My counselor asked me
if it bothers me that she moved on
what appears to be quickly
and how I feel about it

It's a heaviness in my chest
and a tightness
and it keeps me warm
in the worst way possible
when I decide to look her up on facebook
or when I realize
she's getting ****** by someone else

I mean, it ******* hurts, man
it makes me angry,
and under the anger, more hurt,
but is there really any point in talking about it?
Because it's been months
and I feel like I'm getting nowhere

It just feels like
I don't want to finish this ******* "poem"

It feels like I want to call her a *******
for lying to me
I want to call her a ******* fool
for throwing me away
for apparently not caring about me
enough to even tell me how she felt

But for whatever reason,
I still think highly of her
I still wish she hadn't gone,
and in my broken, weak, ******* heart,
I still want her to tell me she was wrong

How is it supposed to ******* feel?

So I dance wrong
Too awkward
Not good enough
Whatever
You're unattainable
But
I never gave a ****
About your body
Your moves
The look in your eye
Because I had someone else
In mind
So go on
Twist your hips
Groove your body
I'll be right here
Listening
To the music
With her on my mind

You're a rancid ****
rotting my **** away
as I try to *******
out of my memory

I need just one person
To slow down enough
To see me
To find me
Look into my eyes
And keep looking
Not a glance
Put your hand on my chest
I'm thin, you can feel my heart beat
It beats for you
It beats for me
For what it hasn't found
For what will never be
Won't someone please
Cry with me?

She struck me not
As the one of the few
Her look
So different
Couldn't be mine

that you women on here
are beautiful
without being a creep?

Yeah, yeah I can...



You

are

beautiful

Take deep breaths to get through the day
Inhale, exhale, you’ll be okay

She loves you, she loves you not
Who gives a ****, man
Long as you get play

Toss the heart aside
You can live this way
What’s left is just fun
Consume, rinse and replay.

You know you’re empty
So fill yourself up
Take a drink
Take a bite
She’ll satisfy.
She’s always game.
Who? It doesn’t matter.
“She” is her name.

Be up front
You don’t want anything real
**** love, be cavalier
Just a fling, just for “fun”, just a feel
**** her, dude, make her your *****
Hit the back door if you’ve got the itch
What does it matter, it’s all for fun
She knows it’s over
Before it’s begun

And after the game
You can live with it, man
Feelings? **** feelings.
She clearly wanted it.
You know you wanted it.
Douse your heart with kerosene
And burn it alive.
You don’t need that ****, man.
This is how you survive.

Take deep breaths to get through the day
Inhale, exhale, you'll be okay.

Could I fall in love again?
The anger in my heart says no,
But perhaps it will soften enough
I must admit it's already doing so

Want to pass notes on my phone
Like we're in grade school?
Might be more fun
Than reading the safety guide
For this airplane
Plus, if the plane goes down
We're ****** anyway

He's probably one of the thoughtful,
He thought,
As he passed by the doors of the pained

Do you ever just feel like a depressed pile of **** but you can't tell anyone because you have to maintain your image but you'd really be okay with just dying because then you wouldn't have to worry about anything anymore including both what you feel like **** about and also your image

Why wade into this world of love
These bold words written before us

Reliving loss,
Expanding the internal void,
Igniting desire that need not be

Why not say **** the world
And carry on alone

You're like the shirt I try on at the store
You fit well, you're pretty nice, good material,
But why did the designer do that one thing?
That's just...weird.
Like really, this would be a great shirt
But now I'm just not sure
If I buy it, will I wear it?
I don't know.

How will I tell you,
With only written words,
What walks through this mind
And who hides in these chambers?

Your biggest smile
As you tell stories
Names I haven't heard before
Fondness I haven't encountered

I swear to god if you say I'm too good for you one more time
I'm just a ******* person

I'm smart, so what?
Am I not smart enough to choose someone who's good enough?

I've got a good job and I'm decent with money, so what?
Am I not allowed to share that with someone I love? Why the **** am I bothering with it then?

And now I realize
As I write
That I have my grandfather's heart
Papa, who I love
He married young
To a girl who had nothing
But big pretty eyes
A tough upbringing
And a tender heart
He fell in love
And he gave her everything
For the rest of her life

And that's why I loved this girl
She has big pretty eyes
And a tender heart
Had a tough upbringing

And she had my heart

If my appearance is hard,
Just keep your distance
If I come across friendly,
Run the **** away

Your fictional lives on display
You're in the chair
They're on the couch
And I'm on mine

You speak to each other
But you're speaking to me

Your wife cheated with her body
But so did you, with your heart
Now you're on the couch
And I'm still on mine
Welcome to the big leagues

If I died today,
This would be my story

A young man longed for love
He found glimpses of it as he spent time with several women
Once a man of deep faith, he lost much of himself as he turned away
At a parallel time, he held onto one of the women who never could have saved him
He lost his belief in love, but he still tried
He never understood why he was shattered
But in spite of being depressed almost all his life, things were never quite this way
He reached out to different friends scattered about different media
He tried to bare his heart for anyone who wanted to see
He wanted to be known
Broken relationships he saw everywhere brought tears to his eyes
He was tormented by death and the end of everything, so even connection he felt from time to time carried little meaning when he stopped to think
And one may have hoped there would be a happy ending, a comeback story, but he passed today
What will they say about him?
They may say anything they wish, but this is the truth of the life he lived

Now is the age where younger people are all
"oooh ahhh," you're gettin up there buddy
And later will be the age when they don't even ask
Better enjoy those jokes while you can

This is a tribute to you
The one who took me for a ride
From where I was
To the the rough waters beside
You taught me something new
We ****** rocked and rolled
A woman who needed to be taken
By no means ready to be a bride
But if I had made you one,
What a one you would have made
Wild on the inside
Taste like you've never seen
Zeppelin, Lorde, Bud Select
Or whatever's free
Pick you up and put you down
As you look into me
What man could pass you by
Once you've given yourself away?

As I kissed her,
I thought of you
With my hand around her neck,
I thought of you
She looked at me and smiled
She was really into me
I gave a smile back,
But I was into you

I saw you across the way
My breath taken, I could barely approach
Your gaze spoke,
"There's hope yet"
I knew the rules of the game;
I wouldn't take you home that night
You were more than a one-time show
So I held my breath until it was right
We connected, and you were mine
But to my surprise, the hope then died
The search began again
As I left you behind

When I go home,
I want it to be a place
Where I'll hear Papa say,
Yeah, Spike,
You can hug me as long as you want

If I were to fall in love again,
It would have to be the right person.
Or the one who broke my heart.

So he treats you like ****
and I'm left to guess
as to why you still love him
Is it the fact that in spite
of his apparent disdain
for your wants and needs,
he still gives you
his undivided attention
for ten minutes at a time
at the end of the night?

I can't hide these feelings
I'm not sure if that makes me
Honest,
Weak,
Or self-centered,
But I don't want to be here

Just about every day at work
I find myself taking a break
I walk up the stairs and down the hall
I go in the bathroom and choose a stall

Then I'm alone
And then I can cry

These were the best days
in the history of all;
the days when humans
began to conquer the world,
harnessing technology
beyond the imagination
of previous generations;
the days before
it conquered them all

Yes,
I'm older
Yes,
I stay up later than you in spite
Yes,
I have a nightmare all day in my mind

But put your hand here,
find the center of my chest,
and ease a bit to my left

Can you feel it?

If I wear the right shirt
Is that how you'll fall in love with me?
If I groove the way you like
If I nod my head just right
If I wear the right shirt
Is that how you'll fall in love with me?

I always see it from someone else's shoes
I don't think people are out to actively **** me off
I notify them of my displeasing,
and if they take it in a manner that is mature,
then I can continue to talk to them as adults;
Else, I ignore their requests
and act like a stereotypical chick with
answers you'd find in a ****** periodical
I want people to respect my opinions and
points of view as much as I respect theirs;
I'm always willing to change my mind when
confronted with evidence and understanding,
and I would expect the same of them
Does that make me so different from the rest of humanity?

As tears fill the corners of my eyes,
I realize I'm having experiences now
That my girl will never compare to
How could you compete with nostalgia?

What's fun about dancing
is that the way
you learn new moves
is by
making
mistakes

Follow through and see
what
you
find

I used to care about her every move
She deserved better than she got
I felt the smallest of her pains
Her biggest had me searching with my all
But the bitter taste left in my mouth
Has worked its way through my whole
Now, your problems are yours alone
Don't expect any help
If I offer advice, it will be cold
If you don't take it,
Don't bother whining to me again

Train of thought
My go-to writing style
I tell you what's in my head
You tell me how bored you are
As this plane ascends
To thirty thousand feet
(Or something like that)
I think about how
I'm not sure I'd really care
If the thing went down
I mean if it really happened
I'm sure I'd freak out
That's what humans do
But the idea of it alone
Not a big deal
No more worrying
No more wondering
Right?
Well, maybe not
Maybe what lies beyond
Is worse than what's here
Or maybe it's nothing
But I sure hope not
See? I'm worrying again.
And this is barely poetry
If at all
But you're reading it,
I assume,
For a glimpse into my head,
Heart,
Or soul
So I wonder,
Reader Unknown,
What is it you're looking for?

I do serious ****,
but I'm not that serious
or maybe I am
because you haven't
been where I've been,
or done what I've done,
have you?

I don't want to do it
like it's a big event
I just want to do it
with my own passion
and I want it to be
so good for you
and for it to be that way
every night you want it

You soothe me
I nod my head
Roll it side to side
As you enter my being
Wash over my restless soul

You perk me up
Brighten my day
Your subtle quirks
Remind me this life
Isn't always so bad

You speak to me
Whenever I listen

I love you

But, music,
You're only a feeling

And what I need is someone real

What if I stopped caring
about everyone
including me

What if I decided
it's not worth the effort
to worry
about what I
"get out of life"

What if none of the
cliché *******
love, self-betterment
mattered to me anymore

Maybe I could relax,
accept reality,
live and die,
and not give a ****
really not give a ****

No more struggle

It's getting late
I shouldn't watch another episode
I turn it off and grab my phone
Look through some old texts
In place of wasting more time on tv,
I'll cry about you instead

Yes, you're pretty
You're laid back, chill
Soft features appeal
Common ground, interests
We can talk in depth
On any given topic
We can take a trip
To a place we both want to see
You cuddle, my favorite
But where is my desire?
You have it all,
But nothing about you moves me
Except when I look at you,
I hurt
I'm not allowed
By this heart
It matters not who you are

I wait patiently beside the door
I heard the engine running outside
When will she knock?
There is no knock

I make myself a drink
It occupies my mind for a moment

I think I hear something
Could have been her car door
I head toward the front
Still no knock

I unlock the door
Lay down to wait on the couch
Perhaps if I drift off
She'll join me sweetly as I rest

I get your hopes up high,
And then I let you crash
My apology drifts by,
Worthless in the aftermath

Could you tell I'm insecure
by the way I dance?
Would it bother you
that I'm that way,
or could you love me in spite?
Given my emotional turmoil,
do I need to fix myself
before I can meet you?
And should I be looking for you,
or should I just wait?

What is your name?
And where are you?

Are you a sunset
With the gentlest clouds,
Full of calm vibrance
In which I will lose myself?

Or are you a mountain
With deeply defined features,
Full of wild life
Which I will conquer?

Whoever I find,
You will surely move me,
For I will not have you
Until this is true

Party as much as you can
Don't ever give up your weekends
to a partner who'll keep you in

Drink, Drink, Drink
Celebrate

You know it's not mature
to leave what you love behind

I see you
on this film roll
in front of me
22 frames
of you being
held
by him,
moving
in for a kiss

*******
melt this ****

I dream of you
My recent love
I visit where you live
You let me in
You're with someone else
We catch up
Have a little fun
It's time to leave
You say call ahead next time
Who knows what could be going on
I yell something
I sprint home
But I can't feel my legs
I wonder if they'll collapse
I done care, I just run
I arrive
My heavy breath carries through
To my reality

[To do: Insert something about going to work
and not doing anything else responsible
aside from paying bills]