I Fell Into An Unknown Trap; Never Will I See Beyond The Wall In Front Of Me. I Had A Dream About Lights; They Filled The Darkness In My Heart..

and yet....
    everyday
I   F
       A
           L
         L
    deeper
Into Your Eyes
      Into Your Words
             Into Your Voice
    The feelings my heart.
            and mind
      have created
Leave me very little choice
          I cannot control
   the musings in my soul
        the desperation in my heart
     or the erratic thoughts in my mind
           That keep tearing at my insides
      Making me want to fall apart
                perfection
                         =
                      you
      Especially, in regards to me
I just wish you could see
          I know I sound crazy
     But, sometimes we just can't help
            how we feel
       It's too much to ask of you
   But I'm a fan of the truth
          and I know these emotions
      that I'm trying to conceal
          desire
               chemistry
                      love
        they're all real
  I tried and tried and tried
         but I just can't control
            what's deep in my soul
     and how my heart feels...


Just thought you should know...

Rain crashes over me in waves
             Downing me in sorrow
       But it's not water, it's tears
Filling up the empty places
                    In my soul
  And a heart I didn't know I had

    Blasphemy! Dry those tears!
That kinda thing ain't needed hear!
                    You're strong,
             You're beautiful,
                      You're smart
   Wipe away those pesky things
      And listen to your heart.

           But I can't breathe,
      I'm shaking violently
   As the flood surrounds me.
           How can I escape?
  How could I just wipe them away?
      I'm weak, I'm dumb, I'm ugly
                  Can't you see?
The tears of sorrow are here to stay.

     You are what I say
           And you know it's true.
What's gotten into you?
   No man or thing is worth a single drop
Let alone, a downpour that could drown you
       All this madness has to stop
                I could help you
      If you do what I tell you to.

There's no help for me,
          My chest is overflowing
    With tears, rotten flowers,
            And dark, ***** shadows.
      The past is within me,
    I can't seem to forget or let it go.
          There's no point to the argument,
     I've already given up hope
You're just the part of me that
          Refuses to believe that's so


             **~ To Be Continued ~

No more time to waste
   time to put on my game face
The last battle is already won
       But this war
  Has only just begun
              Knives are thrown
   Screams and echoes
            Bounce off the walls
     Gun blasts and back fires
         my mind's too small
  Tight rope waking on electric wires
              Walls cave and bombs burst
The enemies yell out a curse
         This isn't as bad as before
  The blood and bodies cover less of the floor
            could've been worse?!?!
      I'm not really sure
  Too many ideas, too many discoveries
           Horrid lies told to me
     And lies I've told myself
  It's a mysterious battle in my mind
         My life is at stake
                  Isn't it strange?
        It's not fake, it's not a game
   Lives and souls are lost
        The ultimate cost
            But my mind rages on
  With this battle that cannot be won
          I'm tired, I'm burned out
   And the war in my mind
         Has only **just begun

There is no whiskey in his room tonight...

Instead,
There is a half-empty glass of-
Rock shandy, Pepsi-cola, Dr.Pepper,
Or something black.
Something minuscule,
even though he has not sipped from it.
He has not looked at it- his tongue
Was only dry for two minutes before he
Locked the door.
For the only presence that made it hard for him to swallow
Was in the form of something that he was still trying to release...
at 2AM.
Release at 2AM.
There is a typewriter in front of him and he is feeling as permeable as
The glass that is sitting next to it.
'as permeable if it had a closed lid made up out of carbon' he thinks.
'Closed lid', 'Carbon',
'Closed lid'
He does not know what to type.
As distance diminished it's existence throughout the years,
He began to realize that Letters were starting to transform themselves
Into Diary-Entries and vice-versa.
The art of belittling seclusion through the method of fictionalizing himself
Was turning more into a hobby than an art and
he did not know what to do except to accept it as a tragedy
That nobody else needed to know about.
"Tragedy:" he types.
"I don't know how to forget about you."
'And etcetera,' he thinks.
In his minds eye he sees a girl in a school far away.
She's holding a camera and a textbook and a picture of a boy
That isn't him.
She's walking into her new life and one day she will go a week without
Thinking about how it feels to know interest and feel it shared
from someone who thought it never existed.
One day she will go a week without thinking about the boy who stared at empty pages
And wrote letters about bitter meals that his tongue thought could never be tasted.
One day she will go a week with just the thought of how glamorous a life spent alone is...
Before she meets someone there...
Who will make her taste something that is less bitter than him himself.
'I hope that's where my story ends.' He thinks.
And then imagines himself embedded into
Dark bitter things.
(Tobacco, caffeine, dark chocolate.)
He sighs and stares at the words he has already typed.
He can imagine these bitter things spilling into his glass and changing its taste with each
little drop.
"You were dead to me before you even walked out of the door..." He decides,
And puts it onto the paper.
He lifts the glass and takes a sip and then puts it back down again.
'One day she will go a week without thinking about me..."  He thinks.
Release at 2AM.

Now I notice
how your eyes burn
blowtorch-blue
when you look at love
looking back at you.

they could cut
through iron bars;
set free
the wish to settle down,
caged within men like me.