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 Jun 2018 Jessica
Salmabanu Hatim
To know a character of a person,
Look
           At
                   His
                              SHOES.
My Mind - is not My own.

It is the sleepless nights,
the empty stares,
the half-hearted comments
the quickening breaths.

It is the clouded days,
the fizzling thoughts
the fear that is constant

My Mind - it is not.
 May 2018 Jessica
Neon Beaches
I just hurt everyone
I fabricate false truths like art
I weave them together like threads in a tapestry

A kind of poisonous performance art
I steal others ideas and use them as mine

Upon an alter I sacrifice friends to the abyss
And for what?
Who knows why

Long ago has my fire burned out
Its last sparks disappearing as I write

Too young am I
To cloud over with the sorrows of my past
My possible futures I’ve given up
Just to cry

Stuck like a record player
I repeat the same mistakes
I repeat the same mistaks
I repeat the same misaks

I repeat the same mstks

I repeat the same mstk


I repeat the same mtk



I repeat the same mk




I repeat the same m






until there are no more to repeat
and those that loved me
leave me

I fall in spiral
Endlessly into an infinite hole
Unable to stop

Yet it is me
I am killing myself
I can’t live like this anymore
But I know I will
No matter what anyone says
The last sparks of hope,
That used to blaze
An inferno in my eyes and soul
Mind and body,
Have died


lies
Along multitudinal channels
Infinite possibilities exist.
Yet all universes point to you
And in all, you're sorely missed.

The mind plays tricks on us
As the imagination interrupts
With a reality where we lie in peace
Without the surrounding chaos.

A present on the road in awe
Of nature's biggest achievements.
A present without separation
Where that restlessness subsides.

Presently the future feels like home
While the the present isn't real,
An author under a pseudonym
Or cliched red herring.

I fell in love with your mind
But ran away in mine,
I think perhaps you did the same
And flew away in time.

Still at home when you write,
Or text, or call past three am.
For now i lie awake at night
Hopelessly wishing for then.

This sometimes passing yearning
Falls quiet while I sleep,
Wish fulfilment filters through
And reality takes a leep.

Like the oscillation of electrons
Through expanding neural pathways
You fluctuate between hemispheres
Bringing split-second clarity.

Here I sit in false nostalgia
Wishing a different prologue,
Yearning for a different arc,
Longing for a life unlived.

Perhaps next time you sit there too
You'll adapt the narrative.
“The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there.”

― L.P. Hartley, The Go-Between
 May 2018 Jessica
Salmabanu Hatim
His sunshine smile,
Formed a rainbow across my heart.
I was unaware it had venom,
Till its fangs gorged deep into my soul.
I was battered and bruised,
By the storm of his hate.
Shipwrecked and alone,
I managed to swim to the shore of reality.
I promised my self,
Never to be prey to an enticing smile.
 May 2018 Jessica
Salmabanu Hatim
I asked for wealth,
HE  gave me wisdom.
 May 2018 Jessica
c
"Write happy"
 May 2018 Jessica
c
The other day I showed my mom my poems
"Why do you always write sad poems? Write happy." She says
I just nodded, but I couldn't tell her my code of secrecy.
I write so I can let all the pain go
The pain of yesterday
and the reason that was was that I didn't have anybody when I moved
Everybody was occupied
And on my first day of school, I ruined everything
my words were spoken in clumps
and my pen was my only companion
So I wrote
wrote like the ink was my blood and paper my skin
and poetry accepted my request of being a friend
now my poems act as a mentor and a tutor
I can't give up writing sad poems
because if I do,
I'll lose yesterday
 May 2018 Jessica
Z
Inner Beauty
 May 2018 Jessica
Z
she had a heart
that could light up the sky
she had a smile
that would brighten the gloom
on a winters morning
she had the laugh
that could remove all your worries
she had the will
To stand up for what is right

but she hid her beauty
beneath scarves and long sleeved shirts
covered for everyone not to see
that behind those mask and clothes
is an angel, too fragile for this world

her beauty remained hidden
until i told her what she had
that i appreciated her no matter what
even with flaws that she really never had

on that day she pondered and learned
that not everything is judged by the outside
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