You give me purpose
but I can't live up to it...

i know you're out there
maybe painting poems
using hues thru journeys
on your life canvas

while you're strolling through
the decadency of 'ups and downs'
a chess piece once called blue
hope you'll be back around

i'm writing this memoir
in hope you can hear these lines
in hope you know,
i hope you are foreverly alright

𝐵𝓊𝒹𝓈 𝑜𝒻 𝓂𝒶𝓎,
𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝓈𝓊𝓂𝓂𝑒𝓇'𝓈 𝒹𝒶𝓎
I feel best in my strawberry dress
It's stupid, really
all glee and smile
gee, I acted like a child
It's stupid, really
I thought of nothing
but of my love for you
Godd-mn,
𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘦,
𝘪𝘧 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘰𝘭?

And if it weren't for those times
where impediment
was all I can speak of,  
𝚖𝚢 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎, 𝚠𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚍,
𝚠𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚋𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚌𝚎
𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛
synthesizing
my weathered hyacinth
into a 𝕘𝕠𝕝𝕕𝕖𝕟 𝕕𝕒𝕗𝕗𝕠𝕕𝕚𝕝
resided by the lake
of your
evergreen field

Be it 𝕎𝕠𝕣𝕕𝕤𝕨𝕠𝕣𝕥𝕙, 𝘍𝘪𝘵𝘻𝘨𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘭𝘥,
𝒮𝒽𝒶𝓀𝑒𝓈𝓅𝑒𝒶𝓇𝑒, or 𝚁𝚞𝚖𝚒
No sonnets on earth
is as beautiful
is as grandeur
as God-made poetry;
You.

And all my friends laugh at me
All those sleep calls for an alarming ending
All those happiness that I leave
I leave, I left you

The sky's been dreary ever since
February feels never-ending still
I'm here with all clouds of guilts
I can't help missing you out for a reach

Hey, I hope you're doing okay
I hope life treats you better than I do
I love you....
It's true

Hey, don't you feel a pity for me
Don't worry whether I'm eating or not
I'm not yours to care no more...
No more distraught

Every billboard signs spell out your name
you'rE a common Lanky guy
It's hard to Just erase you from my brain
American-made, cHestnut hair, amazin-graze

Green, the grass they're dewy
Like sundates when you were with me
Your eyes lit up a spark of my life
And I burnt your dreams to the ground

I know now, it's life...that's how
We love, we toss and we turn
I turn into something you can't comprehend
I still keep you in fond remembrance

Hey, I hope you're smiling today
It's June, you'll be okay
Sun will shine your freckles again
Without any loss, what's to gain?

Hey, I hope you're laughing with them
May you always stays the same
Love hard, and passionate
All in for someone's worth it

Dungeons-hunting
Treasures-looting
Time, space, and circumstances
Faith, rules, and regulations

No more play and pretend...
Sorry I outgrew your basement
Life full of adventure...just not for me
I can't be forever 19, there's responsibilities

I'm not as priveleged
Life's not as easier on me
You get to still be the same ol' you
But I need to always be brand new

It's a cinch to sever ties, holding your hand
Running and go leave it all behind
But I'm a survivor,
Do or die, I have to fight for my life

You said it's my life to choose
Who cares about people's and currencies
Who cares?
Well, I do

And I have people I love too,
Even if all I inherit is just bruise
And I'm sorry I didn't choose you...
I love you, it's true
It's still true

I went to beautiful places
with you by my side
Basked you and I
in glitters of the sun
Ephemeral longing
like a riptide
it was shortwhile
and I don't know why
you come off a little bit shy,
tryna hide
that little little smile
but I know,
I know it's time
for me to open up
my eyes.

I've waited for you
for my whole life
Almost eighteen,
and I'm tryna love myself

I'll keep on hoping,
put my love on the line
'cause love don't come running,
they arrive just in time

I've longed for you
for all the times I could remember
Those future memories with you,
are what keeps me going further

And my faith
is getting less blind
'cause I believe soon you'll arrive,
maybe in a year or five

I've prayed to God
for your descendant
Through times of
storms and tribulations

When things gets hard,
I'll be just fine
'cause I know you'll arrive
and it'll all be alright

I'll wait for you
for far more times
I'll lurk out the windows,
just give me the sign

Five years
of caged butterflies
and one day
you'll come arrive.

Half-weight from battlefields frontline
defending your honor
like it's my homeland;
And you say that I never fight...
every single time
that I am everything,
everything...
but gallant

Let's talk in poetry
dream of make-believes
You don't have to impress me
Your existence, already notably succinct

I'm writing a book about you
and I won't give it to anyone else
It's good to let anyone be in your shoe
but what's the point in losing yourself?

So you know that everyone
deserves a second chance,
but do you know that everyone
means that you too?

Please stop scarring your thighs
Let me wipe the tears in your eyes
You still got a journey of a thousand mile
Let's take a step and walk it with me

they say grief is a silent breeze
like a pang of chill air on tuesday evening
when it pierce right through like a bullet
all strengths coalesced into a collapse

it would be the last thing in my mind
that blue charcoal dimming the february sky
3 months of lovers, how fast they expire
i always wonder, will it actually be alright?

summer come through, late of june
a boy is the last thing my head fixed upon
a soulmate, let alone, when im far from home
must human nature resent process of progress?

now i am walking in the sand, bare feet
i dont even like the beach,
but im too down to climb something i cant even reach
and im too upright to succumb to a fatal destiny

solitude is the best remedy
for only i get to listen to me
in midst of voices and screams, lies clarity
hold on to that wisp of reasons for its sanctity

a theatrical life,
we choose the roles and scenes
it get hysterical at times,
we think we're small when all's but a big screen

i am twenty two and this is maturity
tears fell, chin up and greet everybody
homesick is not a disease
i still get to laugh, i still get to live

crying because the weight of my mother's smile
toughening because of my father's vulnerability
ridiculous jabbers my brothers gone through
all part of what makes me, me

and gratitude is a warm blanket
like a comforting hug on a friday afternoon
when it tug your heartstring,
a hopeful future embrace within

i am thankful for the life i've lived
the good, the bad and everything i've yet to credit
bravery has its own merit
so i'll have a forward courage to live...and believe

a belated gift;
i am celebrating me

Fair flair,
black hair
I've sought him everywhere 
and now he's right there

Almond eyes,
warm smile
I'm a dim light
but he makes me shine

Hard wrists,
soft lips
I'm a red-rose cheek
'cause he's so unique

Blue shirt,
witty words
My last and my first
for the better and for the worse.

When you finally
make up your mind,
don't you worry about me,
I'll be fine

Moving on
is something I've been doing
my whole life,
so I'll be fine, I'll be fine.

The red I see on these cheeks
is made from the very same red on your sleeves
a piercing bravery indeed,
a significant tribute to weep

The blue I see on this sky sheltering us
is brighter than the shades of blue you were feeling
when leaving your loved ones to the battlefield,
but the sorrow and grief of seeing your falling
make us stands with unity,
brought us together like beautiful autumn leaves

The yellow I see in this sparkling sunlight
is the same yellow,
the very kind of glow
that you put on our faces with your upbringing,
for you marched your way in
with peace instead of calamity

The white I see on this coat I'm wearing
is made out of purity and safety you gave us
Your sacrifice, your woeful plight
is the reasons for our independence,
the very reason that make us invincible

I'll protect you of your hopes and will from being taken ill
And in turn of your treacherous path, a one risky feat,
rest assure comrade,
this sacred ground is still as lucky
you can forever and always rest peacefully.