I've always written my best romantic poetry
When I was suffering
In one way or another.
Thank you
For taking the suffocating suffering
And hiding it under your pillow
While you hold me.

Here I am again
Picking up the shattered remains
Of my already falling apart heart
Accidentally slicing a cut on my wrist
With one of the tiny little shards
The pain, such sweet heavenly bliss

It's not that I miss you, cause you were never really mine
It's not that I regret loving you, I'd repeat it every time
But my pain has caused you misery that I'm not sure I fully understand
And the guilt lays think upon you, much more than I ever had planned

It's that I had this single drop of hope,
That my wish to have you
Might actually one day come true
But no, just another impossibility
That I'd find love and truly be happy

It ***** my childish ways and innocence were ripped away at such a young age
The one thing you want more than anything, was the one thing they had to take
And I know it sounds silly, but I hate them more now cause I blame them that I can't have you
My nightmares will come when I finally sleep, unfortunately, waking up is a nightmare too

I guess it's time to change my ways, although I've said this time and time again
This chemistry, that I thought was different, better, was just all imagined in my head
A change of heart, a change of soul, a change of my mind and a lack of passion
So many things I can't change, makes it my fault then. Wouldn't it be easier if I were dead?

Its been a lonely bus ride home without you whispering my name
A weekend of whispering your name
A month of us teasing each other
Every day I'm thinking about you
And I finally discovered that I'm falling in love with you
I hope that I'm wrong
I hope that I'm not falling but flying
I hope that you're not my first kiss
Because to you trouble is bliss
I hope....

*That you're falling in love with me too

Thinking of the mountains in your heart that you try and hide so consciously,
Making it a point to return to them in the midnight,
A walk through the cragged surface again and a dream of the starry sights,
2 A.M in the night, dark outside, darker inside.
The slightest hint of light that catches the eye be an excuse for the sleep-deprived.
You dream,
You toss and turn.

The thoughts that meander through the lives you live, the alternate realities.
The right and wrong of every decision you’ve ever made tortures, you’re never safe.
You can see the slightest mistakes, the lumps forming in your throat.
You let your demons win, your mind an evil lair.  
The devils take up the spaces, the light escapes.
The eyes are sunken, but the mind still reckless,
Unapologetic  to the poor heart.
You toss and turn.

And when the heart pleads mercy,
Your body complies.
Curling up further under the blanket,
You give it another try.
Night after night, the same routine,
This life a long, lonely suicide.
The flashback, the memories, the love lost finds a space.
You toss and turn.

Sometimes I feel like we’re galaxies apart.
You, a big blue star in the heart of the universe
and I, a black hole,
exterminating everything in my path on my way to you.
Midway, I stopped and I realized that if I get closer to you,
I might destroy you as all the other stars I passed by.
So here I am, staying away from you as far as I can,
watching you from afar so I won’t ever touch
the masterpiece that you are
even though that’s all I ever wanted to do
ever since we met.
I watch you shine from a distance
as I starve myself from the warmth of your light.
I remain in the darkness,
quietly counting the light years between us.