The truth is bleeding out of my pores
And yet the feelings are all bottled up inside
I fall out of my skin, disappearing out the back door
Losing my mind, struggling to find the best place to hide
Running laps around the sounds of my own screams
Trying to decide which dreams I should or should not believe
Thinking that my life is no more than it seems
And these struggles I have are sent by the devil to deceive
It works; the lies, the hate, the pain that I'm put through
It makes me break down and I get scared of the truth
But the suicidal thoughts in my mind all lead back to you
And the tears that stream down my cheeks burn like a fire
That's bigger than all the flames of rage from my youth
It hurts; it builds in my soul before it pours out my eyes
Becoming rivers that flood my life with disguises and lies
I don't know how to make it all fade away, to disappear
Because it's more than I can handle and I hate to admit it
But it fuels my spirit and awakens all my childhood fears
Chilling me to my core, causing me to give up, simply quit
How do I do that? How do I commit myself to suicide?
Is that what I really want? Is that truly what I need?
Do I believe that my life is only my choice to decide?
And if I hide in the corners of my mind, will I still bleed?
These are the things I ask myself every morning when I wake up
As I stare at all the sugar settled at the bottom of my coffee cup
Then the caffeine hits me and I finally start to think clearly
What was I thinking? There is no way in hell I'll ever give up

Your words are crystal clear
But my loving dear,
This love we share, I seem to fear.

Your words sound so sweet
But the truth is my love,
You were never truly mine.

Our love is like a trapped bird
Dying in its cage.
Longing for that one last taste of freedom.

And now,
Just like every other love story
I must let you go.
Because when we love something too much,
We must set it free.

Embrace the madness watch what you become
A being of light radiant like the Sun
Witness empires fall..Kingdoms come
Tell the tales of humanity the wicked ones
No heaven can hold a heart so bold
Space I fold when tales are told
Chop it up..clean it..nicely rolled
Inhale..exhale..now I'm blowed
Witness the magic without the rabbit
You may not see it best believe I have it
Eat up Demons devour bad habits
Visions of violence taste the tragic
I have no limits I wear no chains
Not held back by illusion or mental strain
Pull plug on sorrow let it drain
Take every pain make it a gain
You see insanity has its perks
Mastering moments doesn't always work
Yet to try doesn't hurt
Possibilities are endless so I flirt
You see I can ramble on for days
Share Vibrations to get a raise
Combinations come in many ways
Tapped into a song that always plays
My soul is thirsty I need a drink
I look..I see what people think
Of course it's insanity I live on the brink
Only few get my Devils wink
So I sit writing lines
Dropping my thoughts like land mines
One exploded in the rhyme
Memories splattered throughout time
For once let the madness take control
Evolve pass boundaries of your soul
Embrace the obvious that makes you grow
Unlock hidden knowledge you already know..

you are
   so far
the only person
who made my eyes
fill with bright
shiny tears
   of joy
when we first met
like sea and earth
under a southern sky

a moment out of many
  shared forever  
crystal-clear
   untouched
by darker memories

          * *

You spent endless time
at your desk in the sun porch.
After your diagnosis we
turned the porch into
your own personal scrapbook room.
I could tell you didn’t
think about your disease
when you were in there crafting
because of how focused
you always looked when at work;

lips puckered out, oblivious
to the commotion of our backyard.
You were granted God’s greatest gift
to see the end of your
days as you wished.
You did just that.
The memory of you lives on
in all those whose lives you touched.

When you left we didn’t
know what to do with
the overwhelming heap
of scrapbook materials
you accumulated over the years.

They took up too much space
that could be used for other things
like furniture and storage.
Plus, they were hard to
look at without being
swarmed with empty
thoughts and sadness. But,
we didn’t want all these
valuable accessories to go to
waste, forever forgotten.  

When it came to deciding
what to do with your
leftover supplies, we knew
we couldn’t toss them out.
We wanted them to carry out
their intended purpose
just as you would have
had time permitted.

The Ronald McDonald House
in Minneapolis had an unused room
they were looking to fill—
we knew that was it.
We donated nearly all your supplies
there and now that empty room
is a scrapbook room bearing your name;
carrying on an important piece of you
so other families can
craft memories into treasures—
just as I carry a treasured
piece of you wherever I go.

Yesterday he asked permission to kiss her.
"When pigs fly!" she said, with a laugh and a scoff.
Today he marched in holding a pig with wings
Duct-taped on (so they wouldn't fall off).

He tossed it in the air, I swear it did fly
I know because I saw him kiss her goodbye.