So much of our lives are spent in separation
That reunion feels like resurrection

We spend time in agonizing anticipation
For that perfect day
And often forget to savour the moments in between

Seeking euphoria in the midst of chaos
Don't you think we can hardly keep up our pace?
I wish every second is as slow
As the one i spent locking eyes with you in the crowd
When everything else simply
Fades

My heart is longing
Grasping at thin air
For something that belongs to me
Yet i cannot reach.

I know that you like it
But i hate it
I ******* hate it
But you like it when i hate it
You may win this game
But i win at life
I stayed on this Earth
I chose life
I stayed. Alive

Oh depression
I ******* love you too
Every time you mess up my mind
Take my breath away
Haunts me like humidity and dandruff in my hair
When i haven't got the motivation to wash it for weeks
Oh it strangles me like a cat

In a dark night
During your favourite time of the day
You worst nightmare
Silence cannot save you
But they see you
They see the most vulnerable parts of you
And they laugh
Boy they laugh
'Cause well **** it
They don't understand
The pain
The dying
The fighting back
How are you so brave and strong
Just getting out of bed in the morning
Which sometimes
I don't
I can't
I lay on bed
Until i know i'd miss my train
Then i'd miss school
Then i'd feel ****
Helpless
You know
I don't have a choice
It's like both paths are full of monsters
And you linger at the cross-section
Until the lava consumes you

Anxiety I'd marry you if i could
And keep you up all night
On our wedding night
To give you the sweetest taste of your own medicine
Shut all windows
And fill the room with hydrogen cyanide
I'd die with you if i have to

Oh honey you know you have hobbies too
Things that get you passionate, excited
You know
Once you were a happy person too
But those things
Be it reading
Catching up on your favourite shows
Go for a run, swim, hike
Bake treats with the aroma of home...

You shut everyone out
Convincing yourself that you only let people down
Telling yourself all the mean things you will never tell another soul
Because you know
It hurts
Those things aren't exciting
Nor do they give you passion
Your happiness has expired
Longer than the milk in your refrigerator
All you do is sleep
You either eat way too much or starve for days
You cry
You scream
You cover the scars on your arm
You either are in desperate need of attention
Or you avoid everyone and everything

We are all so young
So damaged
But baby it's okay
You're doing good
You are fighting with every last breath
You are still alive
And living comes with possibilities and new opportunities
You wouldn't wanna miss out of those
Would you?
Baby it's okay
I'm okay.

I don't know how close i can get to you
Without wandering away from myself.

They said she could not love
Another soul
But O God she loved
She loved too much
She loved too many
She loved every:
Face
Body
And soul...
She didn't hate
She loved
She loved like a flame burning the house down
She loved with a thirst
She loved too much
Disappointment and jealousy hit her like a bang
She turned love into pain and hatred
She doesn't believe in love anymore
She cannot
Love
Another soul

there are always two sides to the same story
two voices singing the same song
maybe i was never enough
maybe i was, more than enough
sometimes i wonder if you wonder the same things

have you ever had the thought of running back
to put a semi-colon instead of
a full stop to our infinite possibilities?
do you sometimes fantasize us two
lying on paper-thin ice
in Alaska
and having no fears
because i'm holding your hand?
under the green, blue, pink, purple, yellow, red
aurora borealis
and millions of stars?
have our heads tilt toward each other
at 4:09 am
in our fluffy snow jackets and boots
and lean in for a forbidden kiss
just
one
kiss
then go back and gaze at the Milky Way
with more thoughts in our minds than there are stars reflecting in our eyes
imagine a place that is ours
it's where a wise man confused reality for dreams
it's in the middle of nowhere
in our deepest fantasies
it's where we hold on to each other
and everyone else simply doesn't exist...

at 4:09 am
i wonder
if sometimes
you wonder about me too.