Would you mind if I related a story to you
about how my headphones picked me up when I was Ohhhhhhhhhh so blue?
When I cried like a baby
until I. could block out the world and listen to my first love daily?

Well peep the scene I had just turned 13
and I was in middle school
away from my friends and family
it took a lot to resist doing something rash and being tossed out on my a$$.

Anyway for the first time in my life,
the prime time of my life at that
I was alone, my only friends right then being the clothes on my back
and the headphones I had put into my backpack

Well my MP3 at the time was on shuffle,
after I got out that day and avoided a scuffle
I put my earbuds in promptly and what did I hear?
RHCP under the bridge, a song I still hold dear
"Sometimes I feel like my only friend"
was a lyric that described exactly the situation I was in.

I was being pushed right then to end my life and become food for the crow or raven
but that song saved my life
and even after all the tears I cried that night
I got up. stronger. ready to carry on life's grand fight.

RHCP, my stomach aches
i confuse what could be hunger
with weakness.
another long evening
my last smoke
went missing. my hand
shakes
violently.
I haven't slept in days.
I search for something.
Will someone catch the paper I've shredded?
My heart's blood spattered across sheepskin
skin torn asunder
hands clenched under
the table

Stop judging me and staring so critically
stare lovingly into my eyes and notice my effortless elegance

I lie when I say I don't want to be noticed.

Sometimes I sit back
on my bed with an RHCP track
playing blocking out the world
then the voices kick in
"Why aren't you looking for someone?"
"Do you want to be alone forever or do you think that's a wise endeavor?"
I respond back that my confidence is gone out behind the shack stabbed in the back with a macabre machete the size of a horses ***.
that every time I get comfortable with someone now I flinch, waiting for my heart to get stomped out or chipped away
that's why I said for the time being alone I'll stay.

My head and my heart seem out of sync I think it's clear that I'm trying to focus on myself and trying to accumulate both mental and financial wealth and improving my physical health but my heart sees none of this it just wants to be cuddled and mollified and it's mortifying to me to fight this internal war constantly because I want to be free from my feelings and my past because every time I say they're gone they keep roaring back

Break your knuckle on a steel gate
Get drunk at work
Destroy your lover's things but not your lover
Shave your head completely
Listen to everyone talk about RHCP
Mention John Frusciante solo work being really good
Acquire very wet ******* from a man in a trench coat
Opt out for cable and go to the bars to watch the game
Blow *** into your roommate's cat's nostrils until you notice effects
Try to understand why everyone is excited about Stranger Things
Cut open a stuffed shark and have *** with it
Listen to The Moob And Antartica because you need to hear A Wild Pack Of Family Dogs
Get a book you're never going to read but insist you'll get around to it
Buy another book and read that one instead
Let friend borrow book and never see it again
Get a small payday loan and sell your Squier Strat for 30 bucks
Tell your roommate you need more *** so hit the guy up
Get yelled at by girlfriend for punishing her dog
Get teeth removed and relish in painkillers
Throw rocks through cars at a ****** dealership
Get a burger at 5 am
Sleep
Wake up
Give coke to your friend's desperate lover
Go on 4 days without showering
Faint from a sneeze
Put super glue on broken glass to fix broken living room window
Be called a racist by a man of my same race AGAINST my same race
Laugh at how dumb political activists are
Go see friends you haven't seen for months and leave 25 minutes later
Write poetry for 10 minutes and pretend I have some message to convey
Put on flannel and take acid
Watch Eric Andre until my ghetto neighborhood produces people reckless enough to break in
Wish comes true
Crush face of armed adversary
Walk out of apartment complex
Break your knuckle on steel gate

RHCP on my car's radio
My thrills are found on the backroad
I live in my memories
I never let anything go

You don't care
But I still do
Push me far away
I fall back to you
Cant make you love me
I just wish you would

I stay awake all night
Just to see the morning light
The blue and gold
The melting colors of the sunrise
Have shown me
That change is beautiful
But I'm scared of anything new

I miss you
I always will
I wonder if you still write little poems
Just like you used to

If you wrote a letter to the moon
Would you beg for her not to go down
Anytime soon?
So that her silver light would never fade
And you would never leave me
No, you would only stay