It's true pain is beauty.
You see it in the shadows of her bright  eyes and in  the broken fullness of her laugh.  You see it in the fake-Ness of her smile.  Every inch of her struggles you feel though she tries so hard to keep you sheltered from it...and you fall in love with the beautiful chaos.

Ist's hard to fall out of love with him when you're constantly reminded I've just why you fell in love in the first place. You swore you would never say you fell in love again but you did and truthfully maybe you never really fell deeply in  love after him. Maybe you never fell out of love with him either. And honestly you're in love with an image of him...so whenever you see his image on social media the butterflies in your stomach fluster. The beating  of your heart races as every angry you thought you have a towards him disappear, every single one. Because maybe he was your first puppy love maybe he he was your first love maybe he is your true love and maybe isn't/wasn't and even though it kills you to be away and not know something inside you will forever be reminded of your love for him even if he'll never be yours.

I mean why would you want to date me? I'm loud. I like to start a fight just so after we can make up I know not every time will make up but I do know that every time we will make out. Funny. I'm depressed I'm in love. I'm not in a relationship to have puppy love I'm in a relationship to be in a relationship. No if ands or buts.I'm a handful but I'm not high maintenance. I'm a shipwreck at sea. I'm hell and high water. I'm a tornado on the house you grew up with. Someone who wants to tear down your walls to see the beauty in you so then I can tell you about it. Someone who will point out your flaws, constantly. But only because I hope to work on them with you hope to help make you grow, in my own..blunt..ways. If we hang out too long I might...probably...get sick of you. And if we're too far away for too long I get jealous, confused... afraid. I'm strong. I am independent. I am someone who does not need you and I am someone who will not always want you. So I guess that's the beauty of me. I am no perfect human Nor will I ever be the perfect mate. I am crazy and weird and fun. I am stressful and passionate and want relationship neither one of us will ever forget. Because in a relationship that's just who I am.

He used to sing to me
With a slow, meaningful , lull  of a voice that was calming yet painful to listen to him, because there was so much more than just the words.
I miss his singing.
It used to remind me I was alive. Reminded me I hurt...and that's okay.
But my music is gone.
I no longer can listen to a cover of a song I had never heard before but felt I had heard it a thousand times...or even when he sang with no real words...my heart would melt. I saw human in such a pure form...
He used to sing for me and take the pain away.

She wished to wear your 73 football jersey.
She wished  to see you smile with dimples so deep she felt her heart ached in their presence.
She wished to taste your tongue as it perused her teeth.
She wished to feel the warmth of your hand in hers as you walked down the aisles.
She wished you'd still choose her even though she knew you had began to look for someone new...
She wished to wear your jersey....
and she wished for you.
Yet, not one of her dreams ever came true.

once again I turn to poetry because it makes a broken heart feel better. It's funny how venting feels so good when you twist and turn your words to make a cozy blanket that can help you fall asleep at night. I turn to poetry because not only am I alone, not only am I in love, but I'm also happy. I'm depressed. But I'm confident, charismatic. I turn poetry because of the war between my emotions and personality since each one wishes to go in separate ways I turn to poetry because poetry comes to me.

How I feel for you.

My love for you was broken like the shattered mirror I drew on paper with my reflection was etched in its pieces. My love for you is hiding in the corner because my brain knows better than to let my heart back in my chest. My heart is the broken mirror as I draw on paper. My reflection girl who only wants to love when she can't even love herself.

How I feel for you.

My love for you it's like a beautiful meadow of roses yet I only get pricked by your thorns as I run through naively thinking the beauty of my love for you was two sided.

My love with....for you was only reciprocated when it fit you best because I loved you all the time. Every time we talked I let my heart creep back into my chest and let my brain take a break. Silly me? But you love me when you were alone when youneeded someone to be there for you and I have always been that person to be there for you. And I will always be the person who is here for you because I know my love is broken mirrors on paper and though my love is a meadow full of thorns, I know my love for you will always grow like the pretty buds at the top of the stem as it digs deeper into my skin, I know that in love with you I will always get to see a new reflection of me good or bad. Broken but whole.
My love for you warms and breaks my heart and I would go through it a thousand times just see your smile just to be there for you when you needed me just save you from being LONELY.BECAUSE I love you And for  me right now the hope you may be loving me back is enough to get me through the hellish day is all I need.

One day someone will love me the same. Someone will have a love for me so strong so influenced by infactuation and the time spent together but for I will notice because iknow that struggle and for you I'll be gone....