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Esther Dec 2017
I am a sucker for dreams.

Suffocating underneath depression and dark thoughts
Disguising the truth with layers of anxiety and dust
I am a sucker for dreams.

If a "wishing fluff" touches my leg while I'm falling asleep to
Another
Episode
Of overthinking
Playing on repeat in my head
Dancing ballad Black Swan on my heart
On a crowded train
I would lean down
Pick it up
And the stranger who sits opposite of me
Whose eyes and their unspoken confusion
I would accidentally meet on my way up
I would smile at him
Because
I am a sucker for dreams.

I would make a wish
The generic "I just wish to be happy"
Or the
"Please let there be a tomorrow
Where depression and anxiety are locked behind bars
Begging me on their knees for help"
Just like ten thousand times a day
I beg them for mercy
I beg them for freedom
I beg them for happiness
But oh my
Sometimes
Like once a month or something
At 5:31am or 2:27pm
I would smile too
Because there's a "wishing fluff" flying by
Like a paper airplane destined to land
In that place from my dreams
Moonlight on the lake
Piano keys composing the most haunting melody
That "wishing fluff"
Is a reminder for me
There is still hope
There is somewhere where music is not ghostly cries
Somewhere where dreams do come true
For a sucker for dreams like me.

Even with 3% battery left
I would not use my phone for music
Nor to check social media
I would use my final breath
To type up
These words
These dreams
Because they are life
They are who I am
Because
I am a sucker for dreams.
I made some wishes: peace of mind, health, steady relationships, to smile more, to go out and have fun, to not let my happiness depend on another person... I blew the "wishing fluff" away.
Esther Nov 2017
i am a dainted rose
and the flames consume me
i know i am nothing
but i still try to grow
through the cracks on that brick wall
i just want to grow
and shine
the plastic
it traps me
it cuts the air off
my petals fall
and my colours fade
all
nothing
was i ever something
to someone?
i am a crumbled up piece of paper in the corner
i am a paper airplane
crafted with every ounce of hope
landed head first onto the floor
picked up
thrown and tossed without a care
came crashing onto the cold hard ground
god it hurts
picked up again
die
live
die...
eventually
i belong to the trash
i am a piano with broken keys in the middle of a forest
the melody long gone
i hold onto them
they slip through my fingers
like the sunlight slip through the gaps between the leaves
sparks kiss me
and my broken pieces
i try to sing a song
that beautiful boy
his fingers traced along my body
touched my soul
every inch of my skin
he admired me like a work of art
the breeze lifts my hair
he lifted my soul
i try to remember
yet the more i reminisce
the more they run
my memories are lone wolves
and i am the hunter
oh
please
stay a little longer
just
a little
...longer
for i
am
a dainted rose.
My first poem here. I don't usually use all small cases, except when dark thoughts cut off my air during the a.m.

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