the same room, silent.
I don't specifically remember how we got here,
but I wish we could go back -- when we barely knew each other.
Now I feel betrayed and everything has changed.
You haven't noticed, but all my ideals have evaporated.
I spent my life with these expectations
my pride won't let it go.
Knowing that I love you more than you could ever love me
fills me with dread
Maybe if I say and do the right things I can change enough.
I can expect less.
I can be happy with less.
Other days I feel like you should go **** yourself.

Thinking about the vastness of space
makes one realize how insignificant
life can be.
Detachment from this wider perspective results in a temporary loss of realization
as small everyday concerns can drain the happiness
from this very brief existence.
Stepping back with a sigh of relief,
Nothing matters while staring up at the stars.
All here together for the time being,
a thought that brings reassuring melancholy.

I enter to see perfect smiling faces by themselves, with others, with places and things
Here is shiny and there is new with an underlining endless hum of energy
Scrolling is breathing; I can only stop it for so long before I’m gasping
I find myself competing with the perpetual perfection;
Wondering how their waist is so small, their teeth so white and their life so golden
as I sit in the shadow of my own depression.

It's easy to be deceived when lies  and accusations cascade elegantly from your lips.
Disguised as a warm embrace.
Perspective has now uncovered my mistakes.
I erased who I am with good intentions,
forever altered I release my grip.
I dreamt once of pure unconditional love -
It was bright and all consuming; endless.
I awoke with tears welling in my eyes.
For then I knew -
it wasn't of this world.