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3/9
izzn Sep 2020
3/9
In an ocean of people,
keep on floating.
izzn Jan 2021
love, what does it good for?
I'm searching for the enthrals
I've been dying...
I've been falling...
deep in the abyss of faded loves

hurt, ain't that what we all feel?
a small price to pay for a living in return
I think that bad comes in tides
cascading through the walls
and tarnish what's already broken inside

longing, longing, I've been waiting for you
sipping, drinking, sleeping
from the dawn till afternoon
u can take all the time you want to come here
'cause I'm numb, yeah all this pain now,
is what I'm used to
and by the time you knock,
I'd be so far away from home,
who knows after all this time,
it's not that hard
to find the joy in dancing alone

thrilling feeling reeling through the ceiling
I've been feeling lesser of a human being
I know I should be myself,
but I'm still tryna figure out
who the hell is she
hope she doesn't sing
the same anthem as me
or act as if she's some kind of
mystical canary

it's 4 am
I'm deluding again
I try to try to be sane
everything
is haunting me again
everything
is daunting me again
everything
is spinning me
out of the orbit
too far to catch up with,
lying on this concrete still

maybe this is all just a dream.
izzn Aug 2020
Being alone
can feel so lonely sometimes,
so won't you
be alone together
with me?
.
izzn Mar 24
since i was a little girl,
i've been a very good actress
earlier in life, i was a golden girl
way ahead than my peers, a shining over-achiever
good in being too much, too much unlikeable

in my teenage years,
i played the role of misery
with grey clouds hanging over my head
custom-made puddles beneath my feet
and hand-drawn cross-stitches on my left wrist

through the end of adolescence,
i starred in a star-crossed romance
in which i was a frustrating lover
the "always leaving others" lover
the "you will only understand my action when we're in our 40s" lover

now that i am a 2 years old adult,
i am acting like a lost child in a big playground
mind spiraling down the slide
shaky judgements on the see-saw
the fool climbing the monkey-bar

man, i am such a star...
izzn Dec 2020
withering smile
fractured skin
dimming moobeam
hinting
tragedies

i grab a pen
and a napkin
cut my words deep
until i bleed
poetries
basked in poetries
soak up in blood
this'd be the death of me
and it hurt me,
hurt me so good.
izzn Jul 2019
In the heat of this summer
that feels like a December,
My coffee tastes sweeter
through these salty briny tears.
izzn Dec 2020
𝘰𝑛𝑒 𝑠ℎ𝑒𝑒𝑝, 𝘵𝑤𝘰 𝑠ℎ𝑒𝑒𝑝𝑠, 𝘵ℎ𝘳𝑒𝑒 𝑠ℎ𝑒𝑒𝑝𝑠
𝝪𝝤𝗨 𝗖𝝖𝝢𝗧 𝝖𝗟𝗪𝝖𝝪𝗦 𝗗𝝤 𝗧𝗛𝚰𝗦 𝗧𝝤 𝗠𝗘,
𝚰'𝗠 𝝖 𝗚𝗥𝝤𝗪𝝢 𝗠𝝖𝝢 𝝖𝗟𝗥𝗘𝝖𝗗𝝪!

𝘵ℎ𝑒 𝑐𝑙𝘰𝑢𝑑𝑠 𝑙𝘰𝘰𝑘 𝑠𝘰 𝑛𝑖𝑐𝑒 𝘵𝘰𝑑𝑎𝑦, 𝑠𝑘𝑦 𝑖𝑠 𝑠𝘰 𝑏𝑙𝑢𝑒
𝗟𝝤𝝤𝗞 𝝖𝗧 𝝪𝝤𝗨𝗥 𝗩𝝤𝚰𝗖𝗘,
𝗪𝗛𝝤 𝗗𝝤 𝝪𝝤𝗨 𝗧𝗛𝚰𝝢𝗞 𝝪𝝤𝗨'𝗥𝗘 𝗧𝝖𝗟𝗞𝚰𝝢𝗚 𝗧𝝤?!

𝑖 𝑤𝘰𝑛𝑑𝑒𝘳 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝘵 𝘵𝑖𝑚𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑖𝘵 𝑛𝘰𝑤
𝗙𝝤𝗥 𝗧𝗪𝗘𝝢𝗧𝝪-𝝤𝝢𝗘 𝝪𝗘𝝖𝗥𝗦, 𝗙𝝤𝗥 𝗧𝗪𝗘𝝢𝗧𝝪-𝝤𝝢𝗘 𝝪𝗘𝝖𝗥𝗦,
𝚰'𝗩𝗘 𝗕𝗘𝗘𝝢 𝗗𝝤𝚰𝝢𝗚 𝗘𝗩𝗘𝗥𝝪𝗧𝗛𝚰𝝢𝗚 𝝪𝝤𝗨 𝗧𝝤𝗟𝗗 𝗠𝗘 𝗧𝝤, 𝗪𝝤𝗪!

𝘵ℎ𝘰𝑠𝑒 🝡𝑖𝑒𝑙𝑑𝑠 𝘰🝡 𝘨𝘳𝑎𝑠𝑠 𝑙𝘰𝘰𝑘𝑠 𝑠𝘰 𝑠𝘰🝡𝘵
𝝪𝝤𝗨 𝝖𝝢𝗗 𝝪𝝤𝗨𝗥 𝗘𝗫𝗣𝗘𝗖𝗧𝝖𝗧𝚰𝝤𝝢𝗦, 𝝪𝝤𝗨 𝝖𝝢𝗗 𝝪𝝤𝗨𝗥
'𝗪𝗛𝝖𝗧 𝗪𝚰𝗟𝗟 𝗣𝗘𝝤𝗣𝗟𝗘 𝗦𝝖𝝪? 𝗪𝗛𝝖𝗧'𝗗 𝗕𝗘 𝗧𝗛𝗘𝚰𝗥 𝗧𝗛𝝤𝗨𝗚𝗛𝗧𝗦?'!

𝘰ℎ, 𝘵ℎ𝑎𝘵 𝑘𝑖𝑑 𝑎𝑛𝑑 ℎ𝑒𝘳 𝑚𝘰𝘵ℎ𝑒𝘳, ℎ𝘰𝑤 𝑛𝑖𝑐𝑒
𝗪𝗘 𝝤𝝢𝗟𝝪 𝗪𝝖𝝢𝗧 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗕𝗘𝗦𝗧 𝗙𝝤𝗥 𝝪𝝤𝗨, 𝗪𝗛𝝪 𝗖𝝖𝝢'𝗧 𝝪𝝤𝗨 𝗨𝝢𝗗𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗧𝝖𝝢𝗗, 𝗪𝗛𝝪 𝗖𝝖𝝢'𝗧 𝝪𝝤𝗨 𝗚𝗘𝗧 𝗧𝗛𝝖𝗧 𝗥𝚰𝗚𝗛𝗧?!

𝘵ℎ𝘰𝑠𝑒 𝑏𝑖𝘳𝑑𝑠 𝑚𝑢𝑠𝘵 𝑏𝑒 ℎ𝘰𝘵 🝡𝘰𝘳 🝡𝑙𝑦𝑖𝑛𝘨 𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑒𝘳 𝘵ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑢𝑛 🝡𝘰𝘳 𝑤𝑎𝑦 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝑙𝘰𝑛𝘨
𝝤𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗥 𝗣𝗘𝝤𝗣𝗟𝗘 𝗗𝝤𝝢'𝗧 𝗗𝝤 𝗧𝗛𝚰𝗦 𝗧𝝤 𝗧𝗛𝗘𝚰𝗥 𝗖𝗛𝚰𝗟𝗗𝗥𝗘𝝢,
𝗪𝗛𝝖𝗧 𝝪𝝤𝗨'𝗥𝗘 𝗗𝝤𝚰𝝢𝗚 𝚰𝗦 𝗪𝗥𝝤𝝢𝗚!

𝘵ℎ𝘰𝑠𝑒 𝑚𝘰𝑢𝑛𝘵𝑎𝑖𝑛𝑠...ℎ𝑚𝑚 ℎ𝑖𝑘𝑖𝑛𝘨 𝑠𝘰𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑠 𝑛𝑖𝑐𝑒
𝝢𝝤 𝗪𝝤𝝢𝗗𝗘𝗥 𝗛𝗘 𝗟𝗘𝗙𝗧 𝗨𝗦, 𝚰𝗧'𝗦 𝗕𝗘𝗖𝝖𝗨𝗦𝗘 𝝤𝗙 𝝪𝝤𝗨𝗥 𝗙𝝖𝗨𝗟𝗧,
𝝪𝝤𝗨 𝗙𝝖𝚰𝗟𝗘𝗗, 𝝖𝝢𝗗 𝝢𝝤𝗪, 𝗦𝗘𝗘 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗣𝗥𝚰𝗖𝗘!

𝘵ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝘳𝑖𝑣𝑒𝘳 𝑖𝑠 𝑠𝘰 𝑐𝑎𝑙𝑚...𝑤ℎ𝑎𝘵 𝑖🝡 𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑒𝘳𝑛𝑒𝑎𝘵ℎ 𝘵ℎ𝑒𝘳𝑒 𝑙𝑖𝑒𝑠 𝑑𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑙𝑦  𝑐𝘳𝘰𝑐𝑠?
𝗛𝝤𝗪 𝗗𝝖𝗥𝗘 𝝪𝝤𝗨, 𝝪𝝤𝗨 𝗖𝝤𝗨𝗟𝗗 𝝢𝝤𝗧 𝗘𝗩𝗘𝝢 𝗖𝝤𝗠𝗘 𝗖𝗟𝝤𝗦𝗘 𝗧𝝤 𝗛𝚰𝗠,
𝝪𝝤𝗨 𝝢𝗘𝗩𝗘𝗥 𝗧𝝤𝝤𝗞 𝗟𝗘𝗦𝗦𝝤𝝢 𝗙𝗥𝝤𝗠 𝝖𝝢𝝪𝗧𝗛𝚰𝝢𝗚 𝗪𝗘 𝗧𝝖𝗨𝗚𝗛𝗧!

𝑚𝑎𝑦𝑏𝑒 𝑖🝡 𝘵ℎ𝑒𝑦 𝘵𝘰𝘰𝑘 𝑎 𝑏𝑒𝘵𝘵𝑒𝘳 𝑐𝑎𝘳𝑒 𝘰🝡 𝘵ℎ𝑒 🝡𝑙𝘰𝑤𝑒𝘳𝑠,
𝑖𝘵 𝑤𝘰𝑛'𝘵 𝑤𝑖𝑙𝘵 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑤ℎ𝑖𝘵ℎ𝑒𝘳 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒 𝘵ℎ𝑎𝘵,
𝑚𝑎𝑦𝑏𝑒 𝘵ℎ𝑒 𝑤𝘰𝘳𝑠𝑒 𝑐𝘰𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑏𝑒 𝘳𝑒𝑣𝑒𝘳𝑠𝑒𝑑 𝑖𝑛 𝘳𝑒𝘵𝑢𝘳𝑛...
"""𝗖𝝖𝝢'𝗧 𝝪𝝤𝗨 𝐉𝗨𝗦𝗧 𝗙𝗖𝗞𝚰𝝢𝗚 𝗦𝗛𝗨𝗧 𝗨𝗣 𝗙𝝤𝗥 𝝖 𝗠𝝤𝗠𝗘𝝢𝗧?!"""
a long way home
izzn Mar 3
you coax me in my turbulent nights
you keep me tight under the sheets
you hold me through the days
you let me rest and relax
you tell me to be carefree
you showed me freedom
you made me rest my pieces
that no risk need to be calculated
or so it seems

little did i know
your stomach was kept full when i lose appetite
the midnight oil was burnt for the sake of your future
you trade my property for treasure
you drove my car, convince me i don't need a license
you turn my life around and make it yours
you overrun my house, made me felt i was at home

your comfort, safety,
the rest, time and space you offered me
was your building blocks to a self-made reverie
a better bigger you, and the little old me
you practise and practise
while i eschew all plans for you
you decide to rebrand everything new
puzzles and chess
and when it all collides
when i see what conspires
too late for the afflicted
****, i am checkmated
izzn Jan 16
.       .       .       .       .       .
.    .    .    .    .    .    .    .
drops and drops trickling
.       .       .       .       .       .
.    .    .    .    .    .    .    .
caressing my body
.       .       .       .       .       .
.    .    .    .    .    .    .    .
— A brief moment of clarity —
.       .       .       .       .       .
.    .    .    .    .    .    .    .
izzn Jan 2021
404 leads to your flaws
302 you perched from the dark
211 'cause you steal my heart
101 you got me all enthralled
500 when I see you from afar
220 honey, that's what you are
508 of you, I should be warned
381, well 143 is too typical
224 mad easy, 'cause you're so lovable
dedicated to no one in particular,
or at least
not yet :)
hehe
izzn Jul 2019
I'd never wish the worst of you.
I could never do,
or even think of that,
not after all the broken memories
that I thought to have shared
with you;

...but I'm tired of lying,
Lying to everyone,
Lying to you,
And lying to myself
You need to understand that
I can't lie to myself anymore

You swore not to tell a soul,
Yet you told them my secrets,
You acted innocent,
while playing the victim;
and when they didn't fall for your senile wiles,
you coat your rumors
with 'truths' of me
abandoning my moral and dignity

You said you're not like the rest,
Said that you're my friend,
even worse,
my real friend,
my only good friend,
...and I accepted you
as a best friend,
and put all my friendships
to an end...

It's excruciating
Realizing you want benefits,
not of my doubts,
but of my friends,
****** them like a robbery,
while I foolishly
whole-heartedly
genuinely
thought of the world for you;
....and so it was all me to blame,
it was me to shame...

but now,
I'm done with your tyranny
And like the song be,
I stole the key
and that was the last time
you ever saw me

I hope you find your place
But we could never go back
to where we used to before
And I still want to see you eat
though it ain't with me anymore

I had to leave you.
For you,
and for the good of me
And I need to go to where I should be,
Home of the allies
and not the tent of an enemy
I can't be the one to keep saying sorry
just to resolve the scenery
and you never apologize
but I forgave you already
even 'till this evening
You're you and I'm me

I can hear you whispering
that I'd regret this
as it is written
all over your expression
It is not my intention
to make you mad
but again,
why should I be sad
of losing a friend
that I never had?
The biggest crime of yours is that whenever I see your face, the memories rushed my brain so vividly, stab my heart impaling my soul. The biggest crime of yours is that you saved me just to dread me of it.
izzn Jan 2021
If I can't have your poems,
I'll just read all the comments you left;
it's the only way for me to
unmiss you...
but truly my lovely poetess,
how do you do?
:(
izzn Nov 2020
You give me purpose
but I can't live up to it...
izzn Jul 2022
i know you're out there
maybe painting poems
using hues thru journeys
on your life canvas

while you're strolling through
the decadency of 'ups and downs'
a chess piece once called blue
hope you'll be back around

i'm writing this memoir
in hope you can hear these lines
in hope you know,
i hope you are foreverly alright
there was a great poet here
but i dont see her around
skylar
izzn Apr 2020
Let the echoes in your heart
be the guide for your way home.
izzn Apr 2021
I remember Malibu
in indigo
The sky sheltering me
was blushing
all over the atmosphere
tryna hide the rose-oiled clouds
but to no avail

I remember Kiwi Land
in its coarse sand
The ocean dissolving itself
trying to meet the land
and I almost swam away
when You were giving me
the upper-hand

I remember KLIA
in the scent of marmalade
Citrus-fresh and borderlines citing
in every pre-departure
I'm an intricate mess,
I was flying
to the points of no return

I remember Manila
in the taste of gelato vanilla
My heart tasted just as soft,
but now I indulge in its bitterness
but even long before seven,
You are the One
that brings joy to my happiness

I remember Jeju
in the form of spicy bulgogi
Savoured upon me,
the heaven in hell I could not resist
for I lost myself in translation
over a trend
I can't keep up with

and I remember Medan
in its harmonious melody
playing the tune
of my awakening,
where the path led me
to the missing notes in my every song,
to the missing lines in my every poetry;

Turns out
the becauses
to my whys
has been You all along,
and that is my
epiphany.
To whom can a heart long if it's not its Creator?
izzn Jan 2021
I've waited for you
for my whole life
Almost eighteen,
and I'm tryna love myself

I'll keep on hoping,
put my love on the line
'cause love don't come running,
they arrive just in time

I've longed for you
for all the times I could remember
Those future memories with you,
are what keeps me going further

And my faith
is getting less blind
'cause I believe soon you'll arrive,
maybe in a year or five

I've prayed to God
for your descendant
Through times of
storms and tribulations

When things gets hard,
I'll be just fine
'cause I know you'll arrive
and it'll all be alright

I'll wait for you
for far more times
I'll lurk out the windows,
just give me the sign

Five years
of caged butterflies
and one day
you'll come arrive.
I just realized that I have this poem in my draft since I had just turned 17!
Might as well post it, it's 1:43.
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