My Teenage years;
Teenage years with people saying 'sit down and shut up'
Teenage years with no one caring
Teenage years with physical abuse
Teenage years with razor blades
Teenage years with no mother
Teenage years with bottles of pills
Teenage years with ****** assualt
Teenage years with suicide attempts
Teenage years with no reason to live
Teenage years spent pining for what was lost.



© Copyright Tyler Atherton

Today I wrought a terrible thought,

I imagined
cutting pain tracks
underneath eyes
so that tears
sting
with salt.

Grievous Assualt

I'm not sure which is the worst
That I thought it
Or that I sought it

I see leaves from trees, winter wind just a blowing,
making an assualt like paratroopers on folks  lawns.
I hear the geese  gather up and form their formations,
quaking loudly that they are up and gone.
Morning rush to the work has to be coordinated,
that old truck needs time to warm up.
frost on the winshield, wind just a blowing,
time for one more coffee warm up.
Evening breeze brings the smell of wood stoves going,
holiday baking  and burning leaves from the yards.
Yes I do believe ... Winter is here!

We took a long drive down
To Jawbone Corner where
A flashing red light
Acts as a four-way
I'm with my girl, her driving,
Me delivering foreplay.

Down in the Valley where
You can be at rest or
You can be at play,
Newly Weds and nearly Deads,
Draft Dodgers from Yankee Ville
And my family lives there still.

Apple blossoms with
Their assualt to the senses,
All kinds of distractions,
Too many to mention.

A Sunday drive
That lasts all day,
Cape Blomington stands
Oh so tall,
You can get down
And forget about it all

As you coast in to town
And lay your money down
At the local pub,
Checking it all out
To see what's what
In the way of fun,
Where to next
Under the mid-day sun,
Where to next
Before we're all done.

The barrier held back creatures of unimaginable power
However, these creatures do not use this power for good
They corrupt, destroy, infect, all that is good
The land upon which they walk, turns to ash and dust
That is why they are held behind the barrier
And I am the Guardian to that barrier
However, over time the barrier has weakened
Cracks now appear all over it
From the continued assualt from them
I fear for the day they overcome this small obstacle
Not for them reaching me, but for ignoring me

I'm a cannibal, consuming the flesh of my past
Taking back what was once attached
I'm not going to be the submissive, quiet kid I used to be
I've grown and I'm stronger now, you can't control me

I'm not a victim of your stupidity to get a laugh and some masculinity
I've been busy, and I'm not looking for sympathy
Your hands will never touch me again
You will not get under my skin

I hear things are going well for you, Joey
But your mom and her protection can't stop you from growing lonely
The more people you hurt, the worse it gets for you
That guilt will one day run you through

Tyler, you were always way too protected, with your mom being a teacher at school
And you always thought you were so cool with your copy of the schools keys, you used to "rule"
I could never seem to escape you, but now you are on your own
And you should have known that someday someone would pull the rug out from under your throne

You were so mighty, Nick, with a mom to go handle all your problems
And you certainly took advantage when you were filled with all that self-importance
And when your mom asked where you were, you lied and said it was my fault
Because I just really wanted to add to my list of tramua's ****** assualt

I wasn't cute, I wasn't charming, I wasn't overly girly, but I was weak and "easy"
Of course it's easy to overpower someone if you are big and sneaky
I never had someone to protect me, like Nick, Tyler, and Joey's moms
And I never had someone who'd believe me when I finally took down my walls

I was always different from the other kids, and family wasn't going to help
Who would believe me, over a popular straight A student; for me it was a dead end
No one believes me, I am not good enough, not important enough, to be given attention
But I won't stop working, trying to prove myself, until I am seen as good enough, without question

I am not anyone's plaything anymore, I am my own person
I am not an outlet for your sick *******
I am a being with thoughts and I'm not as easy to control as I used to be
I will bring you down with me

Im very proudly the best friend of a survivor.
Believe me when I met her I thought "who is this pompous Richy rich *****"
Then we met again when things had changed a little. When there were bigger things than what brand you wore.
When there was small feet growing inside of us and a fire burning in our soul.
This woman has changed me. She has reminded me what mental strength looks like. What it looks like to be "just a normal teen" when at home you are shattered and drowning. She listened to my "I have read baby center all night and I know it all now" rants and held me when I didn't think I could continue. We have gone months without talking to each other and called one another at 3am. She survived ****** assualt at a young age, she survived multiple abusive men, she survived her own inner demons and continues to do so everyday. As for me...Well I am her best friend. I am the one who is constantly checking in with her and adjusting myself to her needs. Why? Because I love her and I need her to be okay too. I am the one who sees redbull and breakfast sausage and smiles because I know her morning routine. I am the girl doubled over laughing with no makeup on in my ugliest PJs because she so innocently looked up from her phone and had no idea what I had just said. But watching her try to confidently tell me she heard me was the best thing I had seen all week. I am here for her. I am here for me. I am here for a lifelong friendship that means sometimes I don't always agree with her and sometimes we will get mad. But she is worth it. The girl I first met, the woman she has become, the woman she will find herself to be....That survivor....She's my best friend.

Song is my choice, what say you brothers?
Rick reloaded his bow, nocked it back, aimed his next assualt,
He'd use symphony to set her free, see the girl released from silence,
Or cleanse her of the inner monster sullying her soul, plaguing her mind,
And crushing her heart.
John smiled, drew back his humming axe for more blows to come,
He rose his tenor to lift leaves and rocks, in clods and clumps,
Stealing foundation away from treacherous underbellies, slithering towards them,
Drawn fangs overflowing with venom, bringing the ground to a sizzle,
Rushed as a blurry confluence of approaching green, darting back and forth,
Paul removed his hand barring Kevin from impulse, allowing him to strike,
Delving into the allowance of angels.

We hear about ****** assualt more these days,
and yes that has happened; Me, too.
But we don't talk as much about the near misses.
The time when I said no
and he tried a few times and gave up
Or the times I said no
and he put himself inside me for just a moment before rolling off
Or the times I said no
and he put himself inside me
for a few minutes
Until I grew louder and pushed him off.
The time
with my boyfriend
when I consented
But half way through his mood changed
and it did not feel loving
Or respectful.
It felt vindictive
And cold
and he must have felt my body
Tense
But he continued anyway.
Or the times
Too many to count
with my husband
That I participated
because I knew resisting would
Lead to an argument
Or anger
and sometimes
Aggression.
Was that ****, too?
I don't tally it under the same column.
But it wasn't fun.
And I think about it often.
And my body feels fluish.
Like the sense you get that a cold is coming on.
But it never fully surfaces
So I can never fully recover.

No more nations. No more wars. No more killings. We all
have almost 8 billion (8,000,000,000) friends on Earth. We
just haven't met them yet. Why not a pandemic of love, a
worldwide picnic of peace, not for a week-end, but for a year,
or maybe forever. We live on the only planet in our solar system,
the one tiny planet we call Earth, that allows human beings, and
other living creations, like animals and plants, to live. Our solar
system is the only one we currently know of that permits our kind
of life to exist. There are, on average, 8 planets in each solar system,
but there are an estimated 100 billion (100,000,000,000)
solar sysrems just in our one galaxy, the Milky Way. Further-
more, there are an estimated 2 trillion (2,000,000,000,000) galaxies
in the universe. So do the math. Approximate the number of planets that plausibly could sustain life in the universe:  take the number 1 (the mumber of planets in each solar system that might be able to sustain life) times one hundred billion (100,000,000,000),  the estimated number of solar systems in each galaxy) times 2 trillion (2,000,000,000,000) the estimated number of galaxies in the universe. Whatever that end product is is beyond the capabilities of my computer's calculator, and is, for certain, mind-boogling. The end product gives each one of us a mind-
bending sense of enormousness of our universe and informs each one of us how many neighbors we have yet to meet. Why is the speed of light so fast, you ask? It is so fast, so when we discover how to travel at the speed of light, or even faster, we can scoot around our universe and meet all our new friends. Picnics galore! Think of all the hot dogs and hamburgers and scoops of ice cream we can share with them! We have lived our lives myopically for millennia, and we remain blind to the potential of the future. It is out there waiting for us. Put your assualt rifles, your hydrogen bombs, down and pick up your piece of interstellar peace, a veritable Cosmos of peace, but please go easy on the mustard and relish.

Copyright 2020 Tod Howard Hawks